MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT

Nine Years, One Day, and What Remains

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 10:47:44 GMT

The Day That Was Only Loss — Until It Wasn’t

Nine

April 14, 2026

Nine years.

I've been sitting with that number the past one month. Nine. It doesn't feel shorter than eight, or six, or three. Grief doesn't shrink with time, it just changes shape. Some years it arrives as a wave, sudden and breathtaking. Other years, it sits quietly beside me like an old companion who no longer needs to announce itself.

This year, it arrived differently.

This year, April 14 holds something it has never held before.

For nine years, this date has belonged entirely to loss. The day the machines went quiet. The day Good Friday became a different kind of sacred. The day I walked out of a hospital and back into a world that looked exactly the same but would never be the same again.

I have always written to you on this day, Nathaniel. Not for anyone else. Not as a coach, not as an author, not as someone who has figured anything out. Just as your mum.

And I don't know how to write to you this year without telling you what happened today.

Your story is now in the world.

I spent nine years wondering what to do with everything you left behind - the lessons, the pain, the slow and terrifying unravelling of the person I thought I was, and the even slower rebuilding of someone I'm still learning to know.

I didn't set out to write a book. I set out to survive. And then, somewhere along the way, I realised that surviving wasn't enough. That you didn't leave me here just to hold your memory in private. That there was something you taught me; about presence, about authenticity, about what it means to stop living for the life others expect and start living the one that is truly yours, that belonged to more than just me.

So I wrote it down.

I wrote about your arrival, your challenges, how everything was just beginning to get better when that fateful afternoon changed everything.

I wrote about the five unreal days in ICU, where I was told repeatedly that you would not make it, yet miraculously you held on. Until Good Friday, 14th April 2017. You breathed your last after the sermon.

About the weight of a word "resilience", how hollow it sounds when you're standing in the ruins of your own life, wondering how anyone could look at devastation and call it strength.

I wrote about what it cost me to stop pretending I was okay. And what it gave me when I finally did.

Choosing April 14 as the day this book would launch was not a marketing decision.

It was an act of devotion.

Because how could I send your story into the world on any other day?

And yet — I won't pretend I haven't been afraid. There is something terrifying about sharing what was private for so long. About strangers holding a piece of you, of us. About being seen in the places that still hurt.

But I think that's also the point.

You taught me that the life I was living — carefully managed, armoured, performing — was keeping me from the one I was meant to live. You taught me this not with words, but by leaving. By showing me, in the starkest possible way, that none of it was guaranteed. None of it.

Nine years ago, I would not have believed I could write those words.

I would not have believed I could speak your name without breaking. I would not have believed that grief could carry anything other than weight.

But here I am.

Still breaking on some days. Still hearing your laughter. Still catching myself, mid-sentence, wanting to tell you something.

And still here. Still learning. Still becoming someone who tries, every day, to live in a way that honours what you left behind.

This year, I am not just marking the day you left. I am marking the day your legacy was given a form that will outlast both of us. That feels like something you would quietly approve of.

Not with fanfare. You were never one for fanfare. But with that small, certain nod you had. The one that meant: yes, Mum. That's right.

To those who have lost someone: I see you today.

To those who are searching for something real in the midst of a life that looks fine from the outside: this was written for you.

And to Nathaniel — always, always, always: this is for you.

The Reality of Authentic Intention in a Curated World

Wed, 14 May 2025 13:30:10 GMT

The Modern Authenticity Crisis

What does authenticity even mean anymore—especially in the digital age, where most of us spend our days behind screens?

Even now, as I write this from my desk, I’m aware of the paradox: we crave authenticity, yet we live in a world where everything is filtered, edited, and curated.

In an era where our lives are showcased through polished Instagram feeds and perfectly timed TikTok moments, the concept of authentic intention has become more complicated than ever. We scroll through highlights of “authentic living,” yet many of us are silently drifting further from our true selves.

So how do we reclaim our voice, our values, our unedited truth — in a culture designed to distract us from them?

In today's digital landscape presents us with two competing paths: overwhelming paralysis in the face of constant comparison, or unconscious absorption into the stream of filtered reality. Neither path leads to genuine self-discovery or meaningful achievement. Instead, we find ourselves either frozen by the perfection we see online or mindlessly mimicking others' journeys while calling it "authenticity."

The Illusion of Instant Transformation

Social media platforms sell us the myth of instant transformation - "10 days to your authentic self" or "5 steps to living your truth." This commodification of authenticity creates a dangerous illusion where genuine self-discovery is replaced by performative self-improvement. We're left chasing quick fixes and visible results rather than engaging in the messy, often invisible work of genuine personal growth.

I’ve had moments where I caught myself editing not just a photo, but the story I was telling—shaping it for engagement rather than truth. That moment of pause became a turning point.

Living with Genuine Intention

requires acknowledging and actively resisting these modern pressures. This means:

1. Recognizing the Manipulation

Understanding how social media algorithms and content creators deliberately craft "authentic" content to keep us engaged and consuming. What appears spontaneous is often carefully orchestrated.

2. Embracing the Messy Moments

Authentic growth often feels uncomfortable and looks messy - the opposite of the polished transformation narratives we're sold. Real change rarely photographs well for Instagram.

3. Accepting Non-Linear Journey

Unlike the carefully edited "journey" posts we see online, genuine personal development involves setbacks, confusion, and periods where nothing seems to be happening.

From Comparison to Clarity: the path to authentic intention begins with Conscious Disconnection where we create a deliberate space away from digital influences to hear our own thoughts and desires. This might mean regular digital detoxes or setting firm boundaries around social media consumption.

Reality-Based Goal Setting

Forming intentions based on our lived experience rather than others' highlight reels. This includes acknowledging our actual circumstances, resources, and limitations.

Community Over Content

Building real connections with people who know us beyond our curated selves, who can reflect back our authentic struggles and growth.

The Power of Imperfect Action

Rather than waiting for perfect alignment or the right aesthetic moment, authentic intention thrives in imperfect action. It's the progress, not polish, is what makes your journey real! This might mean:

Starting before we feel ready
Sharing real struggles alongside successes
Valuing progress over perfection
Refusing to package our journey for social media consumption

Redefining Success Beyond the Social Feed

In a world obsessed with visible metrics and shareable moments, we must actively choose different measures of success:

Internal satisfaction over external validation
Sustainable progress over viral moments
Personal growth over public perception
Genuine connection over follower counts

Staying Rooted in Your Real Self

The challenge isn't just about finding our authentic intentions - it's about maintaining them in a world designed to redirect our attention and reshape our desires. This requires ongoing vigilance and regular recalibration of our relationship with digital spaces.

Conclusion

True authentic intention in today's world isn't about completely rejecting modern digital culture or embracing it wholeheartedly. Instead, it's about developing a conscious, critical relationship with these spaces while nurturing our genuine desires and aspirations. Only by acknowledging how digital culture influences our intentions can we begin to separate our true goals from those imposed by our curated world.

Perhaps the most authentic act we can take today is not to broadcast our growth, but to live it quietly, consistently, and just for ourselves

Grief, Regret, and Finding Purpose

Sun, 13 Apr 2025 16:23:29 GMT

A Journey to the Authentic Self

Jim Carrey once said: Grief is not just an emotion—it’s an unraveling, a space where something once lived but is now gone. It carves through you, leaving a hollow ache where love once resided.

This day 8 years ago, my world collapsed, I never imagined I'd write these words. How could I, when the very breath in my lungs felt like a betrayal to my son, who no longer drew his own? But here I am, fingers trembling over keys, trying to make sense of a senseless loss and the unexpected path it has led me down.

Grief is a journey no one chooses, and yet it becomes an uninvited companion for many of us. As I sit here, grappling with the loss of my son, I am reminded of the fragility of life and the weight of regrets that accompany it.

My son was 16 and ½ years old when he left this world, in a sudden, unannounced manner which left me and his younger brother both in shock and the many years to come to grapple this unreal reality!

Life continues, and with many good advises from many: “do not think, just go back to work, taking time off to grief, etc “ did not work its magic on me! Work. which has once been my companion has also abandoned me! How could I carry on with all the meetings, strategy when the most important part of my life had been brutally cut off?

But as I navigate through this sea of sorrow, I am beginning to see regret not as a tormentor, but as a teacher. It illuminates the areas of my life where I was not fully authentic, where I allowed fear or societal expectations to dictate my actions.

But grief, I've learned, is not just an end. It's also a beginning.

In this dark and painful chapter, I am also discovering a profound understanding of living with purpose through my mindfulness guide.

The Quest for Authenticity

Authenticity is a word we hear often, but its true essence can be elusive. It is about being true to oneself, embracing vulnerability, and living in alignment with our deepest values. In the midst of grief, authenticity becomes even more crucial. It is in these raw moments of pain that we are stripped of pretence and forced to confront our true selves.

Losing my son has forced me to reflect on my own life and the ways in which I have lived authentically—or failed to do so. It has made me question the roles I have played and the masks I have worn. In this painful introspection, I am finding a clearer sense of who I am and what truly matters.

This Mindfulness started small – a desperate attempt to quiet the cacophony of "what ifs" and "if onlys" that plagued my sleepless nights. I started exploring meditation through reading scriptures, listening to songs. Those first sessions were tear-filled struggles, my mind constantly wandering to memories of my son. But slowly, almost imperceptibly, something shifted over the time.

As I learned to sit with my pain rather than run from it, I began to see myself – really see myself – perhaps for the first time. The layers of who I thought I should be, the carefully crafted persona of the successful banking executive and perfect mother, began to peel away. In their place, I found a raw, wounded, but incredibly resilient core.

This was my authentic self, laid bare by grief.

It wasn't pretty. It wasn't polished. But it was real. And in that realness, I found a flicker of something I thought I'd lost forever: purpose.

I realized that by embracing my authentic self – grief, pain, and all – I could honor my son in a way that felt true. Not by pretending to be okay, but by being courageously vulnerable. By using my experiences not just to climb the corporate ladder, but to connect with and support others who were also struggling with grief

Living with Purpose

Purpose is another concept that takes on new meaning in the face of loss. It is easy to feel adrift, to question the meaning of life when confronted with such profound sorrow. Yet, it is precisely in these moments that our purpose can become more defined.

For me, living with purpose now means honoring my son's memory by striving to be the best version of myself. It means using my pain as a catalyst for growth and transformation. It means living each day with intention, being present in the moment, and cherishing the connections I have.

Moving Forward

The journey through grief is not linear, and it is fraught with challenges. The ache of missing my son will never fully fade. Regrets will continue to surface, and there will be days when the weight of loss feels unbearable. But amidst the darkness, there is also light. There is the possibility of healing, of finding strength in vulnerability, and of living a life that is true to who we are.

Through mindfulness and a commitment to authenticity, I've found a way to honor him by living with purpose and intention. As I move forward, I am committed to embracing authenticity in all aspects of my life. I will strive to be present, to speak my truth, and to live with purpose. In doing so, I hope to honor my son's legacy and find a sense of peace amidst the pain.

Mindfulness became my anchor in this new reality. It taught me to observe my thoughts and feelings without judgment, to sit with discomfort rather than numb it. On days when grief threatened to pull me under, mindfulness reminded me to breathe, to ground myself in the present moment.

Gradually, I began to reimagine my life's work. I begin by studying coaching techniques, positive psychology, and holistic healing practices. To my surprise, these new skills, combined with my financial background and personal experience with loss, created a unique blend of expertise.

I found myself connecting with others who had experienced major life transitions, creating a community of growth and healing. In sharing my story, I discovered a new purpose: to guide others through their own journeys of grief; to discover their purpose in life.

To those navigating their own seas of grief or major life changes, I offer this:

Be patient with yourself.
Allow yourself to feel deeply.
Practice mindfulness not to escape your pain, but to move through it with grace.

And most importantly, don't be afraid to let your challenges reveal your most authentic self. It's in that vulnerability that you may find your greatest strength and your truest calling.

None of us would choose a path that brings us grief; but when it happened on us. We can choose how we want to live in honour to ourselves, to our memories.

Living authentically is my way of honouring his memory.

14th April 2025.

The Power of Authentic Self Expression

Wed, 12 Mar 2025 14:39:02 GMT

Beyond MINORITY

Humans are fundamentally social creatures, with our survival historically dependent on group cohesion. Our prehistoric ancestors lived in small, tight-knit tribes where individual survival was intimately linked to group survival. In harsh, dangerous environments: 

Safety in Numbers : Lone individuals were vulnerable to predators 
Resource Sharing: Cooperative hunting and gathering increased survival chances 
Collective Defense : Group protection was crucial against external threats 
Knowledge Transmission : Shared learning ensured collective adaptation

These created and built our biological imperatives to be in a group for survival.  Although we may no longer need these behaviours to survive,  that instinct never leave us.   

So for over the hundred, thousand of years, our neurological basis of conformity develops  

The brain's amygdala triggers fear responses when we risk social exclusion
Dopamine reward systems reinforce social acceptance 
Oxytocin (the "bonding hormone") creates positive feelings when we belong 
Cortisol levels increase when we feel socially isolated or rejected

The Illusion of Conformity  

We've been conditioned to believe that belonging means blending in. From childhood, we learn subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle ways of "covering" – hiding aspects of ourselves that might make others uncomfortable. Kenji Yoshino's groundbreaking research revealed that 61% of employees cover some aspect of their identity at work, a statistic that speaks volumes about our collective fear of being truly seen. 

In 1951, Solomon Asch Conformity Experiments found:

Humans' tendency to conform even when faced with clear contradictory evidence 
Participants would often agree with obviously incorrect group statements 
Revealed the powerful psychological drive to avoid social rejection

Evolutionary Psychology Perspective remains to this day

Conformity was a survival strategy 
Those who couldn't read social cues or adapt to group norms were less likely to survive 
Social rejection historically meant potential death 
Our brains still carry these ancient survival mechanisms

But what if we reframed this narrative? What if instead of seeing our differences as barriers, we viewed them as our greatest strength? 

Authenticity as a Superpower 

Authenticity isn't about defiance; it's about radical self-acceptance. It's understanding that your unique experiences, perspectives, and identity are not limitations but extraordinary gifts. When you fully embrace yourself – every nuanced, complex part of your being – you become unstoppable. 

Consider the stories of individuals who have changed the world precisely because they refused to dim their light: 

Frida Kahlo, who transformed her physical pain into revolutionary art 
Malala Yousafzai, who turned her personal experience into a global movement for education 
RuPaul, who challenged societal norms of gender and sexuality through unapologetic self-expression

These individuals weren't successful despite their unique identities – they were powerful because of them. 

The Psychological Journey of Self-Acceptance  

Research shows that belonging uncertainty – the persistent question of whether we truly fit in – can be debilitating. But here's a transformative perspective: You don't need to fit in. You need to belong to yourself first. 

This means: 

Recognizing that your worth isn't determined by external validation 
Understanding that your experiences are valid, regardless of whether others understand them 
Accepting that your truth might make some people uncomfortable – and that's okay

Breaking Free from "Cultural Taxation"  

For too long, individuals from underrepresented groups have been expected to educate, represent, and justify their existence. The concept of "cultural taxation" suggests that minorities carry an additional, uncompensated burden of explaining their experiences. 

But true empowerment comes when you realize: You are not responsible for educating others about your humanity. Your primary responsibility is to live authentically and unapologetically. 

Practical Steps to Embracing Authenticity  

1. Self-Reflection 

Journal about your unique experiences 
Identify the parts of yourself you've been hiding 
Explore why you've felt the need to hide

2. Boundary Setting 

Learn to say no to spaces that don't respect your full self 
Surround yourself with people who celebrate your authenticity

+ Create personal and professional environments that allow you to thrive 

3. Continuous Learning 

Study others who have embraced their authentic selves 
Develop skills that amplify your unique perspective 
Invest in personal growth that aligns with your true values

The Ripple Effect of Authenticity  

When you choose to be authentically yourself, you do more than personal liberation. You create permission for others to do the same. Your courage becomes a beacon, showing others that they, too, can stand in their truth. 

This isn't about being loud or confrontational. It's about being quietly, confidently present. It's about showing up fully, with respect and tolerance for others while maintaining unwavering respect for yourself. 

Beyond Labels: A Universal Truth 

The irony of discussing "minority" experiences is that it perpetuates a divisive narrative. In reality, we are all unique. We all have dimensions of our identity that make us different, complex, and extraordinary. 

The concept of being a "minority" becomes irrelevant when we recognize that our truest power lies not in fitting in, but in standing confidently in our unique identity.  

Authenticity doesn't see majority or minority. It sees human beings, each with a profound, unrepeatable story. 

Your Invitation  

Conformity is a legacy of our survival instinct – a beautiful, complex adaptation that once protected us. Today, our survival depends not on sameness, but on our ability to embrace complexity, celebrate differences, and create inclusive spaces. 

We are no longer just surviving. We are invited to thrive. 

Our challenge is to transform an ancient survival mechanism into a modern tool of collective growth and individual empowerment. 

The most revolutionary act is to be unapologetically, authentically yourself. 

As we mark International Women's Day and reflect on this year's theme to #AccelerateAction, I invite you to take one bold step towards your authentic self: 

Have one conversation you've been avoiding 
Reveal one aspect of yourself you've been hiding 
Create one boundary that protects your peace

Remember: You are not defined by the labels others place on you. You are defined by the courage with which you choose to be yourself. 

Your authentic voice is not just valid!

It is necessary!

Myth of Work life Balance

Sat, 08 Feb 2025 11:10:23 GMT

Why Integration and Purpose Matter More Than Balance.

Work-life balance.

The phrase evokes images of perfectly coordinated schedules, effortless multitasking, and an idyllic harmony between our professional responsibilities and personal aspirations. Yet, how often does this balance truly manifest in our lives? For many, the pursuit of work-life balance becomes a treadmill—endless striving without ever arriving. And herein lies the myth: the assumption that balance is achievable, universally applicable, or even desirable.

But what if the problem isn’t our inability to achieve balance? What if the issue is the very concept itself—a one-size-fits-all solution to a deeply personal question? To understand why balance eludes so many, we need to dig deeper into what truly matters in life and redefine what we’re striving for.

Why Work-Life Balance Is a Myth

1. Balance Suggests Equal Weight

The term "balance" implies an even distribution of time, energy, and focus across work and life. But life doesn’t unfold in neatly apportioned segments. Some seasons demand more from our professional lives, while others call for a greater focus on family, health, or personal growth. Balance, in its most literal sense, is static—a point where all competing forces are equal. Yet life is dynamic and ever-changing. Expecting balance is like asking a river to stay still.

2. The "Ideal Balance" Is a Moving Target

What feels balanced today may feel stifling tomorrow. A new job, a growing family, or a personal crisis can shift priorities overnight. Yet, the myth of work-life balance assumes there’s a fixed, universal template we’re all meant to follow. When we measure ourselves against this elusive standard, it’s easy to feel like we’re failing.

3. It’s Rooted in External Expectations

Much of the pressure to "achieve balance" stems from societal norms, cultural expectations, and workplace demands. We internalize messages about what success, productivity, or a "good life" should look like, often without questioning whether these ideals align with our own values. As a result, we’re constantly adjusting to meet external standards instead of defining what fulfillment looks like for ourselves.

The Real Question: What Do You Truly Seek?

Before we can move beyond the myth of work-life balance, we must confront a fundamental truth: It is impossible to balance what we have not clearly defined. What is the life you’re trying to balance? What are the priorities, values, and aspirations that truly matter to you?

Too often, we’re chasing balance without clarity. We juggle work commitments, family obligations, and personal goals without pausing to ask: Why am I doing this? What do I hope to achieve? This lack of clarity leaves us vulnerable to the myth, perpetually striving for a balance that doesn’t align with who we are.

1. Clarity Is the Antidote

Clarity begins with understanding your core values and priorities. For some, this might mean prioritizing family over career advancement. For others, it could mean dedicating themselves to a purpose-driven professional life while carving out intentional moments for rest and connection. There is no right or wrong answer—only what resonates deeply with you.

2. Purpose Over Balance

When you’re clear on what matters most, the need for balance diminishes. Instead of dividing your time equally, you can allocate your energy intentionally. Purpose acts as a compass, guiding you to make decisions that align with your values, even if they don’t conform to traditional notions of balance.

3. Reclaim Your Definition of Success

The myth of work-life balance often conflates success with perfection: the idea that you can excel in every area of life simultaneously. But true success lies in living authentically. Authenticity is about aligning your actions with your values and expressing your genuine self in all areas of life. By redefining success on your own terms, you can let go of unrealistic expectations and focus on what genuinely fulfills you.

What to Strive for Instead

If not balance, then what? Here are three alternatives that can help you build a life rooted in meaning and fulfillment:

1. Integration

Work and life are not opposing forces; they’re intertwined. Integration means finding ways to align your professional and personal values so that they support, rather than compete with, each other. For example: A professional who values family might seek flexible work arrangements to spend more time with their children. An entrepreneur passionate about wellness could build a business that reflects their commitment to health and self-care.

Integration allows for fluidity, acknowledging that priorities can shift without undermining your sense of purpose. Living authentically through integration means ensuring that every aspect of your life reflects who you truly are, not who you think you’re supposed to be.

2. Flow

Rather than striving for balance, aim for flow—a state where you’re fully present and engaged in whatever you’re doing. Like the river, it is impossible to be still unless there is no water. Life is just like the river, it is never a stand-still point.

For flow is not about dividing time equally; it’s about immersing yourself in the moment. When you’re at work, give it your full attention. When you’re with loved ones, be fully present. Flow allows you to experience life deeply, without the guilt or distraction of unmet expectations. Authenticity plays a key role in flow; it’s easier to be fully present when your actions align with your true self.

3. Intentional Living

Intentional living means making conscious choices about how you spend your time, energy, and resources. It’s about aligning your daily actions with your long-term aspirations. Ask yourself:

Does this activity align with my values?

Is this commitment helping me move closer to the life I want to create?

Am I saying "yes" to this because it matters to me, or because I feel I should?

Authenticity amplifies intentional living by ensuring that your choices are deeply personal and rooted in your unique values. By living intentionally, you can create a life that feels meaningful and authentic, even if it doesn’t look "balanced" to others.

Embracing What Truly Matters

At its core, the myth of work-life balance distracts us from a deeper truth: Balance is not the goal. Fulfillment is. A life well-lived is not one where everything is perfectly balanced, but one where the things that matter most take center stage.

To strive for this, start by:

Getting clear on your values and priorities.

Letting go of external expectations that don’t serve you.

Redefining success in a way that aligns with your authentic self.

When you’re clear on what you seek, you no longer need to chase balance. Instead, you can create a life that feels rich, purposeful, and uniquely yours.

Leaving You a few thoughts to ponder;

How clear are you on your values and priorities.
Are you able to let go of external expectations that don’t serve you.
Are you in aligment with your authentic self when you look at success

Reach out for a chat if this resonates

Authentic Intention

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 15:55:28 GMT

Bridging the Gap Between Vision and Reality

Gone are the days of simplicity. Our world is now driven by curated images and instant gratification, making the journey from vision to reality seem more daunting than ever. Wondering if your authentic self can survive in such a curated world?Yet, at the heart of every meaningful achievement lies a fundamental truth: the power of authentic intention in shaping our reality. This exploration delves into how genuine self-awareness and honest intention-setting can bridge the gap between abstract dreams and tangible results.

Authentic Intentions: The Seeds of Achievement

Every milestone, success story, and groundbreaking innovation begins with a spark of intention. However, turning intentions into reality is a journey requiring effort, clarity, and strategy. Authentic intentions, rooted in self-awareness, act as the seeds of achievement, providing the foundation for a purposeful life.

An intention is more than a goal; it is the purpose behind our actions and decisions. It reflects our values, desires, and motivations. Unlike fleeting wishes or vague dreams, authentic intentions are grounded in conscious thought, guiding our journey from vision to reality.

The Role of Authentic Intentions

Intentions serve as the bridge between who we are and who we aspire to become. Unlike mere wishes or vague desires, authentic intentions arise from a place of deep self-knowledge and genuine purpose. They represent the conscious alignment of our actions with our values, creating a natural pathway from vision to reality.

Consider the difference between someone who wants to start a business because it seems profitable versus someone whose entrepreneurial vision stems from a genuine desire to solve a problem they deeply understand. The latter approach, rooted in authentic intention, is more likely to weather the inevitable challenges and setbacks that arise along the journey. Our Authentic intentions gives us:

Clarity and Focus: An intention acts as a compass, helping us stay aligned with our goals. When we understand *why* we want something, it becomes easier to resist distractions and make decisions that bring us closer to our aspirations.
Emotional Resonance: Intentions often stem from deeply held values or emotional needs. This connection fuels motivation and keeps us committed, even when the journey gets tough.
Purpose-Driven Actions : Operating with intention ensures that our efforts are meaningful. It prevents us from engaging in aimless activities and instead encourages deliberate, purposeful action.

Bridging the Gap: The Implementation Challenge

While intentions are crucial, they alone do not guarantee success. Many people start with good intentions but struggle to turn them into results. Even with authentic intentions, a gap often exists between vision and reality. This gap isn't necessarily a sign of failure; rather, it represents the space where growth and learning occur. Understanding this gap through the lens of authenticity reveals several key insights:

1.Embrace Imperfection
Authentic progress often involves accepting that the reality might differ from our initial vision. This acceptance doesn't mean compromising our standards but rather understanding that perfection can be the enemy of meaningful progress.

2. Value the Journey

The process of bridging the gap between vision and reality often yields unexpected benefits and learning opportunities. When our intentions are authentic, these experiences become valuable parts of our growth rather than mere obstacles to overcome.

3. Maintain Alignment

Regular reflection ensures that our actions remain aligned with our authentic intentions. This alignment helps prevent the common pitfall of drifting away from our original purpose as we encounter challenges and opportunities.

4. The Role of Community and Connection

Authenticity in vision-building isn't a solitary endeavor. The support and perspective of others play crucial roles in helping us maintain authentic intentions and transform them into reality. However, this community involvement must be carefully balanced to ensure it enhances rather than dilutes our authentic vision.

Measuring Progress Authentically

Traditional metrics of success often fail to capture the full spectrum of progress in bridging the gap between vision and reality. Authentic measurement considers not only tangible outcomes but also:

Personal growth and learning: Have you reflect on your own growth process than just the direct outcome?
Alignment with core values : Have you evaluate whether your actions and outcomes are in harmony with your deeply held values?
Impact on others and community : Have you considered the efforts it had on others?
Sustainability of progress : Have you assessed the progress you've made is sustainable in long terms and not just fleeting achievemets
Quality of relationships developed : Have you reflect on the strength and depth of relationship built or nurtured along the way.

To implement these metrics, try keeping a journal to document your reflections, regularly revisiting your core values, and seeking feedback from trusted peers or mentors. This approach ensures that your progress is not just measured by external achievements but by internal growth and fulfillment.

Conclusion

The journey from vision to reality is fundamentally transformed when approached through the lens of authenticity. By aligning our intentions with our true selves, we create not just a bridge between dream and achievement, but a pathway to meaningful fulfillment. This alignment ensures that our victories are not hollow achievements but genuine manifestations of our authentic aspirations.

The Paradox of Success

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 19:13:15 GMT

An Executive Coach's Year-End Reflection

As I sit down to pen this year-end reflection, a sense of irony washes over me. For nearly six years, I've been the go-to executive coach for countless high-powered professionals, guiding them to new heights in their careers. Yet, as another year draws to a close, I find myself grappling with an uncomfortable truth: despite my success in elevating others, I'm still reliant on external platforms to connect with clients.

The Journey So Far

My journey into executive coaching began almost six years ago when I took the leap from a comfortable corporate role into the world of entrepreneurship. Armed with years of corporate experience and a passion for helping others to reach their potential, I dove headfirst into this new chapter of my life.

Over the years, I've had the privilege of working with an impressive array of executives across various industries. From tech startups to Fortune 500 companies, I've guided leaders through challenging transitions, helped them refine their management styles, and supported them in achieving their career goals.

The results have been nothing short of remarkable. I've watched with pride as my clients have secured promotions, successfully led major organizational changes, and significantly increased their earning potential. Their success stories have been a testament to the effectiveness of our work together.

The Realization

Yet, as I reflect on my own journey, a stark realization has begun to set in. Despite the positive impact I've had on my clients' careers and the subsequent boost to their financial success, I find myself in a paradoxical situation. I, the coach who helps others climb the ladder of success, am still relying on external platforms to connect with potential clients.

This dependence on platforms has, at times, left me feeling... well, let's be honest - insulted. Here I am, with years of experience and a track record of success, yet I'm not directly attracting clients through my own brand and network. It's a humbling realization, one that has forced me to confront some uncomfortable truths about my own approach to business and self-promotion.

The Paradox Unpacked

The irony of this situation isn't lost on me. I've spent countless hours partnering executives build their personal brands, helping them in their strategies to network effectively and showcase their value. Yet, when it comes to applying these same principles to my own business, I've fallen short.

But as I reflect deeper, I realize this paradox isn't unique to me. In fact, it's a common thread I've observed in many of my high-achieving clients. Let me share a few examples:

The Visibility Paradox : I once worked with a CMO who was brilliant at crafting compelling narratives for her company and products. She could captivate an audience of thousands at industry events. Yet, when it came to promoting her own business (when she left the firm), she became surprisingly reticent.
The Empowerment Contradiction: A senior executive I coached was renowned for her ability to inspire and empower her team. She constantly encouraged her employees to take risks, speak up in meetings, and pursue ambitious projects. However, she struggled with impostor syndrome herself, feeling that she is not good enough as a leader as she did not have the technical knowledge like her subordinates.
The Growth Mindset Disconnect: Another client, a senior HR executive, was passionate about fostering a culture of continuous learning in her organization. She implemented innovative professional development programs and celebrated employees who pursued new skills. Yet, she often found excuses to postpone her own learning goals, particularly in areas outside her comfort zone.

As I consider these examples alongside my own experience, I'm struck by a profound realization: the skills and mindsets we help others develop are often the very ones we struggle with ourselves. This paradox raises some thought-provoking questions:

Why is it easier for us to advocate for others than for ourselves?
How do we reconcile the confidence we project professionally with the self-doubt we may feel personally?
What beliefs or fears hold us back from fully embodying the principles we espouse?
How can we bridge the gap between the growth we facilitate for others and our own personal development?

In my case, I've helped countless executive step into the spotlight, encouraging them to share their expertise and build their personal brands. I've guided them through the discomfort of self-promotion and the vulnerability of putting themselves out there. All the while, I've been hiding behind platforms, reluctant to fully step into my own light.

This realization is humbling, and yes, it makes me feel somewhat hypocritical. But it also offers a powerful opportunity for growth. When we acknowledge this paradox, we also open the door to deeper authenticity and more impactful leadership – both for ourselves and for those we guide.

The Cost of Inaction

As I dig deeper into this realization, I can't help but consider the opportunities I might have missed. How many potential clients have I not reached because I've relied solely on platforms? How much more impact could I have had if I had been more proactive in building my own brand and network?

Moreover, I wonder about the message this sends to my clients. Am I truly embodying the principles of growth and self-advocacy that I preach in our sessions? By not fully embracing my own potential, am I inadvertently limiting the example I set for those I coach?

Lessons from Coaching Others

Interestingly, the solution to my dilemma lies in the very advice I've given to countless clients over the years:

Embrace vulnerability: Share your journey, including the struggles, as it makes you more relatable and authentic.
Leverage your network: Don't be afraid to reach out and let people know how you can help them.
Consistently showcase your value: Regularly share insights, success stories, and the tangible results you've helped others achieve.
Invest in your own growth: Continuously upskill and stay ahead of industry trends.

It's time I start taking my own advice. But beyond these practical steps, perhaps the greatest lesson here is one of compassion. If accomplished leaders and even coaches like myself grapple with these contradictions, it's a testament to the universal nature of these challenges. It reminds us that growth is not a destination but a continual journey, filled with paradoxes and learning opportunities.

The Path Forward

As I look to the future, I'm committed to transforming this realization into action. Using my January workshop teaching on myself and 5 keys as below:

Develop a strong personal brand: I'll invest time in creating content that showcases my expertise and unique approach to executive coaching. This includes sharing my own struggles and growth journey, embracing the very vulnerability I encourage in my clients.
Build a direct client acquisition strategy: This includes networking, speaking engagements, and leveraging my existing client relationships for referrals. I'll push myself to be as proactive in promoting my own services as I encourage my clients to be in their careers.
Embrace self-promotion: I'll work on overcoming my reluctance to "toot my own horn" and start confidently sharing my successes and capabilities. This means reframing self-promotion not as bragging, but as a way to reach and help more people.
Diversify my service offerings: I'll explore new ways to package my expertise, perhaps through online courses or group coaching programs. This will include creating content around the common paradoxes in leadership, helping others navigate the same challenges I've faced.
Practice self-compassion: As I embark on this journey, I'll remember to be kind to myself, acknowledging that facing these challenges is part of the growth process.

Invitation for Connection

If you're a fellow coach, consultant, or professional service provider who resonates with this struggle, I invite you to connect. Let's support each other in building our personal brands and businesses, acknowledging that we're all works in progress.

And if you're an executive grappling with similar paradoxes in your leadership journey, know that you're not alone. I'd be honored to chat and explore how we can turn these challenges into opportunities for growth.

Conclusion

This year-end reflection has been a humbling yet empowering experience. It's reminded me that growth is a continuous journey, even for those of us in the business of facilitating growth for others. Recognizing the shared nature of these struggles has deepened my empathy and reinforced the importance of authenticity in leadership.

As I step into the new year, I do so with renewed purpose and a commitment to practice what I preach. I'm excited to embrace my own paradoxes, learn from my blind spots, and continually strive to be the best version of myself – both for my clients and for my own growth.

What paradoxes have you encountered in your own leadership journey? How have you navigated them?

Embrace the Unexpected

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 17:22:32 GMT

Harnessing your Optimism to Navigate Life's Uncertainties

We often move through life with certain expectations, believing that tomorrow will mirror today. We plan, we dream, and we assume a level of continuity and predictability. However, life’s true nature is far more unpredictable.

In fact, I would add on to say that life has a peculiar way of throwing us curveballs, more often than we expected or when we least expect them. Whatever that unexpected can be?

A sudden layoff
A sudden death
A sudden diagnosis of terminal illness especially when one is at the peak of health

How do you deal with it?

Recently, I found myself once again on a rollercoaster of something that I have never anticipated riding. In a whirlwind 11 days, I went from an initial endoscopy to the operating table – a removal of cancerous tumour in my colon.

The speed at which everything was unfolding left me feeling disconnected from reality, as if I were watching someone else's life unfold on a screen.

In those first moments, everything was a blur, nothing seems real, not until the after operations. For there was no confirmation of the cancer diagnosis in the first place; only appointment operations procedure then to see the doctor for the biopsy and CT scan results, literally a day before the operation!

It is like the storm that is supposed to come yet the sky looks clear and blue but dark clouds the next followed by strong winds and before you know it, it changes again!

But as the gravity of the situation sank in, I realized I had a choice to make—and fast. I could either let the whirlwind of events overwhelm me, or I could find a way to ground myself and face this challenge head-on. Although I am the patient, my life partner needed my mental support more than anything else at this moment with his dad suddenly moving in with us and needing 24hours care!

Enter Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism

It was in this moment of crisis that I remembered the work of Martin Seligman on learned optimism. Seligman, often regarded as the father of positive psychology, introduced the concept that optimism isn't just an innate trait—it's a skill we can develop and strengthen over time.

Seligman's research shows that optimists tend to:

View setbacks as temporary
See challenges as specific rather than global
Maintain a sense of personal control over outcomes

Armed with this knowledge that is always at the back of my mind, I intentionally set out to reframe my cancer journey, even as events continued to unfold at a dizzying pace.

Applying Optimism to My Cancer Journey

# 1. Temporary vs. Permanent

Instead of viewing cancer as a permanent state, I chose to see it as a temporary challenge. "This too shall pass" became my mantra.

# 2. Specific vs. Global

Rather than letting cancer define my entire existence, I focused on it as one aspect of my life. I was still a friend, a family member, a professional where I put my clients on hold during my hospital stay - cancer was just one part of my story.

# 3. Personal Control

While I couldn't control having cancer, I could control my response to it. I took an active role in my treatment decisions, lifestyle changes, and mental attitude. I was determined to recover at the fastest possible pace for instance asking the removal of the tubes on me on the mere 3rd day of my operations, as this means easier mobility with all tubes all over me, I am able to get out of the bed to walk which helpts to speed up the recovery process

The Surprising Results

To my amazement, this optimistic approach not only made the journey more bearable—it seemed to accelerate my recovery. My doctors noted my positive attitude, and I found myself bouncing back from treatments faster than expected.

Optimism in an Uncertain World

My experience with cancer taught me that optimism isn't about denying reality or pretending everything is perfect. It's about finding hope and possibility even in the darkest moments. As we face global challenges and personal setbacks, Seligman's approach offers a roadmap:

1. **Challenge negative thoughts**: When faced with a setback, examine your automatic responses. Are you catastrophizing or overgeneralizing?

2. **Look for evidence**: Seek out facts that contradict your negative assumptions. Often, reality is more balanced than our fears suggest.

3. **Consider alternative explanations**: Instead of jumping to the worst conclusion, brainstorm other possible outcomes or reasons for a situation.

4. **Focus on what you can control**: In any scenario, there are elements within your influence. Direct your energy there.

5. **Practice gratitude**: Regularly acknowledging the good in your life can shift your overall perspective.

A New Perspective

Our perspective determines what we see, and how we act for what we see, we do! A simple example, if we see a stone in front of us, we will avoid it by walking around it or other way so that we do not trip over it.

Today, cancer-free and filled with gratitude, I see the world differently. Every challenge is an opportunity to practice optimism, to grow, and to appreciate the resilience of the human spirit.

As you face your own uncertainties—whether they're health scares, professional setbacks, or global concerns—I encourage you to explore the power of learned optimism. It may not change your circumstances overnight, but it will change how you navigate them. And sometimes, that makes all the difference.

Remember, optimism isn't about ignoring the negative—it's about believing in your ability to handle whatever comes your way. In my case, it didn't just help me cope with cancer; it became a cornerstone of my recovery and my approach to life moving forward.

What challenges are you facing? How might a dose of learned optimism change your perspective? The journey starts with a single optimistic thought. Why not start today?

The Cornerstone of a Powerful Personal Brand

Sun, 13 Oct 2024 13:32:01 GMT

The interplay between authenticity and self-actualisation.

Branding; ..... no longer belongs to the big corporate like coca-cola, Apple, Amazon, etc etc

All of us carry a brand, an identity even as an individual in a personal and professional way, whether we are aware of not.

But what is my Brand?

How do I recognise it?

How do I build it?

As an executive coach, I’ve seen time and again how one quality stands out in the crowded marketplace of ideas, careers, and digital personas: authenticity. It's the force that separates those who merely exist professionally from those who truly resonate with their audience.

Authenticity is the golden thread that transforms a career journey into a powerful personal brand—one that reflects who you genuinely are, connects deeply with others, and leaves a lasting impact. But what does it really mean to be authentic in personal branding, and how can we tap into that to create a brand that truly speaks to our purpose and values?"

The Essence of Authenticity

Authenticity, in its purest form, is the courage to be genuinely yourself, unfiltered and unadorned by the expectations of others or the pressures of conformity. It's about aligning your outer expression with your inner truth, values, and passions. In the realm of personal branding, authenticity becomes the bridge between who you are at your core and how you present yourself to the world.

Consider for a moment the leaders, innovators, and influencers who have left an indelible mark on your life. Chances are, their impact stems not just from their achievements, but from the genuine way they've shared their journey, including their vulnerabilities and unique perspectives. This is authenticity in action, and it's the key to building a personal brand that not only stands out but stands the test of time.

The Paradox of Personal Branding

At first glance, the concept of personal branding might seem at odds with authenticity. After all, isn't branding about crafting a carefully curated image? This is where many fall into the trap of creating a persona that they believe will be most appealing, rather than one that truly reflects their authentic self.

The truth is, effective personal branding is not about creating a false image or pretending to be someone you're not. It's about strategically and genuinely communicating the essence of who you are, what you stand for, and the unique value you bring to the table. It's about amplifying your authentic self in a way that resonates with your target audience, whether that's potential employers, clients, or collaborators.

The Power of Vulnerability in Authenticity

One of the most powerful aspects of authenticity in personal branding is the willingness to be vulnerable. In a world often dominated by highlight reels and carefully crafted social media posts, showing your human side – including your struggles, doubts, and lessons learned – can be remarkably refreshing and engaging. Brené Brown, renowned researcher and author, puts it eloquently: "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." By sharing not just your successes but also your challenges and how you've overcome them, you create a more relatable and trustworthy brand. This vulnerability fosters deeper connections and can inspire others who may be facing similar obstacles.

Authenticity as a Differentiator

In a crowded marketplace where skills and qualifications often overlap, authenticity becomes your unique selling proposition. No one else has lived your exact experiences or sees the world through your particular lens. By embracing and showcasing your authentic self, you differentiate yourself in a way that cannot be replicated.

This differentiation is crucial in an age where personal brands are increasingly becoming the currency of professional success. Whether you're an entrepreneur, a corporate executive, or a creative professional, your authentic personal brand sets you apart and makes you memorable in a sea of similarities.

The Journey to Authentic Personal Branding

Cultivating an authentic personal brand is a journey of self-discovery and intentional communication. Here are key steps to embark on this transformative path:

1. Self-Reflection and Discovery

Begin by deeply exploring who you are, what you value, and what drives you. What are your passions, your quirks, your unique perspectives? What experiences have shaped you? This introspection forms the foundation of your authentic brand.

2. Define Your Core Message

Distill your self-discovery into a clear, compelling message. What do you stand for? What change do you want to see in your industry or the world? Your core message should reflect your authentic self and resonate with your target audience.

3. Align Your Online and Offline Presence

Ensure that how you present yourself online – through social media, your website, or professional profiles – aligns with who you are in person. Consistency across all platforms and in-person interactions builds trust and reinforces your authentic brand.

4. Share Your Story

Your personal journey, including both triumphs and setbacks, is a powerful tool in your branding arsenal. Share your story in a way that's genuine and relatable, highlighting the lessons and insights you've gained along the way.

5. Embrace Continuous Growth

Authenticity doesn't mean stagnation. As you grow and evolve, allow your personal brand to reflect these changes. Continuous learning and adaptation, when done authentically, can strengthen your brand over time.

6. Engage Genuinely

In your interactions, whether online or in person, focus on building real connections. Authentic engagement means listening as much as speaking, showing genuine interest in others, and being willing to have meaningful conversations beyond surface-level networking.

The Challenges of Authenticity

While the benefits of authenticity in personal branding are clear, it's not without its challenges. There's a vulnerability in showing your true self to the world, and not everyone will resonate with your authentic message. You may face criticism or find that some doors close as you become more aligned with your true self.

However, the doors that open – the opportunities, relationships, and personal growth that come from living and branding authentically – far outweigh these challenges. Remember, the goal of authentic personal branding isn't to appeal to everyone, but to deeply connect with those who align with your values and vision.

The Ripple Effect of Authentic Personal Branding

When you commit to authenticity in your personal brand, you create a ripple effect that extends far beyond your immediate professional circle. You inspire others to embrace their authentic selves, contributing to a more genuine and humane professional landscape. In a world often criticized for its superficiality, your authentic brand becomes a beacon of realness and integrity.

Moreover, an authentic personal brand serves as a compass, guiding your decisions and actions. When faced with choices or opportunities, you can ask yourself, "Does this align with my authentic brand?" This clarity not only simplifies decision-making but ensures that your career path remains true to your core values and aspirations.

Conclusion: The Authentic You is Your Best Brand

In the end, the most powerful personal brand is one that is genuinely, unapologetically you. It's a brand built on the foundation of your unique experiences, values, and vision. By embracing authenticity, you not only create a more compelling and memorable professional presence but also pave the way for more fulfilling and aligned opportunities.

http://eepurl.com/hmi7Gb

The Path to Personal Fulfillment

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 13:26:40 GMT

The interplay between authenticity and self-actualisation

Have you ever felt like there's something more to life, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Do you find yourself successful on paper, or to the outside world yet somehow feels unfulfilled? If you're nodding along, you're not alone. In today's fast-paced world, many of us find ourselves caught in a paradox – outwardly thriving, but inwardly yearning for something deeper.

This elusive 'something' that so many of us seek has a name, or rather, two: authenticity and self-actualization. These aren't just fancy psychological terms; they're the keys to unlocking a life of genuine fulfilment and purpose.

In this blog, we'll dive deep into the powerful synergy between authenticity and self-actualization. We'll explore how embracing your true self can catapult you towards your highest potential, and how striving for that potential can, in turn, reveal your most authentic self.

Whether you're a seasoned executive questioning your life's direction, a professional at a crossroads, or simply someone who knows there's more to life than the daily grind, this post is for you. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery that could change the way you view yourself, your career, and your place in the world.

Authenticity: Being True to Oneself

Authenticity refers to the degree to which one's actions align with their core values, beliefs, and true nature. It involves a genuine expression of oneself, unencumbered by societal expectations or the desire to conform.

Authenticity requires introspection and the courage to be vulnerable. An authentic individual therefore have a strong sense of self-awareness and are comfortable with their strengths, weaknesses, and unique qualities. This ability to acknowledge their imperfections and embracing them as part of their unique identify, helps them not to be easily swayed by external pressures or societal expectations instead remains grounded in their true self.

Self-Actualization: Reaching One's Full Potential

Self-actualization, a concept popularized by humanistic psychologists like Abraham Maslow and Carl Rogers, the pinnacle of human development. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is achieved when an individual fulfills their potential and becomes the most they can be. It involves pursuing personal growth, peak experiences, and the realization of one's talents and capabilities.

A self-actualized person seeks to understand their purpose in life and strives to achieve it. They are creative, autonomous, and have a profound sense of connection to the world around them. Self-actualization is not a static state but an ongoing process of becoming , marked by continuous personal evolution and self-discovery.

The Synergy Between Authenticity and Self-Actualization

The relationship between authenticity and self-actualization is both reciprocal and reinforcing, creating a powerful synergy that can propel us towards personal and professional growth.

Authenticity and self-actualization are very much like two wings of a bird where you can’t do without each other.

Authenticity is the sturdy, grounding wing that keeps you true to your core self, while self-actualization is the aspirational wing that lifts you towards your highest potential. Just as a bird needs both wings working in harmony to soar, you need both authenticity and self-actualization to reach new heights in your personal and professional life. One without the other leaves you unbalanced, but together, they create a powerful synergy that propels you forward on your journey of growth and fulfillment."

Authenticity as a Catalyst for Self-Actualization: When executives embrace their authentic selves, they are more likely to identify and pursue goals that align with their true passions and values. This alignment creates a sense of purpose and motivation, essential ingredients for self-actualization. For example, an executive who acknowledges their passion for sustainability might spearhead environmentally friendly initiatives within their organization, leading to both personal fulfillment and professional growth.
Self-Actualization Deepening Authenticity: As individuals progress on their journey of self-actualization, they often gain deeper insights into their true selves. This increased self-awareness further enhances their ability to live authentically. An executive who pursues challenging projects and continuous learning may discover new aspects of their personality and capabilities, allowing them to express themselves more genuinely in various aspects of life.
Overcoming Barriers: Both authenticity and self-actualization require overcoming societal pressures and internal fears. The pursuit of one often necessitates and facilitates growth in the other. For instance, an executive who decides to be more authentic in their leadership style may initially face resistance but ultimately find that this authenticity opens up new opportunities for growth and self-actualization.
Enhanced Well-being: Research has consistently shown that both authenticity and self-actualization contribute significantly to psychological well-being. Their combined effect can lead to greater life satisfaction, resilience, and positive relationships. Executives who align their work with their authentic selves and continuously strive for growth often report higher job satisfaction, better work-life balance, and improved overall well-being.
Leadership Impact: Authentic, self-actualizing executives often become more effective leaders. They inspire trust, foster creativity, and create environments where others can also pursue authenticity and growth. This can lead to improved team performance, increased innovation, and stronger organizational culture.

Imagine for a moment that your life is a vast, unexplored territory. Authenticity is your internal compass, always pointing true north to your genuine self. Self-actualization? That's the exhilarating journey of discovery, pushing your boundaries and realizing your full potential. When these two forces align, magic happens.

To create this magic:

Self-reflection: Engage in regular introspection through journaling, meditation, or professional coaching to enhance self-awareness and identify authentic goals.
Congruence: Strive to align professional decisions and actions with personal values and beliefs. This might involve reassessing career goals or initiating changes within one's current role.
Growth Mindset: Cultivate a perspective that views challenges as opportunities for growth and self-actualization. Embrace continuous learning and seek out experiences that push comfort zones.
Acceptance: Practice self-acceptance and embrace unique qualities. Recognize that authenticity involves acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses.
Courage: Develop the courage to pursue authentic goals, even in the face of organizational or societal pressures. This might involve having difficult conversations or making unconventional career choices.
Balance: Seek balance between professional achievements and personal growth. Pursue interests and passions outside of work that contribute to overall self-actualization.
Mentorship: Consider both seeking mentorship for personal growth and offering mentorship to others. This reciprocal relationship can foster authenticity and self-actualization for all involved.
Legacy Planning: Reflect on the long-term impact and legacy you wish to leave. Align current actions and decisions with this broader perspective.

Challenges and Considerations

While the pursuit of authenticity and self-actualization is rewarding, it's not without challenges. Many of us especially at Midlife face:

Fear of vulnerability in competitive environments
Time constraints balancing work, family, and personal growth
Societal expectations of success that may conflict with our personal values

It's important to approach this journey with patience, resilience, and a support system that understands and encourages personal growth.

Conclusion

The synergy between authenticity and self-actualization offers a powerful framework for understanding personal growth and fulfillment, particularly for midlife seeking deeper meaning and purpose in their lives. By recognizing and nurturing this relationship, we can embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and realization, ultimately leading to more satisfying personal lives and more impactful professional careers.

As coach, we recognize that each individual's path to authenticity and self-actualization is unique. The journey often involves challenges, setbacks, and moments of profound insight. It requires courage, persistence, and often, guidance.

If you find yourself at a crossroads in your career or personal life, questioning your purpose or seeking deeper meaning, know that you're not alone. Many reach a point where they desire more than just professional success – they seek fulfilment, authenticity, and the opportunity to reach their full potential.

The journey to self-actualization is deeply intertwined with the pursuit of authenticity. By living authentically, you lay the foundation for discovering your true potential and achieving personal fulfillment. This alignment creates a life rich with purpose, meaning, and genuine connections. Embrace your true self, and you will find the path to self-actualization not only attainable but profoundly rewarding.

We invite you to reach out for a conversation about where you are in your search for purpose and meaning. Whether you're just beginning to explore these concepts or you're well along your journey, a professional perspective can offer valuable insights and strategies.

Beyond the Noise: The Hidden Power of Stillness

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Fri, 16 Aug 2024 12:06:44 GMT

The Whispers of Calm

In our world today that glorifies busyness and productivity, busyness is often worn as a badge of honor and productivity is relentlessly pursued. Every corner, we turned we can hear words like “where has the time gone to”, “I have so much more to do”, “I am constantly juggling”, “I need to better prioritise”, and so on.

We live in a culture that equates constant activity with success, leaving little room to appreciate the value of quietness where it is so easily cast aside. Finding moments of quietness can seem like a luxury. Holiday; a time to relax, away from the noise and busyness has also become a time packed with activities. It is no surprise most need a holiday after their much-planned holiday.

With constant notifications, endless to-do lists, and a never-ending stream of information bombarding us from all sides, it can be challenging to carve out time for quiet reflection.

Yet, taking the time to step back from the chaos of daily life and simply be present in the moment is not just a luxury—it's a necessity. In the quiet, we find a refuge from the noise that constantly surrounds us, allowing our minds to rest and our bodies to unwind. This intentional pause from the frenzy helps to reduce the stress, anxiety, and overwhelm that can accumulate from our never-ending to-do lists.

Quietness invites us to slow down, breathe deeply, and reconnect with ourselves on a much deeper level. It creates space for reflection and introspection, giving us the clarity to see what truly matters. In these moments of stillness, we can hear the whispers of our own thoughts and feelings, often drowned out by the din of daily life.

Moreover, quietness provides a much-needed break from the constant stimulation of modern life. With our senses bombarded by notifications, media, and the demands of our surroundings, the mind craves moments of peace to recharge. By embracing quietness, we nurture our mental well-being, fostering a sense of calm that enhances our overall quality of life.

Profound benefits of stillness, quietness or mindfulness some may call it!

BUT!!!

A bumble busy bee like me, quietness or stillness as we called it has been a foreign concept to me all my life. I am a super energetic little bud, sitting still even for a minute is a big challenge. I like to be on the move all the time, doing something simultaneously, keeping busy is my motto!

Since i am so good with busyness, naturally I became super good with multi-taskings too. So much so that I can’t imagine doing nothing and pride myself as being efficient! Others would even comment on my super ability – the ability of keeping up with so many things yet having the energy!

When time is never enough, when there are simply too many things to do at work or at home. I need to maximise my time.

Doing nothing is a luxury that I would never contemplate!

I don’t remember when it happened, how it happened. It happened...

Maybe it is the long-term habits of relentless doing, maybe it’s the gradual increase of my anxiety level, manifesting in my digestive system, maybe it’s my son sudden departure – I was literally forced to take a pause, force to take a breather, force to slow down to give myself a moment...

A moment that belongs only to me, to my thoughts, to me and Nathaniel....

Do you know what that moment is like?

In one of my recent workshop about navigating the Balance in our life, one participant noted that despite knowing it is important to have self-care but the guilt of taking time off is immense hence the cycle of doing is inevitable.

“The trouble with rat race is even if you win, you’re still a rat”. Lily Tomlin

Not until we are able to step out of the race, we won’t be able to see ourselves fully. Henceforth, whether we win or lose, we are still in the race and we are still a rat!

Until we are able to take that breather. We can then say it; it is ok to do nothing

That is when I realised there is time for busyness, there is also time for stillness. I love being with people, I love to organise events, I love to host, to entertain, yet I found I gradually found a quiet side of me – the creativity side, the expressive side through writing, the quiet side where I just listen deeply to the other person.

“Whatever project you undertake, whether personal or professional, spiritual or spiritual, noble or mundane, if you do not begin from a mindful state, a state that comes from your being, you are heading for disappointment and failure. ” Quiet mind, by David Kundtz

The world is always telling us to keep busy, but how many of us truly know what we are busy about, why are we kept busy all the time? Is the doing in alignment to who we are. As per Adam Grant, know your WHY.

If we are not mindfulness of our time, we tend to get sucked into the busyness that is anything that is more urgent regardless of their importance. And the effect is even more prominent in people who describe themselves as “busy”

Being busy is not the same as being productive. Many of us could spend hours putting out fires and, at the end of the day, we find that we are no closer to reaching our goals.

When we are to cultivate our window of quietness, we learnt to quieten our noisy mind and thus able to put the importance tasks to work. As per the saying when we take one step back so that we can take 2 steps forward

SO here are some science ways to find your quietness: MIP

Be Mindfulness
Be Intention
Give yourself Permission

Mindfulness helps you increased awareness of your mind, body, and surroundings, which can have many benefits, like reducing stress. You don't have to do meditation to gain the benefits of mindfulness.

When you are able to increase the awareness, you will start to be able to take more control of your busyness vs your quietness

Be Intentional – like the Eisenhower matrix where we covered in last month blog, when we are not intentional, we are simply lead by what is right in front of us ie the urgent tasks

When we give ourselves the permission to be still, to be quiet, to do nothing. There is no longer a need for any adversity to justify our not doing!

Have a go!

Love to hear of your development OR join me at my 15mins mindfulness practice on Sunday to experience a guided mindfulness time

Unshackle your authentic Self

Sat, 13 Jul 2024 15:13:02 GMT

The Journey from People Pleasing to Empowerment

Do you find yourself having the need to please, to rescue, to the extent of constantly seeking approval, at times going to great lengths to meet others’ expectations or needs, undermining your own heart desires as it just doesn’t feel nice to say no, so much so that at times you feel drained, angry or resentful by the relentless pursuit of being the goody good person.

Know for sure. You are not alone!

Many of us have been conditioned to prioritize the comfort or needs /happiness of others above our own.

WHY?

Have you ever asked yourself?

One answered I know:

I want them to like ME when I explored further with him.

Many of us, including high performing executives have spent decades perfecting the art of pleasing others.

Is it time to pause and ask ourselves: in this lifetime of accommodating everyone else, where did we place our own desires and dreams?

The Roots of People-Pleasing

Think back to your childhood. Remember the praise you received for being "such a good child". The warm glow of approval when you put others' needs before your own? These early experiences lay the foundation for a lifetime of people-pleasing behaviors.

As we grow, society reinforces these patterns. We're taught that being liked is paramount, that rocking the boat is dangerous, and that our worth is tied to how well we meet others' expectations. For many women, this translates into a relentless pursuit of perfection in every role – the flawless executive, the ever-patient mother, the supportive partner, the dependable friend.

The High Cost of Always Saying "Yes"

At first glance, being a people-pleaser might seem like a virtue. After all, isn't it admirable to be selfless and accommodating? But let's pull back the curtain on this seemingly positive trait:

Loss of Identity: When we constantly mold ourselves to fit others' expectations, we lose touch with our authentic selves. Who are you when you're not being who everyone else needs you to be?
Chronic Stress and Burnout: The pressure to be everything to everyone is exhausting. It's a recipe for physical and emotional burnout.
Resentment and Anger: Suppressing your own needs and desires doesn't make them disappear. Instead, they often transform into resentment and unexpressed anger.
Unfulfilling Relationships: Paradoxically, always saying "yes" can lead to shallow connections. True intimacy requires authenticity and the ability to set boundaries.
Stifled Potential: When we're busy meeting others' expectations, we often neglect our own aspirations and potential for growth.

The Wake-Up Call

For many, the realization that they've been living to please others comes as a sudden, jarring awakening. It might be triggered by a milestone birthday, a career setback, or a personal loss. For me, it was the heart-wrenching loss of my son that shattered the carefully constructed facade of my life.

In that moment of profound grief, I was forced to confront a hard truth: I had spent years climbing the corporate ladder, achieving external markers of success, all while neglecting my own deepest desires and authentic self. The roles I had so carefully crafted – the high-powered executive, the perfect mother, the supportive wife – suddenly felt hollow.

This wake-up call, painful as it was, became the catalyst for profound change. It forced me to ask: Who am I when I'm not trying to meet everyone else's expectations? What do I truly want from this one precious life?

The Journey to Authenticity

Breaking free from a lifetime of people-pleasing isn't easy. It's a journey that requires courage, self-reflection, and often, support. Here are some steps to start your own journey:

Self-Awareness: Begin by observing your behaviors and motivations. When do you say "yes" when you really want to say "no"? What fears drive your people-pleasing tendencies?
Redefine Your Worth: Recognize that your value isn't determined by how much you do for others or how well you meet their expectations. You are inherently worthy, just as you are.
Set Boundaries: Start small. Practice saying "no" to minor requests that don't align with your priorities. Remember, every "no" to someone else is a "yes" to yourself.
Embrace Discomfort: Changing long-standing patterns will feel uncomfortable at first. That's okay. Discomfort is a sign of growth.
Reconnect with Your Desires: After years of focusing on others, you might struggle to identify what you truly want. Give yourself permission to explore, experiment, and rediscover your passions.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth and respect your boundaries. Consider working with a coach or therapist who can guide you through this transformation.

The Power of Authenticity

As you begin to shed the weight of others' expectations and step into your authentic self, you'll likely experience a sense of liberation. You'll find that when you honor your true self:

Your relationships become more genuine and fulfilling
You have more energy to pursue what truly matters to you
Your creativity and productivity often increase
You become a role model for others, especially younger women, showing them the power of living authentically

Remember, the goal isn't to stop caring about others or to become selfish. Instead, it's about finding a balance where you can be there for others without losing yourself in the process.

A Call to Awakening

If you've recognized yourself in this journey of people-pleasing, consider this your call to awakening. Your "second act" – a life lived with authenticity and purpose – is waiting for you.

Imagine the impact you could have, both personally and professionally, when you bring your full, authentic self to the table. Picture the doors that might open when you start prioritizing your own growth and fulfillment.

The world doesn't need more women contorting themselves to fit into prescribed roles. It needs women who are brave enough to be themselves, to lead with authenticity, and to show others the way.

Are you ready to break free from the chains of people-pleasing? To rediscover your authentic self and ignite a purpose-driven 'second act' that blends success with deep personal fulfillment?

The journey starts with a single step – the decision to prioritize your own truth. It won't always be easy, but I promise you, it will be worth it. Because at the end of the day, the most important person you need to please is yourself.

Your authentic self is waiting. Are you ready to meet her?

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Quiet Extrovert

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 09:45:37 GMT

Extroversion enjoying quiet movement

Extroversion is a personality trait typically characterized by outgoingness, high energy, and/or talkativeness. In general, the term refers to a state of being where someone “recharges,” or draws energy, from being with other people; the opposite—drawing energy from being alone—is known as introversion.

Both are a central trait dimension in human personality theory. The terms were introduced into psychology by Carl Jung ,where he defined introversion as an "attitude-type characterised by orientation in life through subjective psychic contents", and extraversion as "an attitude-type characterised by concentration of interest on the external object". [4]

Extraversion and introversion are typically viewed as a single continuum , so to be higher in one necessitates being lower in the other.

Yet in the cacophony of personalities that populate this world, there exists a paradoxical creature known as the quiet extrovert. As Jung suggested, everyone has both an extraverted side and an introverted side, with one being more dominant than the other.

In accordance to DISC personality traits, there is the “intensity” level of our introversion or extroversion ie how extrovert or introvert you are for example on the scale of said 1-5 and for most people this intensity also shifts with age.

In other word, this enigmatic individual navigates the social landscape with a delicate balance of introspection and outward expression, embodying the duality of solitude and sociability.

At first glance, the quiet extrovert may appear as an anomaly—a contradiction in terms. After all, how can one be both introverted and extroverted simultaneously? Yet, upon closer inspection, their complexity reveals itself in subtle nuances and contradictions.

In social settings, the quiet extrovert is often mistaken for a wallflower, blending seamlessly into the background as they observe the ebb and flow of conversation. They possess an innate ability to listen deeply, attuned to the unspoken nuances of human interaction, while quietly absorbing the energy of the room.

But beneath the surface lies a reservoir of untapped vitality, waiting to be unleashed in moments of connection and camaraderie. When the opportunity arises, the quiet extrovert emerges from their shell with a quiet confidence, their words carrying weight and substance born from introspection and reflection.

Unlike their more boisterous counterparts, the quiet extrovert finds solace in solitude, cherishing moments of quiet contemplation amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life. They are not afraid to venture into the depths of their own minds, exploring the intricacies of their thoughts and emotions with a sense of curiosity and wonder.

Personality traits have always been an area of fascination to me, I don’t know when this interest took root in me. Perhaps it sparked around three decades ago when I first did the DISC assessment, revealing my personality type as "I".

I Personality Types are basically spontaneous communicators. They are intuitive and agreeable, and very motivating when in a team or group. They deal with change well and respond well to the unexpected, often putting a positive spin on any negative factors. They are therefore classed as one with strong socialisation skills due to their outgoing nature.

Yet i have a hard time accepting the description – on one hand I recognised some of the traits on the other hand, I was very uncomfortable with the other descriptions.

I never for a moment thought I thrive in a crowd, like many, I tend to go to a corner, find a familiar face when I am in a party or a big group. I much prefer a one-to-one than a big crowd although I do love the attention especially when I am hosting an event. I simply love to mingle around the crowd as I generate so much energy, and I get ‘high’ without the alcohol.

So how does one decide he/she is an introvert or extrovert? OR do we change with age or situation

Called it aging or wisdom as I noticed that I am encountering more and more people that is no longer a straight froward extrovert or introvert, yes a chameleon ie processing both traits!

They enjoyed the social connection yet it is clear that they thrive in their own company. Drawing energy from the dynamic interplay of personalities and perspectives, they relish in the exchange of ideas and experiences, forging meaningful connections that enrich their lives in ways both profound and enduring.

Many of us are a made up of multiple traits due to our upbringing that incorporates our values, beliefs, culture and our unique personality. We are never either this or that rather a mixture of our everything including our very life experiences that mount us.

In a world that often values extroversion over introversion, the quiet extrovert offers a gentle reminder that strength lies not in the volume of one's voice, but in the depth of one's character. They embody the delicate balance between solitude and sociability, carving out a space for themselves in a world that celebrates both the loud and the quiet.

So let us celebrate the quiet extroverts among us, for they are the silent catalysts of change, the unsung heroes of connection and community. In their quietude lies a power that transcends words—a power born from the depth of their souls and the richness of their inner world

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Unlock Your Productivity Potential

Tue, 14 May 2024 16:32:43 GMT

Mindful Clarity

Juggler of academia, career, and family, whose pursuit of excellence knows no bounds! (Many of my clients are high performance women leaders who seeks to navigate the intricate dance of high-flying careers, familial responsibilities, with the extent of scholarly pursuits with unparalleled finesse).

In the whirlwind of your extraordinary life, where every moment is a precious commodity, the quest for productivity takes on a whole new dimension. You're not just striving to get things done; you're on a mission to maximize every ounce of your potential, to carve out the time and space needed to excel in all your endeavours.

In this grand symphony of life, productivity becomes the conductor that orchestrates the harmony between your various roles and responsibilities. It's about finding the optimal rhythm that allows you to excel in your career, while still being present for your loved ones, and making steady progress towards your scholarly aspirations.

But let's be real - the challenges you face are as formidable as they are diverse. From the demands of a high-flying job that never seems to rest, to the complexities of managing a bustling household with two teenagers in tow, to the daunting task of completing a Ph.D. or MBA amidst it all - your plate is undoubtedly full to the brim.

So, how does one navigate such treacherous terrain with grace and aplomb?

Prioritisation?

But they are all important, you can’t neglect your children who are having major exams, you can’t don’t do your job, you can’t ignore your thesis, you can’t....

What do you do?

The answer lies not in simply working harder or faster, but in working smarter and with greater intentionality.

I am going to share two very well-known techniques

The productivity matrix or some called Eishenhower Matrix

The Eisenhower Matrix is a simple decision-making tool that helps you make the distinction between tasks that are important, not important, urgent, and not urgent. It splits tasks into four boxes that prioritize which tasks you should focus on first and which you should delegate or delete.

If you are honest, you will find you spent most of your time in the “URGENT” column important or not because it is urgent, it must be attended to right away!

This client of mine who was nearly at the end of her PhD but she just couldn’t get down to incorporating the feedbacks from her supervisor. WHY? She just couldn’t find the time and energy to do anything else other than her Urgent columns,

There is always something more important that needed her attention right away and she is so overwhelmed that she didn’t even has her own time for exercise, to recharge her energy, it is always relentless doing!

The cycle continues...

Take a moment for yourself; where are you most of your time?

If you spend most of your time in the “Delete” quadrat, you will feel stressed and unfulfilled as it is soemthing that catches your attention surfing on social media where it does not increase your productivity
Your Urgent column like delegate are tasks that you need to do yet it does not increase your overall productivity
Your Urgent ‘DO’ is something important and needs done today like you need to use your project management tool to help to complete your tasks
Decide are those that align to your long term goals and commitments that contribute to your overall goals, wellbeing. Yet not spending time here implies your time is sucked up by the urgent as there is no timing space

Now, fill into these 4 boxes and what do you notice about yourself?

2. Mind-Mapping

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and scattered. With so many distractions or tasks vying for our attention, staying focused and productive can seem like an impossible task.

Mind Mapping seem like an obvious tool yet many has forgotten its usefulness. When we are able to lay out all those needed required tasks from our mind (brain) onto a clean sheet of paper, labelling into various buckets and sub-buckets. We get a profound clarity as we can then see where are those tasks, what are those things, and how are they connected.

Yes we are the able to objectively to prioritise: to delegate, to delete, to do or to decide what’s next.

If you like more details on either of the techniques in further details; please email me with the subject: Productivity Blog

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Mothering Sunday

Sat, 13 Apr 2024 12:44:50 GMT

Happy Mother's Day!

Dedicated to my son, Nathaniel

Mother day; a day for many to show their appreciation towards their own mothers, mothers-in-law, grandmothers, stepmothers etc. It is an annual event worldwide yet the day to celebrate can be quite different for each country in place.

Growing up in Singapore, where Mother's Day falls consistently on the second Sunday of May, the date held a certain predictability, a rhythm that I came to rely on. But now, thousands of miles away from home, the significance of this day feels both poignant and elusive in too many ways to name.

In the UK, it is called the Mothering Sunday held on the fourth Sunday of Lent. It is exactly three weeks before Easter Sunday and usually falls in the second half of March or early April.

Mothering Sunday was originally a time when people returned to the church, in which they were baptized or where they attended services when they were children. This meant that families were reunited as adults returned to the towns and villages where they grew up. In time, it became customary for young people who were working as servants in large houses, to be given a holiday on Mothering Sunday. They could use this day to visit their own mother and often took a gift of food or hand-me-down clothing from their employers to her. In turn, this moved towards the modern holiday, on which people still visit and take gifts to their mothers.

Since mothering Sunday in UK follows the Lent, I'm reminded of the profound truth that lies at the heart of my journey since that fateful Good Friday!

On this day, when the Brits celebrate the bond between mothers and children, I am acutely aware of the void left in the wake. Celebration has not sit right with me for a long time especially on this day when my son's absence is felt heavily.

His departure is as if I have awaken to a world where the laws of physics have been upended. I had referenced all events in my life to his birthdate. But I am now greeted by a surreal sense of weightlessness like the pull of gravity which anchored me to the earth is gone. Now, I feel afloat, driftng in a sea of boundless space, untethered and weightless.

I find myself drifting aimlessly, like one who has lost her sense of timing, untethered from the familiar forces that once governed my existence. The ground beneath my feet, once solid and dependable, has vanished, leaving me suspended in a state of perpetual uncertainty. I am finding it increasingly difficult to remember the years Nathaniel has left my side.

"What a hopeless mum I am?"

“No mother will ever forget their own child”, my counsellor comforted me when I went to see him during my recent trip to Singapore when I told him that I thought I no longer need to see him (my counsellor) about that void. Those words echoed to my consciousness or subconsciousness each time I felt I should be getting over him since I can no longer count the years that has gone by.

Yet, the immense unexpressed emotions swirl within me every time his picture surfaces on my phone, when I returned to Singapore each time, when it's Mothering Sunday, when I see the daffodils (his place of burial is called the Daffodils), when....

The immense sense of grief that washes over me whenever I am reminded of my son's death is like an unyielding tide, relentless in its force and overwhelming in its intensity. It's as if every memory, every fleeting thought of him, carries with it the weight of a thousand boulders, crushing me beneath their unbearable burden. Each recollection is a jagged shard of pain, piercing the fragile fabric of my heart and leaving behind a raw, gaping wound that refuses to heal.

In those moments, it feels as though the very air around me has thickened with sorrow, suffocating me with its oppressive weight. I am engulfed in a sea of anguish, drowning in the depths of my own despair, unable to find respite or solace from the relentless onslaught of grief.

And yet, amidst the darkness and despair, there is a glimmer of light—a flicker of hope that refuses to be extinguished. For even in the depths of my sorrow, I am reminded of the boundless love that still binds us together, transcending even the veil of death.

In those moments of unbearable pain, I was also acutely reminded of Nathaniel's liveliness and caring nature as if he has a purpose here on earth - to demonstrate the love in action. He never bear grudges to those who did him injustice, he genuinely cares about others, older or younger. He inspired the younger ones in the church to be faithful. The eulogies had taught me a life lesson that I can no longer hide.

This brought to mind the Australian nurse, Bronnie Ware who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called  Inspiration and Chai , which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called  The Top Five Regrets of the Dying . 

Unlike those in their last 12 weeks of their lives - I probably have another 30-50years to live. Yet,  I cannot turn back the clock, I can no longer do anything else for him as a mum, I can no longer hear his cheerful voice. So I allow myself to feel the depths of my grief, to surrender to the waves of sorrow that threaten to overwhelm me. For in embracing my pain, I honor the memory of my son and the love he had demonstrated. And finding solace in the knowledge that he will always be a part of me, forever cherished and never forgotten.

I hold onto the memories he has left for me. With the realisation that I can only live in worthy of his memories; is to live now, is to live in the presence, is to treasure what I have, not to let the past haunt me nor the future worries me; living a worthy life - a life of truth, a life of authenticity. A life that counts !

14th April 2024

Know the Truth in my Heart

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 22:14:00 GMT

A journey of reflections

In the pulsating rhythm of the bustling cityscape, where skyscrapers pierce the skyline the hum of traffic, and the dynamic blend of diverse cultures paint a vivid portrait of urban energy, a symphony of materialism and rapid living plays out.

Welcome to this urban symphony, where change is a constant!

Singapore, with its dynamic energy and ever-changing urban tapestry, became a reflective canvas.

Every trip back to this city-state has been marked by new architectural wonders and evolving landscapes. The city's relentless pursuit of excellence and efficiency often mirrors the constant rhythm of the mind's logic, leaving little room for the softer nuances of the heart.

This recent trip became more than a physical exploration; it evolved into a profound introspection, a pilgrimage to find the truth nestled within the chambers of my heart.

Opting for the MRT of 1.5 hours over the usual cab route journey was more than a practical decision; it became a metaphorical step toward embracing the alignment within myself.

As I settle into the train, the city's dynamic energy transforms into a rhythmic pulse, guiding my thoughts inward. The ever-moving landscape outside the window mirrors the relentless pace of life, prompting a deep reflection on my own experiences.

In the past, this journey usually sparked a flurry of comparisons—a mental tally of achievements, progress, and societal expectations; my past vs my present, myself vs others. However, as the train carves through the city, I find a newfound peace within, a departure from the need for constant comparison.

The incessant need for external validation, the compulsion to prove oneself, and the chase after material possessions—all began to lose their grip. The train's rhythmic motion becomes a meditative backdrop, allowing me to sift through my thoughts with clarity. The city, once a cacophony of societal pressures, transformed into a backdrop for introspection.

In this quiet knowing, a tranquil and authentic experience of my trip gently unfolds.

Like any individual journey, life often mirrors the challenging terrain of a desert. The arid stretches, symbolic of the adversities we encounter, can sometimes seem endless and unforgiving.

Yet, within this metaphorical desert, each of us has the potential to emulate the extraordinary resilience of a flower that defies the odds, blooming and blossoming in the face of adversity.

As we encounter the scorching heat of trials, the relentless winds of uncertainty, and the barren landscapes of setbacks. The image of a flower bravely unfurling its petals in the harshest conditions becomes not just a visual metaphor but a reflection of our own journey.

When we allow ourselves to acknowledge those unpleasant emotions, not run away but simply sit with it, allowing it to surface, acknowledge it.

The insights will usually surface and we will then rise above each of those experience, like the flower blossoming in the desert. Do not undermine the power of labelling it!

It dawns upon me not with my thought but my heart that the key to inner contentment lies not in the external markers of success but in embracing the uniqueness of my own journey. The city, with all its ambitions and complexities, serves as a stage for personal growth rather than a battlefield of comparisons.

Amidst the urban chaos, I've learned to appreciate the small, seemingly mundane moments—the fleeting glimpses of greenery between towering structures, the shared smiles with fellow commuters, and the soothing cadence of the train's movement. These moments become the petals of resilience blooming in the concrete desert.

For those seeking a similar transformation, consider these tips:

Embrace Mindfulness in Motion: In the hustle of urban life, find moments for mindfulness. Whether during a commute or a busy day, carve out time to observe your thoughts without judgment. This practice fosters self-awareness and helps detach from the need for constant comparison.
Cultivate Gratitude for the Journey: Shift the focus from the destination to the journey itself. Acknowledge the beauty in the small victories, the lessons learned, and the personal growth along the way. Cultivating gratitude for the journey amplifies the sense of fulfillment.
Connect with Nature Amidst Urbanity: Seek out pockets of nature within the urban landscape. Whether it's a city park, a rooftop garden, or even a pot of flowers on your windowsill, connecting with nature brings moments of tranquility and serves as a reminder of life's inherent beauty.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself on this journey. Understand that everyone's path is unique, and growth often comes with its own pace and timing. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion, allowing room for personal evolution without unnecessary comparison.

The urban landscape may be relentless, but within its pulse lies an opportunity for personal introspection and transformation.

This shift is not only liberating but also empowering. As I am able to find solace in the present moment and anchor myself in authenticity.

The inner peace I've cultivated becomes a resilient foundation upon which I can build the life I truly desire. Armed with this clarity, I step forward with confidence, unburdened by the shackles of comparison, and open to the endless possibilities that await on my journey ahead. , I am ready to move ahead in my life with a newfound sense of purpose.

I embraced the wisdom that the heart offers—a truth often drowned out by the clamor of the external world. The path to honesty within oneself isn't always easy; it requires a willingness to confront the shadows and unearth the authentic self buried beneath societal expectations.

The journey, both physical and internal, became a testament to the power of embracing one's truth.

As I alighted from the train, the bustling city no longer seemed like a maze of demands but a canvas awaiting the strokes of my authentic expression.

What about you?

Where are you now on your journey?

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The Authenticity Equation

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 15:17:47 GMT

Navigating Workplace Dynamics

In the intricate tapestry of workplace dynamics, effective communication or collaboration are like the threads that weave the fabric of success. Within this complex weave, countless individual stories emerge, each unique in its struggle to balance their authenticity with the demands of adaption.

Meet Sarah (not her real name), a vivacious individual embodying the 'Yellow' personality trait in the DISC model—characterized by enthusiasm, sociability, and a gift for fostering connections.

However, as we step into the corridors of her new organization, Sarah finds herself in a terrain where 85% of her subordinates seem to reside in a world colored by a different spectrum – one dominated by reservedness, age-old wisdom, and an analytical nature akin to the steadfast "C" or "Blue" personality traits. In this sea of subtle blues, Sarah's vibrant yellow stands out, a hue that becomes both her beacon and her challenge.

In her relentless pursuit to elevate her team to new heights, Sarah encounters a perplexing dichotomy. Her creative endeavors, brimming with innovative ideas and boundless enthusiasm, are met not with applause but with a chorus of criticism. The very qualities that define her, the vivacity that fuels her leadership style, seem to clash with the prevailing tones of her surroundings.

This marks the beginning of the dedicate balance between authenticity and adaptation, where Sarah becomes the protagonist in a story that mirrors the universal challenge of harmonizing one's true self with the intricacies of workplace dynamics.

Throughout our coaching journey, she grapples with the daunting question of how to adapt her style so she can win the hearts of her people and lead them to greater achievements.

As she navigates this intricate tapestry, she found herself getting deeper and deeper into a space where she felt she has surrounded her authenticity, losing her yellowness. Many a times, she contemplates the worth of staying in a job that bring her misery, tears flowing as her labor of love is turned into criticism—directly or indirectly.

Thoughts of quitting loom around her, questioning the viability of continuing when her efforts go unappreciated. Alternatively, the temptation arises to emulate her predecessor—be less personal, care only about tasks, and restrict conversations to work-related matters.

How does one we find the Dedicate Balance of adapting without losing their authenticity

Understanding The Differences in Preference Style

The Yellow personality thrives on people-oriented interactions, loves to talk, is optimistic, and encourages others. They are generally trusting and motivated by approval, flattery, praise, popularity, or acceptance.

Contrastingly, the Blue personality is characterized by perfectionism, valuing accuracy and correctness. They take pride in their work, approaching tasks in a logical, analytical, and systematic way. They are fact-finders, precise, conscientious, and may lean towards criticism and testing received information.

Do you recognizing the literal opposition in these personality traits is crucial in understanding the inevitable clashes that may arise.

2. Finding Common Ground

With this awareness, it helps Sarah to appreciate her subordinates’ strengths that is clearly missing in her and adapt her style so that they can ‘hear’ her. This way, instead of completely subduing her ‘Yellow’ traits, she has learnt to communicate in a more effective manner with subordinates. She will incorporate key details and presenting information in a structured manner to satisfy the blueness need for details and structure while maintaining her enthusiasm.

3. Flexibility and Adaptability

When Sarah is able to embrace the idea that authenticity doesn't mean rigidity. By remaining flexible and adapting her communication style when necessary, she found a balance between staying true to herself and effectively engaging with her people.

4. Seeking Feedback

Sarah actively sought feedback from her people, aiming to understand how her communication style was perceived. This open dialogue facilitated a mutual understanding and allowed for continuous improvement without sacrificing authenticity.

Sarah's journey highlights the challenges many face when navigating authenticity in professional relationships, especially when dealing with diverse personality traits. By understanding, adapting, and finding common ground, individuals like Sarah can strike a balance between authenticity and effective communication. In the intricate dance of workplace dynamics, the key lies not in losing oneself but in authentically adapting to foster meaningful connections.

Do you see yourself in this story, if so how have you been adapting to your environment without compromising your core being

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Embrace the Renewal

Fri, 12 Jan 2024 19:37:16 GMT

Temporal Tapestry: Reflecting on 2023 and Anticipating 2024

“The end of a year is the beginning of another year; the end of a day is also the beginning of another.” Aries Yeo

As these words echo in my mind, I find myself standing at the threshold of 2024, contemplating the significance of time; the 8760 hours that make up a year and the fleeting 24 hours that shape each day.

#1 Reflection on Achievements and Challenges:

As the curtain falls on the past 365 days, I pause to reflect on the tapestry of events, both momentous and unassuming, that have woven themselves into the fabric of my life. In this span, I've realized the depth of my achievements, each one a testament to growth and resilience:

Awarded my long-awaited ICF PCC accreditation, an acknowledgement of my experience and skills as a coach. Mentoring those applying for ACC accreditation has extended my own learnings.
Commencing learning on human resources with Organisation Development as a start, to extend my knowledge into this new realm.
A stable stream of clients through BetterUp 
Gain momentum to write my book after many attempts over the last 5 years
Mastering the art of baking sourdough bread, a delightful surprise of the year

The year also bore witness to moments of sadness, bidding farewell to significant individuals, including my mentor from the local church and my ex-host from Cambridge during my university days. Their departures reminded me of the elasticity of time—it's always there, yet can be suddenly taken away if not handled with care.

#2 Essence of Time

I'm prompted to question: Is the essence of my 8760 hours solely defined by reaching destinations, or does its significance extend beyond achievements? What does this annual cycle mean in the grand tapestry of a lifetime, and how does it compare to the profound impact of a single day?

In the rhythm of life, every day unfolds as a new beginning, offering us the opportunity to navigate the ebb and flow of time. The difference lies not in the duration—24 hours versus 8760 hours—but in how we choose to navigate and embrace the moments that come our way.

Both the 365 days and the 24 hours share a common thread—their power lies in renewal and restart. Each provides a canvas to let go of the burdens of the past, learn from experiences, and hold onto the truths that have shaped our journey.

In every fleeting moment, goodness mingles with challenges, and lessons quietly unfold. The key lies in our awareness—how attuned are we to the nuances of our daily existence? Where are we in our journey—moving steadily forward, facing obstacles, or perhaps taking steps backward?

#3 Understanding of Universal Human Needs & Personality Preferences

A sudden realization emerges—a yearning to imbue the upcoming 8760 hours with a deeper sense of connection with others and continue to reconnect with my authenticity, my truth, my core.

Using one of my favourite theory, Maslow Hierarchy of Needs proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A theory of human motivation” in the psychological review. It talks about human need as in a hierarchy starting with the basic needs in physiological needs then into safety before the needs of belonging/love -> self-esteem finally self-actualisation but each of these needs is also very much driven by our personality hence the level of satisfaction is not the same for everyone.

Being a dominant in “I” or some called “Yellow” basing on DiSC personality traits, embodying the principle of an extrovert, I revel in being surrounded by people, energised by their presence. However, in my 5 years tuck away in the quiet land of North Wales, I have seen to have forgotten this innate of mine, while deeply engaging within my inner self – finding my soul after the sudden loss of my son 7 years ago.

#4 Reconnecting with Self and building Connections

To live again, to reconnect with myself – the vital component is to re-emerge to the surface and swim with the other fishes. Sometimes I have to swim much further than my comfort zone, while other times, it's just close by. To live is not about surviving; it is about thriving—socially, cognitively, emotionally, and physically. Each facet plays a vital role in our lives.

If we are not physically well, we can’t be mentally well in our emotions or social, vice versa. Humans are inherently social beings; we need each other. We thrive together as a community, not as solitary individuals.

This realization propelled me to step forward and rebuild my connections in Flintshire, just on the border of Chester, England. I had to let go of the attachment to those beautiful relationships I have in Singapore and simply trust that these relationships will flow, embracing the present.

#5 Intentions for 2024

The intention for 2024 is then clear for me: to build bridges, forge meaningful relationships, foster a sense of community and stay connected to my being and letting my “Iness” shine through.

So, as I embark on the journey of 2024, my resolution is twofold. Firstly, I want to embrace the power of meaningful connections with even greater intention. It's not just about the quantity of interactions but the quality—the depth of understanding, the exchange of genuine thoughts, and the warmth that accompanies true connection.

Conclusions

A valuable lesson emerges from my reflections: Clarity of destination comes through when we fully embrace our core self and even so it still does not guarantee a linear path. There are times when stepping aside or taking a few backward steps becomes a necessary precursor to moving forward. Like building the bridges, it might mean slowing down in the process as I have stopped moving forward (or looks like I am not achieving). Yet the bridge has not only allowed me to cross over but many others behind me can do likewise.

Have you experienced this intricate relationship between progress and regression, if so, what is your insight from the reading?

If this blog resonates with you, I would like to invite to pause for a moment to reflect upon your own relationship and with others. If you would allow me to extend an invitation to you, to join my community either in newsletter or in my monthly connection circle (please indicate your intent in the form so I can keep you posted of the next circle date and time)

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Cultivating a Deeper Connection with Yourself

Tue, 12 Dec 2023 17:26:41 GMT

The relationship of your Authenticity and mindfulness

"Ever wondered about the intriguing dance between mindfulness and authenticity?

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

Authenticity is staying truth to ourselves, to our core, living in alignment with our core values, and be genuine to ourselves!

If memory didn’t fail me, I remember my first encounter with mindfulness came from a curious perspective happened about 3 decades ago. You see, I noticed that my dad has this practice – chinese called it 打坐 (da zhou), probably translated as meditation

He told me that it is very useful, a few min a day help him to have better energy level and clearer head. It even helps him to manage with less sleep. So, I thought this was amazing, hence keen to learn so asked him to teach me. And he did. Sit still and think of nothing

What!

Hold on! What does that mean?

From young, I was a restless little bugger, hyper-actives is me, constantly searching for new activity to do, I simply can’t sit still and probably loves multiple tasking too as a child.

How does one sit still? Do nothing and think nothing!

For the very first time in my life, I noticed how much thoughts I have, how busy my mind is. All of a sudden, I realised my brain was running at a hyper speed. I couldn’t stop thinking....

So the results as expected; had not been successful since to think of nothing cannot hold truth for me.

At very moment when I sat down, my mind wandered like crazy, there is just so much thoughts running wild. In fact, it is impossible not to wander, like asking me not to breathe. That’s impossible, how can anyone stop breathing so there goes my first encounter of meditation....

WHy did I share this old story? Like many, I love the idea of mediation especially with the explosive research on the goodness for us :

Strength our immunity 
Reduce our stress 
Lower cortisol 
Improve our sleep

But found it impossible to get it going, let alone to get it started.

More importantly, can practicing mindfulness be the gateway to living a more authentic life?

In today's fast-paced world, our daily lives seem to be defined by relentless hustle and bustle of activities both at work and even at home, multi-taskings is a norm practiced by most of us.

Mindfulness is the very last thing anyone would find time for and this takes me back to my journey, the journey of authenticity.

I realised as I begin to unveil authenticity; mindfulness is the key; the key to unlocking our true self; that has always lies in the gentle embrace of the present awareness.

The word “mindfulness” means to see clearly when we are to see clearly, it also means we have the ability to see who we really are, not how we should be. Mindfulness allows to see through the noises around us, the noises that crowds our thoughts.

When I go faster, when I am achieving more in, it is all in material terms, and the more I I have, the more I want wanted – for there is so much going on in this exciting world. It becomes harder to quiet down. It is like like a mouse always chasing after the cheese infront of you.

Mindfulness could also be said that it is a state or quality of being conscious or aware of something where our attention is. Some might like to say that it is a state where one calmly acknowledges and accept one own feelings, thoughts and even bodily sensations.

With mindfulness, embracing our authenticity no longer seem so impossible for authenticity is simply being true to oneself and to be true to oneself we need to be aware what is happening in us, not just what is happening outside of us.

No one can fully achieve their own authenticity without an awareness of who they are, its like going into the cloud and feel that it is the right place yet not able to fully see because the cloud has created the delusion that they are at the right place, yet they can never be sure.

My journey of authenticity is a beginning to go inward for that truth, the truth of who I am, what I am and then How I am.

Each discovery takes me a step closer to my authenticity, the core of my being, including through encounters with people I met from different walks of life.

Ultimately, it is the humility of allowing myself to be receptive and not perspective that I begin to grow curious again, to be vulnerable, to be willing and intentional to find my authenticity and use of mindfulness to stay truth to my core

It's the art of living in alignment with your core identity rather than conforming to external expectations. Authenticity is not about being perfect; it's about being real and embracing your imperfections.

When we practice Mindfulness, we begin to be present in the moment, without judgment. It involves paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and the world around you.

Let's unravel the threads that bind these two concepts and discover how cultivating mindfulness might just be the missing link to authenticity in our fast-paced, modern world."

1. Self-Awareness:

Mindfulness is the gateway to self-awareness. By observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
Authenticity starts with self-awareness. When you're mindful, you become more attuned to your true thoughts and feelings, helping you identify what matters most to you.

2. Acceptance of Imperfections:

Mindfulness teaches us to accept things as they are, including our imperfections and vulnerabilities.
Authenticity requires embracing your imperfections and being comfortable with your vulnerabilities. Mindfulness helps you build this acceptance.

3. Honoring Your Values:

Mindfulness encourages you to live in alignment with your values. When you're present in each moment, you can make choices that reflect your true beliefs.
Authenticity is about living according to your values, not someone else's. Mindfulness supports this by helping you connect with your values on a deeper level.

4. Effective Communication:

Mindfulness enhances communication skills by fostering active listening and promoting empathy.
Authenticity in relationships is built on honest and empathetic communication. Mindfulness helps you communicate more openly and genuinely.

5. Reducing Social Masking:

Many of us wear masks in social situations to fit in or please others.
Mindfulness enables you to recognize when you're wearing these masks and encourages you to remove them, allowing your authentic self to shine through.

6. Handling Stress and Pressure:

Mindfulness is a powerful stress management tool. It helps you respond to stressors calmly and thoughtfully.
Authenticity can be challenged in high-stress situations. Mindfulness equips you with the resilience and self-awareness to stay true to yourself even under pressure.

7. Embracing the Present Moment:

Mindfulness is all about embracing the present moment. When you're fully present, you're naturally more authentic because you're not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Mindfulness and authenticity are interconnected like the dance where one cannot do without the other. For the dance to be alive, the dancer has to be fully presence. Mindfulness provides the tools and mindset needed to uncover and nurture your authentic self. As you cultivate mindfulness in your life, you'll find that authenticity becomes a natural expression of who you are. It's a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-expression that leads to a more fulfilling and genuine way of living. So, take a mindful dance toward authenticity today, and let your true self shine.

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Navigating the Maze of Decision-Making

Sun, 12 Nov 2023 19:57:32 GMT

Overcoming Struggles and Finding Clarity

Do you truly know Yourself?

If so, why are there times of struggle to make that right choice in your career directions, in your relationship, etc

Decision-making is the thread that weaves through our daily existence. From the seemingly trivial choices of what to have for breakfast to the profound crossroads of career changes and personal relationships, the art of making decisions is a constant companion on our journey.

Especially in today's fast-paced world, we are inundated with an abundance of choices. This paradox of choice often leads to decision fatigue, making it difficult to settle on a single option.

Not surprisingly, many individuals, regardless of their intelligence, emotional intelligence, or seniority in corporate hierarchies, encounter moments where decision-making becomes an intricate puzzle. It's as if the map of life suddenly presents an uncharted territory, leaving us paralyzed by uncertainty and a profound fear of making the wrong choice. Procrastination becomes our unwelcome companion, and we find ourselves sitting on the fence, unable to commit to a path.

The complexity of decision-making arises from a multitude of factors, including the overwhelming abundance of choices, the fear of consequences, and the influence of personal biases. As we delve into these common hurdles that often obstruct the path to confident decision-making, take a moment to reflect on how these factors have manifested in your own life.

For me, the crux of my apprehension has often centered around the looming "what if." It's a word that carries the weight of all possible outcomes, both good and bad. I've come to realize that the key to overcoming this fear is rooted in self-knowledge. If we can unravel the depths of our own core, understanding what truly drives us, decisions cease to be shrouded in the darkness of uncertainty.

Many people find themselves grappling with the process, plagued by uncertainty and fear of making the wrong choice resulting in many called procrastination, sitting on the fence. The complexity of decision-making arises from a variety of factors, such as the abundance of options, fear of consequences, and personal biases. As we dive into these common factors of why people struggle with decision-making – have a moment to reflect how much of that speaks of yourself in your life when making decisions.

Looking back, I yearned for a guiding hand, a mentor, or a coach to help me better understand myself, to navigate those treacherous crossroads with confidence. It's in these moments that the true value of coaching becomes evident.

Now, let me share a story about one of my clients—a highly intelligent, diligent, smart, driven, and reflective young executive. At first glance, his credentials and abilities were impeccable, leading me to question whether he truly required coaching. It's a testament to the power of coaching that even the most accomplished individuals can benefit from the process.

He was on a trajectory to high-performance success within his firm, with several seasoned mentors guiding his path. Yet, he repeatedly sought my counsel on a pivotal decision—whether to leave the firm and embark on a new journey, one that promised a substantial salary increase and rapid ascent up the corporate ladder. Despite the certainties that he would get the big jump between 40%-50%, he still couldn't bring himself to make the leap.

Given his capabilities, I was genuinely surprised by his hesitation. To me, it was as though he was window-shopping for delectable cakes, tantalized by the array of choices but reluctant to take a bite.

Like so many, his fear of making a mistake, of facing the ominous "what if," held him in its grip. The consequences of an erroneous decision seemed unbearable, and so he remained immobilized.

The fear of making mistakes, the fear of facing the unknown, is one of the primary reasons people find decision-making daunting. The very thought of failure can paralyze even the most confident or intelligent individuals, preventing them from moving forward with their choices.

To counter this fear, try these few tips:

Redefine our perception of mistakes. They are not failures but opportunities for growth and learning. Recognizing that no decision is entirely risk-free can liberate us from the paralyzing grip of fear and empower us to make more confident choices.
Understand the Consequences for each of the decision made. What does that mean for you? Which one is the one you are most willing to face when things do not turn up well for you.
Draw out your Best vs Worst case scenario and identify what is the middle ground which most of us tends to miss out.

If despite the above, you still find that you are unable to make that decision, then it’s time to be super clear on your priorities and core values.

Consider what is the most important to you at this moment, not in a year, five years, or a decade from now. Our priorities in life changes according to the situation at that point of our life. When you align your choices with your immediate goals, as demonstrated by one of my clients who contemplated leaving a long-held position after 16 years. She realized that promotion was becoming increasingly elusive, but upon closer examination, it became clear that she wasn't in a position to make a move at that time. With three young children and a husband in a lower-paying job, her role as the primary breadwinner was crucial. Once this was acknowledged, we could focus on strategies to help her attain her desired promotions.

Analysis paralysis often takes hold when we become ensnared by overthinking and excessive data-gathering. We're taught that decisions must be logical and rational, and while this is true, we sometimes find ourselves drowning in data, unable to reach a conclusion. If it were solely a matter of facts and figures, decision-making would be straightforward. However, we are emotional creatures, and decisions are not solely about right and wrong. They're about what aligns with our individual core values.

To overcome this, establish a deadline for your decision-making process. Limit the time spent on research and rely on reliable sources for information. Trust your intuition and create a list of pros and cons to bring clarity to your thoughts. A good decision made in a reasonable timeframe is often superior to a perfect decision made too late.

Emotions can exert a significant influence on our choices, leading us to prioritize immediate gratification over long-term benefits. To counteract this bias, practice mindfulness and emotional awareness. When faced with a decision, take a step back and assess whether your emotions are clouding your judgment. Engage in self-reflection to discern the roots of your feelings and how they align with your values and goals.

An overreliance on external validation can hinder decision-making. Seeking constant approval may lead to choices that do not align with your true desires and values. Trust yourself and your instincts. Seek advice and opinions when necessary, but remember that you are the ultimate judge of your situation and needs. This is where working with a professional coach can be invaluable, as coaches do not provide advice but guide you to uncover your inner compass.

Last but not least, find the courage to take action. The cost of indecision can often be higher than making a mistake. Ask yourself if you want to continue sitting on the fence, endlessly contemplating what to do.

Decision-making is an intrinsic part of life, and while it may present challenges, it is a skill that can be honed. By exploring your core values, understanding your innate preferences and strengths, and viewing life through the lens of wisdom, you can navigate the maze of decision-making with confidence and clarity.

If this resonates with you, don't hesitate to reach out for a conversation or consider joining my Self-Discovery Journey Program. It's time to uncover your inner compass and embark on a path of confident decision-making.

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The Catalyst Or the Constraint

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 09:23:02 GMT

Unraveling the Forces that Propel or Hinder You

Renowned art critic Robert Hughes once said, ' The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize. '

This quote encapsulates a profound truth about human nature – “The crux that pushes you forward is also what holds you back” the constant struggle with self-doubt as a human being."

In our society, we often witness numerous individuals exuding success, intelligence, and unwavering resilience. However, beneath the surface, there lies a common thread among us all – the need for validation through achievements and successes. It often feels like an endless pursuit, regardless of results, leaving us wondering, 'Why is it never good enough?'

Are you surprised to hear that I have clients who are in senior positions saying this to me, 'The higher my credibility, the less confident I am.” Apparently, the credibility is dependent on being validated by a constant delivery of outstanding results, achieving one success after another.' In other words, the more successful one is, the steeper the slope has become.

So the question remains, 'Not good enough' for whom? Is it our own standards, societal expectations, or perhaps the influence of our parents and caretakers?

Self-doubt is a complex emotion that affects people across various demographics. It is defined as the feeling of lacking confidence in one's abilities and decisions, regardless of whether these doubts are justified. In fact, studies suggest that approximately 85% of people report struggling with self-confidence issues at some point in their lives, highlighting the widespread nature of this phenomenon.

While experiencing self-doubt is normal, the implications should not be underestimated. At its core, self-doubt can act as a motivator for personal growth and self-improvement. However, when left unchecked, excessive self-doubt can become a hindrance, impeding progress and having an adverse impact on our overall well-being. Just like constant stress can negatively affect our mental and physical health, persistent self-doubt can lead to mood disorders, anxiety, and even depression.

Imagine possessing all the abilities and knowledge, yet still feeling inadequate. Would you willingly apply for a role that you are already proficient in, without a challenge or learning opportunity? Often, the motivation to pursue new roles lies not just in monetary gain but in the opportunities for growth and development.

For many, self-doubt becomes a barrier that prevents them from articulating their potential and taking advantage of these opportunities. A professional coach in cases as such can be instrumental in building mental resilience and self-belief. This proactive approach can help individuals realize their full potential and thrive.

Understanding the Roots of Self-Doubt:

To address self-doubt effectively, we must first delve into its origins. Several factors contribute to self-doubt, and understanding these influences can help individuals navigate through it more effectively.

Past Experiences: Negative experiences or failures in the past can leave a lasting impact on an individual's self-esteem. Whether it's a project that didn't go as planned or a personal setback, such events can plant seeds of doubt in our minds.
Comparison to Others: Constantly comparing ourselves to others and feeling inadequate in comparison can be a significant source of self-doubt. In today's hyper-connected world, social media can exacerbate this problem, as we often measure our worth against carefully curated online personas.
Fear of Failure: The fear of not meeting expectations or making mistakes can create a lack of confidence in one's abilities. As a result, individuals may hesitate to take risks or explore new opportunities.
Perfectionism: Setting unrealistic standards and constantly striving for perfection can lead to a fear of not being "good enough." Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword, pushing us to excel but also making us overly critical of ourselves.
Lack of Support: A lack of supportive relationships or encouragement can contribute to self-doubt. When we don't feel validated or acknowledged, it can be challenging to trust our own abilities.
Social and Cultural Factors: Societal expectations, gender norms, and cultural influences can play a role in shaping individuals' perceptions of themselves and their capabilities. These external pressures can contribute to self-doubt by making us question our worthiness.

Knowing the source of your self-doubt is useful no doubt but developing strategies to overcome is probably as critical is not more.

Cultivating Mental Resilience through Self-Compassion:

One powerful tool for combating self-doubt is self-compassion. Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and non-judgment when we face challenges or make mistakes. Do not underestimate the power of self-compassion because when we are fully able to exercise this powerful tool, we cope with nearly all situations and helping to strengthen our mental muscles, and capacity for resiliency

Embracing Past Achievements:

To build confidence and counter self-doubt, take time to reflect on past achievements and successes. Acknowledging your accomplishments, both big and small, reinforces your capabilities and reminds you of your strengths during times of uncertainty.

Shifting the Focus from Comparison to Self-Growth:

Comparing ourselves to others can be a never-ending and disheartening cycle. Instead, focus on personal growth and progress. Set realistic goals for yourself and work towards them step by step. Recognize that everyone's journey is unique, and progress is a personal endeavor.

Building a Supportive Network:

Surrounding yourself with supportive people can be a powerful antidote to self-doubt. Seek out friends, mentors, or colleagues who uplift and encourage you. A strong support system can provide invaluable feedback, bolster your confidence, and remind you of your worth.

Managing Your Inner Critics:

Internalize the awareness that you are your biggest inner critic. Challenge negative self-talk and reframe it into more positive and constructive statements. For instance, replace "I can't do this; I always mess up" with "I may face challenges, but I've overcome obstacles before, and I can do it again."

Seeking Professional Help:

If self-doubt persists and significantly impacts your daily life, seeking professional help such as therapist or counselor may be beneficial. They can help you identify underlying issues and provide strategies for building self-confidence and resilience.

Journaling and Positive Affirmations:

Journaling can be a therapeutic practice for exploring your thoughts and feelings related to self-doubt. Writing down your achievements, aspirations, and affirmations can reinforce positive self-beliefs and create a more empowering self-narrative.

Self-doubt is a natural part of the human experience, it’s an instinctive protective mechanism to keep us safe. But this self-doubt doesn't have to be a constant barrier to progress. Understanding the root causes of self-doubt and adopting practices like self-compassion, reflecting on past achievements, and building a supportive network can help you to navigate through self-doubt and embrace your true potential.

Overcoming self-doubt is a journey, and developing these habits can lead to profound positive changes in your life. Don't hesitate to seek support or guidance, as taking action is a sign of strength and a commitment to personal growth. Embrace the process, and you'll find yourself stepping into a more confident and fulfilling life.

As the saying goes

“Never let fear hold you captive.
Never let self-doubt hold you captive.
Never let frustration hold you captive.”
― Roy T. Bennett,  The Light in the Heart

Are you ready to embrace that fear in your life and step into your full power, your authenticity and living your Full self. Then reach out for a chat.

Giving the Authentic Feedback

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Tue, 12 Sep 2023 16:11:28 GMT

Be in your Truth

Feedback; by definition is simply helpful information or criticism that is given to someone to say what can be done to improve their performance.

In other words, feedback is meant to serve, to help one to improve one’s performance so what is the challenges!

You see most of us related to feedback in a negative way, meaning feedback implies the other person is going to tell me that I did something wrong, something bad!

And most of us do not like to be told that we are wrong, we are no good. Research has found that the same areas in the brain that processes physical pain, get triggered by rejection, negative information. We are hurt when we received criticism, and the impact is much greater than giving praise. Also, traditionally during appraisal, performance review, our bosses tend to tell what we did right, but they continue to tell what we did bad. Our brain then only remembers all the criticism, removing the praise the moment we hear the word “BUT”

As a manager, leader, a good boss, our job is not just to deliver good feedback or bad feedback, it’s about the overall feedback and that means everything to help the person to know their strength and weakness (blind spots) so that they improve and perform better in the future.

Knowing people are affected by negative information, how can we present the information to them so that they can better receive it and make an improvement.

This phrase came to mind – “authentic feedback”,

For authenticity simply means you're true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you're under to act otherwise.

You are genuine, honest, and unbiased in your feedback. It represents feedback that is not sugar-coated or diluted but instead offers a true reflection of one's thoughts, observations, and experiences.

Question is how?

This scenario (which is an actual case) where one of my clients told me that one of her staff has been getting lots of complaints from customers that she has been rude and upon checking into the voice recording - she felt that it was really bad. But she was also concerned that the person would not take to her feedback lightly as this subordinate has the tendency to take everything very personally. Then she realised that she has never build a rapport with this person as she (my client) is quite an introvert, so she does not like to make contacts unless it is necessary. Upon realising the importance of building rapport/building before just issuing out feedback will help the other person to be more receptive to taking criticism of their work.

Sadly, this client of mine instead of building up the relationship with her subordinate as discussed in our coaching session. She decided there is no time for relationship building as the matter cannot be delayed and need to be addressed immediately so she just give it to her staff – yes tell it to her face, what she did wrong!

I don’t think I need to spell out what had happened after that as we probably would have guessed the reactions as this subordinate was in shock, denial.....

In a 2nd scenario,

This is my very personal encounter during a facilitation training course. I was so hurt by the feedback that I could not function properly for weeks, and have to spend quite substantial time to recuperate, to understand what went wrong especially this is a unique course which also teaches an unjudgmental feedback.

So what’s went wrong?

First, I was tasked to do a facilitation which I agreed but I didn’t realise I would be assessed. Next, one of the assessors who issued the damaging remarks was someone whom I am familiar with because I have worked with her for quite a while – I guessed she probably presumed it is ok to be blunt and tell it off to my face despite the very positive feedbacks from all the other participants. Having feedback from both assessors (one was telling me how shit I was, the other expressed how she felt with my facilitation) .

I realised telling the truth is important but there is a better way to communicate negative feedback, rather just telling the person that this is absolutely wrong, it is out of sync. You should not do this... etc etc.

Being on the receiver – I cannot deny my system went straight into shock especially after all the positive feedbacks from the participants how they like my introduction in explaining what is it about....

You get the picture!

There are ways to do negative feedback without causing so much stress, anxiety on the receiver end.

As a human being with an intelligence brain where we all are, I learnt even if we are trained to be non-judgemental, it is impossible not to. As clearly illustrated in the 2nd scenario where the both assessors are specialists

So how?

From the above scenarios, what have you noticed?

Rapport is definitely missing from the 1st scenario. In other words, the receiver is likely to feel more defensive.
Asking Permission, not assuming the person wants it (like my case). I find that it has been very useful when the other assessor asked me “ how would you like me to provide the feedback”, give the person a voice not you dictating regardless of the circumstance!
Yes state the observed but avoid being judgemental eg “You were rude to the clients, and they have filed complaints against you”. This is not helpful because it sounded accusing, and the other person is likely to be defensive as the brain is activated of the pains mentioned earlier. What about “how would you feel if I yelled at you – demonstrate it using role play “ so that they can see/feel/hear what’s like on the receiving end.
Explain the impact: when someone raised their voice at you, how would you feel. Point out the direct impact that resulted from this behavior, and again be as specific as possible. Saying, “When you called the meeting to an end without leaving time for discussion, it made me feel like you did not value the team’s input” or “I noticed that the clients were upset” is much more effective than “When you don’t leave time for a discussion, you look like  a control freak .” Statements like “it made me feel” and “I noticed that” are more difficult to argue with, and using those phrases
Pause and Allow them to have a voice, to process what you just said, to tell you what is going on rather than it’s all about you telling what you think like an adult reprimanding a child
Ask them what would they like to do in the future upon reflecting on what had happened

If you manage to try out this 6 steps. I would love to hear from you, what’s that experience like for you as a boss, as a feedback giver.

Of course, when on the receiving end of the feedback. Have a thought of the following

Stay objective as much as possible ie do not take it personally
Learnt to have your own voice, to speak up for yourself and not let anyone tell you otherwise (do not be a victim)
Last, what can I get out of this feedback (learning/ open mindset)

Each of these tips has a big story in itself and if you like to explore further, drop me a message

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Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Sat, 12 Aug 2023 14:36:20 GMT

What does Self Awareness do for you, as a Leader?

Mirror, mirror on the Wall...

Who is the best leader of all..

In the timeless tale of Snow White, the evil stepmother possessed a magic mirror that revealed nothing but the truth in response to her questions.

Surprisingly, this mirror holds a profound lesson for us in leadership and self-awareness. It serves as a powerful tool, not merely for presenting factual information (which we can easily Google nowadays) but for reflecting the truth within ourselves—a truth shaped by our culture, values, and beliefs, making it difficult to reach a consensus on what defines the best leader.

However, each one of us possesses our own "magic mirror," an internal source of self-awareness. The question is, are we willing to look into it, ask the right questions, and truly listen to the answers?

Research shows that self-aware leaders are perceived as more authentic and possess higher levels of integrity. These qualities foster greater engagement, cohesiveness and stronger relationships among team members, ultimately leading to improve productivity.

Furthermore, self-awareness offers a multitude of benefits to leaders, including:

Better Understanding of Professional vs. Personal Self: Self-aware leaders can differentiate between their professional roles and personal identities, maintaining a healthy balance between the two.
Developing Your Brand: Understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and values helps you define your authentic leadership brand, leading to more effective leadership.
Enhancing Executive Presence: Self-awareness allows you to align your behavior, communication style, and emotional responses with your leadership goals, enhancing your executive presence.
Boosting Confidence and Influence: When you know yourself deeply, you become more confident in your decision-making and communication, gaining the trust and influence of others.

1. Improved Decision-Making: Self-aware leaders possess a deep understanding of their values, strengths, weaknesses, and biases. This awareness enables them to make more informed and rational decisions. By recognizing their own limitations, they are open to seeking advice, considering diverse perspectives, and making well-balanced choices. Such leaders avoid impulsive or ego-driven decisions that may negatively impact their teams or organizations.

Illustration: Imagine a leader who is self-aware and knows they have a tendency to rush into decisions. Instead of hastily implementing a new strategy, they take a step back, seek feedback from their team, and carefully assess potential outcomes. This approach results in a more thoughtful and effective decision that gains the support and commitment of their team.

2. Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution: Self-aware leaders understand their communication style, emotional triggers, and how they are perceived by others. This knowledge enables them to communicate with clarity, empathy, and active listening. They are conscious of their emotional responses during conflicts and can regulate their reactions, fostering a positive and collaborative work environment.

Illustration: A self-aware leader recognizes that they tend to become defensive during conflicts. To address this, they work on their emotional intelligence, actively listen to others' concerns, and respond calmly and constructively. As a result, conflicts are resolved more amicably, and team morale remains intact.

3. Authentic Leadership: Leaders who are self-aware are comfortable with their true selves and embrace authenticity. They don't feel the need to put on a facade or pretend to be someone they are not. This authenticity builds trust and credibility among team members, as they know their leader is genuine and transparent.

Illustration: An authentic leader openly acknowledges their mistakes and shares their learning experiences with the team. This vulnerability not only strengthens their relationships with team members but also encourages a culture of continuous improvement and openness.

4. Effective Team Management: Self-aware leaders understand their leadership style and its impact on team dynamics. They tailor their management approach to individual team members, recognizing that each person has unique strengths and motivators. This personalized approach enhances team morale, productivity, and engagement.

Illustration: A self-aware leader recognizes that some team members thrive under autonomy, while others require more guidance and support. They adapt their management style accordingly, empowering autonomous team members and providing necessary guidance to those who need it.

5. Enhanced Emotional Intelligence: Self-awareness is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, which is vital for effective leadership. Leaders with high emotional intelligence can empathize with others, regulate their emotions, and maintain composure in challenging situations. This skill set fosters a positive and supportive work environment.

Illustration: An emotionally intelligent leader notices when their team members are feeling overwhelmed or stressed. Instead of adding more pressure, they offer support, adjust workloads, or provide resources to alleviate the stress, creating a culture of care and empathy.

In other words, self-awareness can be defined as the ability to focus on oneself and objectively evaluate actions, thoughts, and emotions, aligning them with internal standards and understanding how others perceive us. It's a skill that allows individuals to interpret their actions, feelings, and thoughts in an unbiased manner.

In conclusion, self-awareness is not just a desirable trait; it is a critical component of effective leadership. The benefits of self-awareness, such as improved decision-making, effective communication, authentic leadership, effective team management, and enhanced emotional intelligence, contribute to a leader's ability to inspire, influence, and guide their team to success.

Thus, embracing self-awareness is not only an investment in personal growth but also a key factor in driving organizational success and fostering a positive work culture. By continually cultivating self-awareness, leaders can lead with integrity, empathy, and authenticity, creating an environment where teams thrive and individuals reach their full potential.

Some tools and techniques you can use to enhance self-awareness:

Psychometrics assessments like strength, personality traits are especially useful to gain new perspective, a language to help you to understand some of your thought patterns, behaviours and communication preferences styles. Do note any assessments tool you chose should be followed by a conversation with a qualified coach to get a qualitative understanding.
360 Feedback : to cover your blind spots. Feedback is most valuable when it leads to important, actionable insights into your behavior, personality quirks, biases, strengths, and weaknesses. Sometimes, reflection on your own emotional reactions to people and situations provides an opportunity to grow in self-awareness.
Self Reflection / Introspection : a process of observing your own mental and emotional processes using journalising, questions, meditation and mindfulness practices etc

Four Fundamental Questions to Begin Your Self-Awareness Journey:

Question #1: What don’t I know about the things I don’t know?

Recognize that nobody knows everything. Embrace humility and acknowledge what you don't know because it’s ok not to be a superbeing. Effective leaders tap into the collective knowledge of their team, leveraging their strengths to make informed decisions and lead their organizations. Great leaders recognise the skills, the unique strength of the team, and it is never about doing it all.

Humility is what makes you grow, the moment we think we know all or we know better that is when we stop learning, stop growing. A leader never stops developing his/her abilities and it is always evolving.

Question #2: How much honest, unfiltered feedback do I really get?

Just like the mirror, are you willing to hear the truth? Assess the feedback you receive, and consider whether your organization fosters a culture where feedback is encouraged and seen as a tool for improvement.

Question #3: How much empathetic listening do I practice on a regular basis?

As leaders, we take command, often focus on formulating answers rather than actively listening to others. True leaders listen more than talk. It is through listening, one gets to understand where their team members are at; the challenges, issues they faced. Tailoring your leadership approach to individual team members fosters a more inclusive and supportive environment.

Listening is a skill, is an art that takes time and intention to do well. When we are able to truly listen, people will know and they will be more willing to open up and be heard.

Question #4: What is my level of willingness to change?

Despite your past successes, how open are you to the possibility that “what got you here won’t get you there”, a famous quote by Marshall Goldsmith.

Business environments evolve, and even the most successful leaders must adapt to changing circumstances. Embracing a willingness to change and continually evolve your leadership approach ensures long-term success.

Being a coach has allowed me to see many leaders' capacity to lead is a direct relation to their willingness to change, adapt, and incorporate new strategies. Leaders with a high degree of willingness

have a learning mindset,
a thirst for trying out new solutions, and
a desire to refine their leadership competency.

They commit to a discipline of leadership practice.

Do these traits describe you?

Developing self-awareness may initially feel awkward and uncomfortable. However, embracing a willingness to change will preserve and maintain your optimism as you grow. Self-awareness is not a fixed trait but rather a skill that can be cultivated intentionally. Begin the journey by asking yourself these fundamental questions, and remember that the essence lies in attuning to what arises within you.

By nurturing self-awareness, you can elevate your leadership and lead your organization forward with greater insight and effectiveness. Like the magic mirror, your journey of self-awareness will reveal the true essence of the best leader within you.

Are you ready to begin this journey of yours?

Ultimate Goal

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Sat, 08 Jul 2023 20:16:12 GMT

The Pursuit of Happiness

Do you know what you are actually pursuing in your life?

All of us is pursing something, from birth, whether it is about physical materials, status, or feeling of happiness, satisfaction, gratifying ..

A baby seeks to be fed, clean, to be played with...

A child seeks fun, food satisfaction and parents' approval...

What about an adult? A young adult vs someone who passes midlife? Any difference?

We are always pursuing but do you know why you purse what you pursue

And why many called it midlife crisis when most around 40s (some could be earlier or later) started asking questions about life or made a drastic change in what they have been previously relentlessly pursuing.

Is there such a thing as ultimate goal in life?

Is your life goal different from your career goal?

A recent conversation with a client told me she realised she has no clear goals in life (upon doing her strength profile), she wonder is it ok because she only wants to learn, wants to be able to create an impact on others.

SO what actually is a goal? Is it really important to have a goal in life or in one’s career?

Goal simply said is just the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. In other words, all of us kind of have a goal only how clear we are on it like the popular terms “SMART” goal ie Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound so we know clearly when we achieved it because there is a measurement with time and criteria.

You see, whatever goals we seek like this case of my client always comes from the inner desires of one’s unfulfilled needs and core/acquired values.

Values is the compass that drives all motivations in life, whether you are aware or not. It is simply who you are, your unique definition of how to be that autonomous, competent nd moral member of society.

What about needs?

Needs are what we can’t do without

Wants are what we can survive without it but might mean we might not be too happy about not having it.

How many of us know what we want vs what we need and if known, how clear are we on it?

Maslow Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory of motivation which states that five categories of human needs dictate an individual's behavior. Those needs are physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs.

This is a pretty old theory as I first came across it like 35years ago during my studies. After so many years, I found that it still made a lot sense.

Maslow's theory presents his hierarchy of needs in a pyramid shape, with basic needs at the bottom of the pyramid and more high-level, intangible needs at the top. A person can only move on to addressing the higher-level needs when their basic needs are adequately fulfilled. 

1.  Physiological needs : The first of the id-driven lower needs on Maslow's hierarchy are physiological needs. These most basic human survival needs include food and water, sufficient rest, clothing and shelter, overall health, and reproduction. Maslow states that these basic physiological needs must be addressed before humans move on to the next level of fulfilment. 

2.   Safety needs : Next among the lower-level needs is safety. Safety needs include protection from violence and theft, emotional stability and well-being, health security, and financial security. 

3.  Love and belonging needs : The social needs on the third level of Maslow’s hierarchy relate to human interaction and are the last of the so-called lower needs. Among these needs are friendships and family bonds—both with biological family (parents, siblings, children) and chosen family (spouses and partners). Physical and emotional intimacy ranging from sexual relationships to intimate emotional bonds are important to achieving a feeling of elevated kinship. Additionally, membership in social groups contributes to meeting this need, from belonging to a team of co-workers to forging an identity in a union, club, or group of hobbyists. 

4.  Esteem needs: The higher needs, beginning with esteem, are ego-driven needs. The primary elements of esteem are self-respect (the belief that you are valuable and deserving of dignity) and self-esteem (confidence in your potential for personal growth and accomplishments). Maslow specifically notes that self-esteem can be broken into two types: esteem which is based on respect and acknowledgment from others, and esteem which is based on your own self-assessment. Self-confidence and independence stem from this latter type of self-esteem. 

5.  Self-actualization needs : Self-actualization describes the fulfilment of your full potential as a person. Sometimes called self-fulfilment needs, self-actualization needs occupy the highest spot-on Maslow's pyramid. Self-actualization needs include education, skill development—the refining of talents in areas such as music, athletics, design, cooking, and gardening—caring for others, and broader goals like learning a new language, traveling to new places, and winning awards.

Maslow referred to self-actualization as a “growth need,” and he separated it from the lower four levels on his hierarchy, which he called “deficiency needs.” According to his theory, if you fail to meet your deficiency needs, you’ll experience harmful or unpleasant results. Conditions ranging from illness and starvation up through loneliness and self-doubt are the byproducts of unmet deficiency needs. By contrast, self-actualization needs can make you happier, but you are not harmed when these needs go unfulfilled. Thus, self-actualization needs only become a priority when the other four foundational needs are met.

Do you know where you are today on this Pyramid?

But before you answer, think about what your definition of fulfilment in each level is, example the psychological needs – at what level of that can it then be considered fulfilled, when you have Porche, house worth millions, afford luxury or it is more about the basic.

You see, all of us are unique, my level of fulfilment or satisfaction at each level is different, although we might all have those 5 levels of hierarchy of needs, how much one needs to be satisfied and move on can be quite a debate.

Also, it is said without human connections – a baby will literally die away if only given the psychological needs without the love.

For many, me included; still have very strong “deficiency needs” ie my psychological needs although I might not starve or under war conditions, there is an intrinsic need - it is a question of how much and that is the difference among each one of us. How many friends I need, how much money/wealth I need etc before I can pursue this deep fulfilment, satisfaction of my life.

What I am trying to say here is although the pyramid is useful, the level of satisfaction varied especially with our modern days living. Ultimately it comes back to you what you seek in life – basic needs, materials wants or your personal growth ie self-actualisation, your happiness.

We might not die immediately without growth, but we do decay unconsciously, unknowingly if we are not happy, if we live without a purpose/meaning in life...

We humans are known as meaning-making machines, the fact remains that Human beings are remarkably complex, possessing the incredible ability to find meaning in everything around us. This unique trait has earned us the title of 'meaning-making machines.'"

The journey of self-discovery is a fascinating process of exploring and understanding ourselves as we navigate through life. It's not a destination but an ongoing adventure, triggered by major life events, losses, or simply a desire to delve deeper into who we truly are.

Are you living for survival, for that material wealth and luxuries? Or there is more to that materials processions?

What are you seeking in your ultimate goal in life?

If this blog speaks to you, let’s chat

p.s. All choices lie within you, to live in scarify or to live in abundance

Authentic Influence

Wed, 14 Jun 2023 21:24:18 GMT

What's the secret to your success?

What comes to mind when you hear this word influence. As an executive, leadership coach, I have to admit the word influence is often heard from the mouth of my clients, across multiple scenarios.

Be it simply to inspire, motivate the team for better cohesiveness leading to better performance, to gain better inter departmental/team relationship, agreement among peers, and so on

“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority. “ Ken Blanchard

Agree?

The old traditional style of leading by authority, by telling, by dictating is no longer of fashion, or rather we have learnt from experience, from research, that people perform better not by being told rather by being given the authority, given the autonomy, given the trust, given the ownership.

When we lead, it is never about us, but about the growth and development of the others because people resist change that is put on them not when it is done with them. We know there is a difference!

So, what is influence and why authentic influence

Influence refers to the power or capacity to have an effect on the thoughts, actions, and behaviors of others. It is the ability to shape opinions, guide decisions, and inspire change.

Influence can manifest in various forms. It can come from individuals who possess knowledge, expertise, or authority in a particular field. They may have a strong presence, charisma, or persuasive communication skills that captivate and inspire others. Additionally, influence can arise from the trust and respect that someone has earned through their actions, integrity, and consistency.

In other words, Influence is the ability of an individual to transform and shape the opinions of others. Influencing at the workplace, then, is a process of transforming the behaviors of employees. For example, a team leader can influence subordinates through his communication, policies and actions.

People with influence at work tend to be more trusted and recognized. And often, influential people are also more effective leaders. Although, you don't have to be in a leadership position to build influence among your peers and superiors. For the ability to influence is not just the keys skill of leaders but any one of us who wants to build a better relationship, increase in productive and performance.

Like a half glass of water, whether you see it as half empty or half full depends on your perspective. Likewise, influence can be positive or negative.

Positive influence entails using one's power to create a beneficial impact on others. It involves leading by example, uplifting and empowering others, and promoting values that encourage growth, well-being, and positive change. A positive influencer inspires and motivates others to strive for their best, fostering an environment of collaboration, innovation, and personal development

However, influence can also have negative connotations. Negative influence involves manipulating or coercing others for personal gain or leading them astray from their own values and best interests. It can undermine trust, create divisions, and hinder progress.

In truth, influence is a powerful tool that can shape individuals, communities, and societies. It can be used for positive or negative purposes, depending on the intentions and actions of those wielding it. The impact of influence is far-reaching, and it is essential to be mindful of its potential and use it responsibly to create a better world.

Hence Authentic influence goes beyond the superficial charm or manipulation tactics but stems from a place of integrity, honesty, and sincerity. It involves leading by example and inspiring others through one's own actions, values, and genuine passion. Just imagine, seeing a person who is full of zealousness and passions in dancing or someone who believes strongly in the project they do, how will that make you feel about the dancing or about that project that they are doing.

Yes, curiosity, inspiration to follow, to find out more and very likely the trust in the person or the work they are doing because they have shown through their actions.

In other words, authentic influence embodies the power to make a genuine and positive impact on others.

It requires individuals to be in alignment with their true selves, embracing their unique qualities and perspectives. By staying true to themselves, they can then authentically connect with others, fostering trust, respect, and genuine connections.

With that, authentic influence encourages individuals to listen actively and empathetically to others. It involves recognizing and valuing diverse perspectives, allowing space for collaboration and growth. Influence is never about what I want from you rather is about what I understand through active listening what you want and then communicate that in a way that you are able to accept.

In other words, Authentic influencers understand the importance of building meaningful relationships and uplifting others, rather than solely focusing on their own agenda or personal gain.

Ultimately, authentic influence is about making a positive difference in the lives of others by being true to oneself and inspiring others through genuine connections, actions, and values. It is a powerful force that has the potential to transform individuals, organizations, and communities for the better.

What is your intention of your influence and are you influencing by your words or by your acts & values?

If I may add one more, have you notice how well you have listened?

Authentic Selling

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Fri, 12 May 2023 13:01:18 GMT

When you are just being You!

Do you sell?

No No No. I should ask do you have a personal brand.

If I would say we all have, whether we are aware of it. What would you say to that?

What has selling got to do with your personal brand?

For a very long time, I have thought selling is for those people who has a physical product or services where others could buy from them.

But I could not be more wrong – selling is a lot more than that.

Let’s first take a look at a successful salesperson vs lousy salesperson. What comes to mind.

Yes, the attitude, the personality, the charisma – the ability to persuade...probably including the ability to articulate well how good or useful the product or services is which resonates with the buyer.

The salesperson is likely to be actively listening to the customer's needs and concerns, asking questions, and providing information about their product or service in a way that is clear, honest, and transparent.

In the picture, the salesperson's body language and facial expressions would convey a sense of honesty and sincerity. They would be focused on the customer, with a genuine desire to understand their needs and provide helpful solutions. The customer, in turn, would be engaged in the conversation, expressing interest and asking questions.

The overall tone of the picture would be warm and friendly, emphasizing the idea that authentic selling is about building relationships and establishing trust.

This is what we call successful, not an one-off transaction but a continuous relationship with the customers.

On the other hand, the lousy salesperson is like a person who doesn’t listen, and cares about himself/herself that goes on and on how good his/her product is, not caring about whether the customers need or want.

In other words, we are actually buying the relationship more than the product.

When putting this into the context of a corporate world.

What is the product here?

Its You!

You are the BRAND,

You are the Product!

How well you sell depends very much on how good you are at articulating or promoting the product or brand, ie YOU, not just how good the actual product is.

You see, in my own earlier career journey, I find I struggled in articulating my achievements, so much so I was told earlier on in my career, I need to improve on my “communication” ability in order to be considered for promotion.

In other words, a good product needs more than just being good. It needs you to sell it!

Since selling is so important to our career, why do so many of us struggle with it, not wanting put effort into it or even avoid it.

This incident comes into my mind when I am writing this....

“Not too long ago, an acquaintance reached out to me, commenting about my FB posts when I was in Singapore

She then asked me whether I can help her with a survey that only takes 10mins so I said yes, and asked her send it over so I could do it.

But she replied me saying it is done verbally and it is only 6 questions.

My antenna immediately went up because of previous bad experiences with her, where she would first ask about you then talk about herself - how well she is doing in her business, how happy she is.., how grateful she has found this business where it brought her so much money, and more importantly how you can join her and how much it will benefit you. blah blah blah”

You get the picture!

Is this selling?

Is this the kind of selling where we are all put off? Despite attempts to tell her gently, nicely that I am not interested, it is not for me. She will persist to tell how good the products are, with research, etc

It is like “Wait for a moment, are you listening?”

What is your experience with selling? Anyone comes to mind?

You see,

Our brain associated selling with persistent unscrupulous people who only want us to buy the products/services from them. We seem to forget that selling itself is not good or bad, it is only how you sell, ie the person.

What if I tell you that there is a better way to sell and I call it the “authentic selling” as one of my coaching client who is an account manager in her firm said to me, her clients are just like her friends and she genuinely cares about their well-being, not how much she can sell to them.

If your good friend knows that you have a need for something and recommend a product to you, will you believe it, will you buy?

The answer is a very likely YES, for one we need/want the product, two someone we trust is sharing that information with us.

Likewise, when we are promoting ourselves – the product, we need to be mindful, are we simply pushing ourselves at others who do not want to “buy” or we are simply letting them know the availability of the product so that they can be made the right decision on what to buy because we are not in the position to decide unless we know what we are buying ie the characteristics of the product.

What is your purpose or objectives of self-promotion? Other than the obvious need for promotion, job title, bigger pay.

Yes recognition, many of us seek to be recognized, to be seen

The human need for recognition or validation is rooted in our psychological makeup and social nature as human beings. Being recognized, appreciated, or acknowledged by others for our efforts, accomplishments, or qualities provides us with a sense of worth, esteem, and belonging.

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, recognition and esteem are fundamental human needs that are crucial to our psychological well-being and self-actualization. In other words, once our basic physiological and safety needs are met, we seek recognition and appreciation from others to fulfil our higher-level needs for self-esteem, confidence, and respect.

Moreover, social comparison theory suggests that we tend to evaluate ourselves and our abilities in relation to others around us. Therefore, when we receive recognition or praise from others, it can help us feel validated and affirmed in our abilities, which in turn boosts our self-confidence and motivation.

Additionally, the desire for recognition can also stem from our innate desire to connect and belong with others. Being recognized by others can help us feel a sense of connection and belonging, as it signifies that we are seen and accepted by others within our social group or community.

Now, knowing the root of why each one of us seeks recognition.

How ready are you to give recognition to your friends especially your subordinates.

Simultaneously, to help the others to recognise our ability, contribution, we need to show up and show up authentically otherwise the recognition will be nothing but false.

In the same way, The art of selling is not about you or your product but what the other person needs or wants and how you can in your best way to provide it hence when we step forth to “sell” authentically, we are also offering our full true self in a genuine way.

In my next blog, we will dive deeper into the concept of influence, how can we influence authentically

A letter from my Dream

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 13:16:55 GMT

My Authenticity

Dedicated to my son, Nathaniel

“Someday, I’ll no longer ache. The day when space no longer separates us, and our worlds will collide, and love will have to find the Final say. The day that you’ll be back in my arms, no more sorrow, and no more pain. The first day of forever. On that day, all the years of pain, all of the compartmentalisation, all the excuses, aall the cover ups when the tears won’t stop flowing, all the days of barely being able to move under the weight of a shattered heart… All of those days will vanish. They’ll fade away. Grief and pain will be no more when I can see your face search for mine. “ Lexi Behrndt

Have you ever felt sometimes life is not real as if we are still in the dream, it’s a bittersweet dream. You want to wake up (knowing it’s a dream) yet it is so difficult or maybe I don’t want to woke up from the dream.

Am I writing to you from this dream or am I writing to you when awoke.

Sometimes, I am not even sure which is which or whether I choose not to know.

Sometimes I wonder, what if I do know that I will lose my child at some point in the near future. Wil I still live the way I had; worry, always worry about the future; how he will fit int the society when he is different, how am I going to provide for them (will I have enough), how about me (my own desires, my ambitious as a person).

Does knowing it in advance, makes it easy?

And I finally come to a realisation.

No is the answer.

Regardless of how we lose our child (loved ones), the fact remained we lost them. Yes, there is probably the difference of initial shock, maybe a shorter period of denial, but like most parents - guilt is immense and inevitable, have I done what I should or could done or not done.

There will never be an answer.

1. We can’t turn back the clock;

2. We are here now;

3. It is the NOW that is most important

Have you ever experience that someone is so much part of you yet so far away from you.

I have never felt life can be so uncertain, so short until it happened to me! Until my son was literally taken away from me without notice, a day like any other day where I send him off in the morning, where I go to work, where I am simply too busy in work to pick up personal calls....

It’s a feeling that I don’t even know is there a word for it.

I don’t know what’s like to know that one day your child will leave but I do know what it is like when that eventually happened

I don’t know whether it is more painful to know or more painful not to know. All these years, I thought if only I knew he would be gone at 16 ½, I would have been different – I would not let him suffered, I would live my life differently.

Over the past 6 years, I learnt it is not what is in the past but what is now? I can’t undo the past but I can make the future happen if I do something now

And That’s what everyone call PRESENCE!

Too many, including myself live in regrets of what if I, why didn’t I. The reality is neither of these help unless it propels you forward.

In Positive Intelligence (PQ), there is this teaching called the SAGE Perspective that teaches in every situation, it can be turned into a gift and opportunity, it is only whether that sage ability in us is able to see beyond that difficult situation at that point of time. For example, when we see the problem we faced as weight in the gym against which our muscles grow, or without this bad thing happened, you wouldn’t be where you are now.

Many things in life is not that straight forward like my case, there is no way I would trade for my son’s life. The truth is what happen had happened and the bad things had taught me beyond words can describe.

For many people, it takes a catastrophic event to wake one up from whatever they are doing because we live in a default / autopilot mode, or our comfort zone. It is too scary to step out and pursue what we felt right in us but not in accordance to what the society / the world said. For we are brought up with micro environment defined by close family and friends, generation values of school, media, etc and acquired values made up of our culture as well as national values (based on extensive research why we are what we are : rhetoric-reality gap and the expectation-reality gap).

Through his death, I learnt over the years to embrace ME, I learnt that it is not a destination, it is a journey. And we are all on this journey, our own individual, authentic journey

My authenticity;

I realised that I would probably never pick up the courage to pursue the ME if not for my son sudden departure in life. It is extremely painful to acknowledge even at this point. Not everyone needs to be so dramatic like me. On the other hand, I seen many searching for their authenticity, their core values- as Winnicott said the True self (also known as real self, authentic self, original self and vulnerable self) gives us a sense of spontaneous authentic experience and a feeling of being alive, having a real self.  The false self, by contrast, Winnicott saw as a defensive façade, [1]  which in extreme cases could leave its holders lacking spontaneity and feeling dead and empty, behind a mere appearance of being real. [1]

Yes, he taught to value the presence, because it’s only the Presence I can make a Difference, not worry about the future, regret the past or even re-live my past (through a learnt behaviour – falling into a default, autopilot mode).

I want to live courageously

I want to live with a difference

And it is only done

if I am authentic (through self awareness + courage),

if I am aligned to my core (through knowing what are my core vs acquired values),

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." John W. Gardner

The more we procrastinate,

The more perfection we want

The more we live in fear, worries and not make that first step

We can draw, and allow ourselves to make the mistakes yet filled the page and not live in regrets at the end of our life OR

We can choose not to draw, a standstill yet the drawing continues on its own for the planet does not stop spinning and the end results is there ...

Be Presence

Choose your Life!

Align to your Core Values

Live Your life purposefully!

And I awoke from my dream...

14th April 2023

Dare to communicate authenticity

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 13:54:38 GMT

Authentic Communication

Humans are social beings and if there’s one thing universal about us, it is the fact that we interact daily with the people around us, face to face, virtually or even through writing (text, emailing etc) or using some other form of medium like television or even crying (babies). There is a saying that there is no way, we don’t communicate, in fact we communicate all the time even in silence!

For it is communication that enables us to experience our lives and share our experiences with others. 

Communication is not little things in life, it’s life itself.  

And this interaction takes place for multiple reasons. We usually communicate with the people around us to share our thoughts, emotions, ideas, feelings, needs and many things along these lines. 

Virginia Satir, psychotherapist who was well recognised for her work especially in family therapy work. She commented that how a person manages his/her survival, is through developing of intimacy and how he/she makes sense of the world,  all these are largely dependent on his/her communication ability. 

If you allow me to say this, a successful marriage is built upon the foundation of good communication between the husband and wife. When there is breakdown in communication, we know what happened to the marriage.

So what is communication

Communication is widely known as the process of sending and receiving information through verbal and/or non-verbal means.

Simple?

Too often we think that if we are not talking, we are not communicating, and that is the furthest from the truth.  Whether we are verbally saying something out loud, or not we are communicating, and it is our non-verbal signals and cues that reflect what we think or feel.  Your posture, gestures, facial expressions, dressing, use of time, use of a cellular phone, even the car you drive are part of that communication.

Have you heard of The 7-38-55 Rule 

indicates that only 7% of all communication is done through verbal communication, the words we speak, whereas the nonverbal component of our daily communication, such as the tonality of our voice, make up 38% and 55% from the speaker's body language and facial expressions. (for more information, please refer to my workshop on communications. https://www.bl.uk/people/albert-mehrabian

Have a think about your communication with friends, family, colleagues -boss or subordinates. Be it written or spoken, what do you notice?

Yes, we generally focused on the words we said especially when written but again we would never know how the other person received it as there is no tone, no expression, everything is at the discretion of the other person, the receiver.

And what has Authenticity to do with communication?

Authentic communication is a communication style characterized by honesty, integrity, empathy, and self-awareness. 

At all levels of society, people are expecting greater levels of humanity, understanding, and honesty from their leaders, which entails leaders to be engaged, committed and genuine in their thoughts and actions.  

When you communicate authentically, you bring your whole self—your thoughts, feelings, and experiences—with you.  

 When a manager communicates authentically, it shows that they view their direct reports as human beings worthy of respect and dignity. Even during challenging times, when unpopular decisions need to be made or unpopular positions need to be taken, when communicates authentically, trust is built 

Sherly Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer of Facebook commented authentic communication is not just stating what you think, regardless of consequences, but rather it is a communicating effectively ie truly listening to what other people are saying, it's about a leader’s statement provide room in which others feel able to communicate their thoughts and feelings honesty and authentically.

 Yes it is a 2 ways traffic, where there is listening, where there is a flow, where there is honestly with thoughts, feeling and experiences shared authentically.

Authenticity

Put simply, authenticity means you're true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you're under to act otherwise. You're honest with yourself and with others, and you take responsibility for your mistakes. Your values, ideals, and actions align. 

When we speak authenticity, we align to our truth, yet we are also mindful of how our communication is perceived, ie not assumed I know but rather paying attention to the entire person.

Yes, when we put across a message, it is very much from our perspective and we totally forgotten or ignored the fact that the other person is not YOU and will never be you. They will never in the position to read your mind, simply reading what you said without the tone or expression – they will need to make up all those details through their inner system.

Have you noticed the differences in the way you communicate to your colleagues vs your friends or family? If so, what is the difference?

Actually, the more we know the other person, the better we are able to tell what they are saying (not just the literal words).

Authentic communication is therefore about creating mutual understanding by being willing to share some of their personal history, and by showing interest in the personal background of others. This entails empathy toward others, and the ability to imagine yourself in their shoes.

When we do that, can you imagine what a world that will be ? No more misunderstanding or miscommunication,

A world with trust and integrity, with consideration

Are you willing to take that first step towards to build your authentic communications?

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The KEY to Imposter Syndrome

Wed, 01 Feb 2023 10:37:16 GMT

Is authenticity the answer to your Imposter Syndrome?

Have you ever felt that you don’t belong? Like your friends or colleagues are going to discover you’re a fraud, and you don’t deserve your job and accomplishments?

I can’t believe this client of mine who is in quite a senior position saying this to me! I mean I read so much about it that I, myself, am getting a little too familiar with the description, the syndrome as it said. (To let you into my little secret, I realized I kind of have them too, I mean some of my clients whom I coached are in very senior positions with titles of Managing Director, Senior directors etc – am I really in the position to coach them when I haven’t been in that position myself). So, you see none of us escape that syndrome....

Impostor syndrome, also known as impostor phenomenon or  impostorism is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent  internalized  fear of being exposed as a fraud. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon do not believe they deserve their success or luck.

I am puzzled why would someone who has so much success in their job, still doubt themselves. This client continues “I am worried what if they asked me about my ambition then the cat would be out of the bag, I have no ambition unlike the others who are truly highly ambition, know what they want. I just want to do a good job, add value, have a cohesive workplace, no conflicts. If I were to tell them that I have no ambition, will that mean I would lose my job since that perfect image of mine is all gone. And situation is rather uncertain now with lots of redundancy happening right now...”

There have been so many talks/ blogs on how to deal with this syndrome and I bet like this client of mine, who is highly intelligence and has no lack of knowledge. In fact, she said the very thing to me –It’s all in my head but how do I do what I know.

Since most of us have no lack of knowledge or shall I say the head knowledge.

Shall we move beyond the know, the head knowledge that we all know? Clearly it is not the information that we have the challenges with.

If we are honest, most of our troubles or challenges has little to do with knowledge or information as most information can be easily found on line but the underlying, the alignment, the 'rightness' within ourselves, more to answer to ourselves than anyone else...

We know what imposter syndrome is, we understand the traits, but it does not necessarily mean we can easily get rid of those imposter syndromes we have.

Since knowing does not help as this client asked “how do I do what I know”.

Is embracing Authenticity the answer to this question?

Authenticity simply means genuine, not a copy, true to the oneself, when we embrace our full being it means a full acceptance of who we are and that means self-awareness and courage to be just ME

Self-awareness comes from retrospection to reflect on our good and bad, our strengths and weakness, and the emotional intelligence (EQ) to cope and manage the feedback

Courage is knowing that there is no perfect me, there is no shame being me. It is the full acceptance of me, standing up each time despite adversity It is just me, full of self-compassion.

Courage is the ability to speak up, to show up even during times of adversity?

Imposter Syndromes comes from the lack of the ability of accepting the full self, as in I am simply just not good enough, the need to achieve and very likely to come from a family background of either super-achievers or needing to please to gain acceptance.

When we can fully accept the SELF, who I am, there is no longer the need to chase for the acceptance of others. In other words, the ability to recognise your own strengths and abilities rather than choosing to doubt yourself.

Embracing one's own authenticity is not a destiny but a journey, a continuous journey of discovery and living courageously.

Whenever we are doubtful of the self, our imposter syndromes surface where they will try to tell us otherwise.

Authenticity is Your who that comes alive in Your what.

Imposter syndrome is what you do fall to align to who you are? Hence the doubts of what you do is not good enough?

When you align what you do to who you are, the sense of unworthiness will no longer exist because an identity has no good or bad. It is simply you!

To begin your journey of self-discovery, explore your strengths (what is realised strengths vs learnt behaviours vs hidden strengths), what is your personality traits, what is your values (the inner compass that have been directing your life), and what is your life map – that peak/trough, etc that you have gone through to make you who you are today.

Most important of all, to reflect upon all that you have uncovered and stay truth to your calling!

If you are ready to claim your authenticity. Let’s chat.

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Seeing the REAL You

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Mon, 09 Jan 2023 13:26:08 GMT

Awareness of SELF

“ The most important conversations you'll ever have are the ones you'll have with yourself. ” — David Goggins.

Being self aware is at the core of what Howard Gardner refers to as intrapersonal intelligence or what John Mayer, Peter Salovey, and Daniel Goleman refer to as EQ

They describe self-awareness as the capacity to be introspective and examine thought and feelings

This includes:

Effective awareness: knowledge of one’s feelings, attitudes, moods and outlook
Ethical awareness: the ability to set one’s principles and moral priorities
Self-regulation : the ability to monitor one’s thoughts, actions and behaviour
Metacognition: the ability to be aware of one’s thought processes

Self-awareness also means having a clear picture of our internal motives; those things that drive us to say what we say or do what we do. Peeling away the layers of our motivations is not always a comfortable process, but it is necessary step if our goal to become an authentic leader known for personal integrity. Central to this process is gaining absolute clarity about what we perceive our purpose is in life and how we define success

Having a Better Understanding of SELF through acceptance will also mean we will have a more compassionate, empathy heart to others and thus a better relationship in our life.

For myself:

Effective awareness means knowing my own personality traits ( natural tendency inclination preference or behaviours, communication style, etc.

Ethical awareness, knowing my own principles & Moral priorities. (values & beliefs), what I can vs cannot compromise

Self Regulation : acceptance, introspections, courage

Metacognition : paying attention to that pattern, generally needs some external help like CL to uncover the inner patterns through modelling, coaching where some used the ‘talking through’, etc

Awareness lies at the root of one's character, giving us the ability to lead with a sense of purpose, authenticity, openness and trust.

It explains our successes and our failures. And by giving us a better understanding of who we are, self-awareness also gives us a better understanding of what we need most from other people, to complement our own deficiencies in leadership.

The question, then, is how we can cultivate this sense of inner awareness. There are many ways to do so.

Practice mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness refers to being present in the moment and paying attention to yourself and your surroundings rather than getting lost in thought or ruminating or daydreaming.

It is a form of practicing to improve your moment-by-moment awareness.

Most forms of mediation begin with focusing your attention on one thing, such as your breath, a mantra, or a feeling, and letting your thoughts drift by instead of holding on to them.

Both practices can help you become more aware of your internal state and your reactions to things. They can also help you identify your thoughts and feelings and keep from getting so caught up in them that you lose your hold on your “self.”

None of these need to be formal or ritualistic – greater clarity can also come from regular moments of pause and reflection.

2. Make time to reflect

Reflecting can be done in multiple ways (including journaling; see the next tip) and is customizable to the person reflecting, but the important thing is to go over your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to see where you met your standards, where you failed them, and where you could improve.

You can also reflect on your standards themselves to see if they are good ones for you to hold yourself to. You can try writing in a journal, talking out loud, or simply sitting quietly and thinking, whatever helps you to reflect on yourself.

Ask of yourself

What am I trying to achieve
What am I doing that is working
What am I doing that is slowing me down
What can I do to change

3. Journaling

The benefit of journaling is that it allows you to identify, clarify, and accept your thoughts and feelings. It helps you discover what you want, what you value, and what works for you. It can also help you find out what you don’t want, what is not important to you, and what doesn’t work for you.

Both are equally important to learn. Whether you like to write free-flowing entries, bulleted lists, or poems, writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you to become more aware and intentional.

4. Ask people around you

It’s vital to feel we know ourselves from the inside, but external feedback helps too. Ask your family and close friends about what they think about you. Have them describe you and see what rings true with you and what surprises you. Just like 360 feedback – it helps us to see our blind spot.

Carefully consider what they say and think about it when you journal or otherwise reflect. Of course, don’t take any one person’s word as gospel; you need to talk to a variety of people to get a comprehensive view of yourself.

5. Others

Take psychometric tests for they are generally very accurate and give you the language to understand yourself. Languages are powerful, many a times we find it challenging to express a view, an idea, and when we hae that language, everything just seems to fall into place.

Practice Yoga, although it is a physical activity, it’s just as much mental practice. While your body is stretching and bending and flexing, your mind is learning discipline, self-acceptance , and awareness. You become more aware of your body and all the feelings that manifest, and you become more aware of your mind and the thoughts that crop up.

You can even pair yoga with mindfulness or meditation to boost your self-awareness.

Without Self-awareness, no one can ever fully lead or know themselves fully.

It is only with self-awareness that one can journey closer to a state of ‘self-congruence’ – in which what we say, think and feel are consistent. Building self-awareness is a lifelong event. You’re never done.

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When Magic happens

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 10:58:12 GMT

Finds Your Magic....

“ I am so excited that my dream to do a retreat with nature is finally happening. I found my wonderful partner, Smita Thakrar who is not only a skilled, but very experienced yoga instructor and a well-qualified herbalist. Together, we have created a holistic rest, recharge, revitalise, reflective retreat for our guests in March 2023. "

That’ my magic happening...

What about you?

Isaac Newton whom I am sure you all know but do you also know that his first discovery was during the Great Plague of London in 1965 where he was sent home from Cambridge for the social distancing, like our Pandemic of covid of today

Without his teachers’ guidance, Newton flourished. The period he spent away was later referred to as his annus mirabilis, the year of wonders

First he continued working on maths problems that he’d begun at Cambridge University. Believe it or not, the papers he wrote became the genesis of calculus.

Second, he acquired some prisms and began experimenting with them in his room, even boring a hole in his shutters so only aa small beam of light could shine through. From his explorations emerged his theories on optics.

Third, outside his window was the famous apple tree which we all heard of. While Newton sat under that tree, an apple fell which launched his thinking. From this apple, Newton developed his theory of the law of gravity and laws of motion.

That pandemic where a fourth of the population died yet today we’ve all benefit from that outbreak.

It was during that great interruption; Newton transformed his thoughts into a great introduction to an entirely new world of math and science. It was when he left the magnificent institution of higher education that he learned more than he could have in class. It was when life was on hold that he made his best progress

Today, our world was again shadowed by another pandemic, cov19. Many suffered – working longer hours (no physical boundary from work vs home), higher rate of domestic violence, collapse of airlines.... while others thrived with better family life, learning to appreciate each other better, saving on travelling time, cleaner air (due to lack of vehicles on the road, air or sea). For once, the cities in China can be seen from the satellite .

What an irony

What a paradox

Pope Francis put it this way: “we are not experiencing an era of change but a change of era”

There is volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity times that have led to many difficult challenges. Everyone is busy, fire-fighting in one way or another at home front, in the office where there is headcount freeze yet increase in workload. How do we manage?

There is constant demand of our time, our attention, calling upon us, even the MS Team is busy telling us that there are messages waiting for us to attend to, there are more meetings than usual since cov19. It seems that our day is simply filled with meetings instead of getting down to work.

As the year of 2022 comes to an end...

What have you noticed about your busy year?

When is your most productive, creative time or happy moment?

This idea of retreat descended upon me when I was away for my birthday weekend – without the usual busyness, the noisy clutter – the idea came about with clarity, I knew what to do, where I wanted to hold the retreat, what to be included. It is as if it is magical, that the magic was just there waiting for me to uncover it.

Yes I am asking you to allow the magic to happen for you as well because it is just right there when you are ready to allow it to flow through.

Just like the story of Isaac Newton, magic happened when he has the physical and mental space to allow that flow of clarity and magic to come right through.

Hence, this retreat is held in nature to help us to get away from those boundaries we have enclosed on ourselves, it is aim is to uncover the REAL You through the bringing of your body and mind together with the use of space.

I would like to invite you to have that “pause” in your life because this motionless is actually the motion you need to push you further ahead in whatever direction you want to move toward to. If you are still not sure how that can be done – listen to this 2 mins recording to be in touch with your senses. https://irp.cdn-website.com/4bb9da65/files/uploaded/PQ%20Rep%20on%20Sitting_NjOdiT6RiyYFDdVCfsBN.mp3

3 Keys to Success

Thu, 03 Nov 2022 18:14:32 GMT

Do you have the clarity to succeed in life?

“I am not happy with my job, I thought it is what I wanted when I apply for it. But now I know, I really do not like what I am doing. I am aware of the job scope but I did not expect that I would hate it. I hate cold calling, I am feeling miserable, should I leave my job?

What directions should I take in my career

What are my passions?

I wish I am like those who know what they want and go for it?”

What a contrast to the other client where I met the very next day who has been with me for 5 months

We have not met for a month and she has great exciting news for me. She told me she is going to Singapore for work (she has been wishing, wanting this for a while now) and she also told me that her company is going to sponsor for her PHD.

I was like “wow, men, everything is coming truth for you.”

So I asked “What do you now know about this difference in yourself?

She told me these what she did :

Able to tell people what she wants
Able to have that conversation with her Head of Department
Most important of all, being clear on what she wanted

Yes you heard correctly.

The courage and confidence in telling others,

The networking effects activation: the ability to act

And most of all ‘the Knowing, having that deep clarity from within

I am blown away when she said that and told her that I need to put this down into a blog, pos.

3 simple but immensely powerful points she raised.

To be clear on what you want. Do you know what does that clarity looks like? What does that power and insight you got when you have it.

What happened to the courage, confidence when you got that clarity? Most of us struggle with confidence or lack the courage, because of uncertainty. When you know deep within you what’s that clarity is, that challenge is minimised, and it becomes just a skill to pick up.

Lots of conversation with the right people: yes when you are clear on what you want, articulating is no longer difficult. Now and go and act upon it. Nothing will ever come truth if no action is taken.

3 simple Steps.

Do you agree?

Are you now able to go and pursue what you want?

I know the 3 points made perfect sense – the trouble is I know it in theory, not in reality.

You see, knowing what you really, really want is the hardest. How many people in this world knows what they want to do in their life, for it is much easier to know what we don’t want?

Henceforth, the various kind of assessments like personality traits that tells of your preference style such as introversion vs extroversion, your preference style of communication, how you can adapt to the environment, to the people. Strength profiling assessment helps in giving you a better understanding of how you utilise your strengths not only make you happy but perform better.

Assessments are useful and beneficial, if you haven’t done any. I would encourage you to do some – it will shine some light on your uneven path. But, no single assessment is the key to all the answers you seek. For we, human is a lot more complex than that.

The point here is all these assessments have a purpose and helps in giving you a clearer picture of the WHO you are. Ultimately, YOU are more than the few assessments. It is the desire to begin this journey of discovery to live a life true to yourself hence the clarity.

Once you have that full clarity, you will automatically embrace the confidence because you found YOU, there is an alignment, no longer about the indecisiveness, the uncertainties. Because you are sure, you are passionate, you speak about it, you talk about it, and with boldness, with conviction.

Courage surfaces and no longer the procrastination or worries. You step forth and act upon it.

What holds you back is the lack of courage, lack of confidence, the uncertainties, the “I don’t know” that comes from the fear outside of your comfort zone.

What if you do know, then what happen.

Yes, the feeling of the passions, the energy, the ease to act upon it.

It is not the unwillingness to do what you want, it is the “I don’t know” that holds you or you thought that it is not right (because the society says so.... etc etc). and when know, is the fear of what if it did not go well....

So, when you know, so when you are clear

Tell others about it

Act Upon it (the plan/strategy)

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Confidence from Within

Tue, 04 Oct 2022 20:50:38 GMT

Believing in Yourself?

"I am really lucky, 4 promotions in 4 years in my company, and the people are genuinely nice.

Now, being in a middle management, no longer the young trainee. I realised that I am the only female for all my colleagues are white men in their 50s. Sometimes, it just felt so difficult. Let me give you an example. Whenever there is a presentation, each of them will use Powerpoint and they will list all the facts, statistics, I try doing it their way but was totally burned out, so I decided to do it my way and found that when I did that, my colleagues told me that “I was on fire” and I do feel that there is so much more confidence in me too. I noticed I am able to explain my WHY when I was asked, unlike before, it is always a struggle when someone question my motivation."

When I hear this from my client, I thought is not this a perfect example of authenticity that brings out one’s confidence.

When you are confident, not faking it where would that confidence comes from? Yes, it comes right from your core, and you feel it and know it right in your gut. That confidence is like what?

For me, it is simply mean Authenticity

When you are in your full authentic self, that’s like what?

Then what happen to your self-confidence?

We all have heard people saying “ fake it till you made it”. Do you agree? Unfortunately I do not and I know many out there do not either.

For me, I need to be real, to be true to myself so how can I have confidence.

Self-confidence in short, i s an attitude about your own skills and abilities. If we are honest, many of us have the skills and abilities yet we feel we are not good enough! There is always someone who is better, somewhere, somehow....

Attitude – a way of thinking or feeling, so if we are not thinking or feeling that we are that good about our skills or abilities then confidence would be a challenge.

When we are able to embrace our Authenticity, Something happens within us, there is an energy, there is invisible empowering.

The compelling need to compare with others, to be perfect, to be in control, to be... no longer have its hold on us, the society conditioning loses its grip.

Because we found our ‘Core’.

And when we reclaim our authenticity,

We began to have better self-esteem.

We began to have better confidence

We began to have presence

Because You know who you are and what makes up that very unique identity of yours, your culture, values, beliefs, experience,.....

When we are not our authentic self, it also means we are looking on the outisde to validate our existence, our being. In so doing, we are never good enough. How can we for we are only mere mortal, we can be good in one thing but not all things. When we look outward, we see many. As the chinese says, there is always a taller mountain,

Indeed, if you choose to compare your skills & abilities to someone, I can guarantee you that there is someone better than you in some aspects, one way or another.

But when you accept and trust yourself ie acknowledge all of your goodness, or the part that is not so good, we let our true self surface and you being you, no one can be like you in any sense.

With all the goodness of authenticity, w hy so many people still struggled to embrace it and live authentically especially when we are in a corporate setting.

The bottom line for most of us is we are scared . As a human species, we want to belong, want to be part of something, a community, a tribe. Yet being different mean otherwise.

We do not want to deal with the consequences of authenticity because it impliess people's judgments or reactions, our own fears and doubts, failure or rejection, and more – so we just shut up and try to fit in.

It is so much easier to shy away from the authentic self and seek comfort in conformity and this is what you and I see everywhere especially when you are the minority in a majority place, be it that you are wrong gender, the wrong colour, wrong culture, beliefs, etc etc. To be accepted into the place, we conform, we change, we adapt, we gradually forgot about the core self.

Then what happened?

Winnicott (an English paediatrician and psychoanalyst who was especially influential in the field of object relations theory and development psychology) points out that having a very strong False Self persona keeps people from acting according to their spontaneity and creative impulses, leaving the person feeling unoriginal and empty, sometimes with very little idea as to why they feel this way.

Pause for a moment, do you think having a strong False Self Persona will be a confidence person ?

How about someone who is true, real, full of integrity?

Self Confidence comes from within you, not simply about skills and abilities but the attitude of your skills and abilities and to fully have that “attitude” comes from you Authentic Self.

As the famous Laozi words "Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her." -

Are you ready to embrace Your Full Self, to allow that confidence to shine through?

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How to give of Your BEST..

Fri, 02 Sep 2022 10:54:05 GMT

Strength = BEST?

How much do you know of your ‘strengths’

"Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it." George Halas

Makes sense?

But how does one know that he has given his best?

Wh en I google ‘what is your best’. Guess what was the results? Strength?

This keeps me wondering for quite a while, does strength = best

Strengths generally is understood as in what we are good in! Kind of make sense in a way, I am good at sometimes and of which I give /serve in what I am good in...

If I am good in numbers, shall I become an accountant, mathematician, statistician.. etc. does that mean that I am giving my best?

Are they truly equal, the same?

This brings up a recent conversation with a young man when I asked him what does he want to do with his life, he said he does not know. But he knows he is good in number so he thought he SHOULD do something with numbers... logical?

Knowing one's strengths and weaknesses indeed gives us a better understanding of ourselves and probably how best we operate. If you were looking at career options, it definitely could help to narrow down to some options, won’t you say so?

In according to StrengthProfile, A strength is something we perform well at, is energising and we do often – in summary, it’s our authentic self at our best. When we put our strengths to work, we are happier, more confident, and more able to achieve our goals. We feel motivated to do great work and become engaged and productive individuals, teams, and organisations. When we don’t know what our strengths are, we waste valuable time on things that drain us.

What do you do say to this?

There are a few types of strength profiling in the market like GallupStrength (executing, influencing, relationship building, strategic thinking themes), StrengthProfile (Being, Communciaiton, Motivating, Relating, Thinking themes) as mentioned above and Value in Action where they will classify the various strengthhs into themes to give the person a better view where their overall strengths lies.

More importantly, strength profiling extends to unrealised strengths ie what you are passionate, good at it but not use it somehow. This might be due to lack of opportunities or any other reasons hence not realised or hidden.

The purpose of any of these assessments are meant to give us a better understanding of ourselves. The greatest challenges come is when your greatest strength turn up to be your greatest weakness

What would you do?

Let me give you an illustration, let’s say you are a very rational person. At work, you don’t get pull into emotional stuff, it’s always facts and figures right and it served you practically all the time

And because it is such a useful strength, we naturally lean more and more.... into it

And if you are honest with this strength of yours, you’ll notice that you have this tendency of approaching all matters from the hyper rational approach which means you are likely to miss personal, emotional, relationship considerations. If we dig further there is an emotional numbness, intellectual arrogance or aloofness vitality about this strength.

So much so that the relationship strains the impact of your effectiveness!

You get the picture!

If we are not careful, we can overuse our strengths and it can work against us. Hence the importance of understanding what does the strength truly means to us as an individual, as a leader. How can I truly embrace it ie live it not overuse it

To embrace and not overuse is not only knowing the strength but also has the inner ‘strength’ to resist the overuse because our society dictates what is good and what is bad. Like the earlier illustration, rational is good especially when we are in a workplace, tendency is we overuse.

When we are able to embrace our full self, we exercise our strength with an understanding of boundary, limitation, ie acceptance of our full self, not pushing ourselves to the point of exhaustion

To embrace your full authenticity, self awareness is inevitable where we reflect, introspect with the helps of assessments, coaches reflections and most important of all, the willing (the courage) to be truth to ourselves.

If you find that you are stressing or wondering whether that is your strength, it is probably time to have that conversation to uncover are you using your weakness or overusing your strength. Is it time to dial down that overuse strength or find that collaboration with others whose strength are your weakness.

Your Greatest Achievement

Fri, 05 Aug 2022 15:31:32 GMT

“What is your greatest achievement?”

Do you need to be constantly achieving to feel successful or good about yourself?

“What is your greatest achievement?”

Is one of the most challenging behavioural questions you can be asked during a job interview. The common answers most interviewers get:

My greatest professional achievement was completing my Bachelor's degree in 4 yes with a 3.8 GPA. I had no financial support from my family and had to work a full-time job while pursuing my Economics degree.
Giving a great presentation at work.
Beating sales targets.
Training for and completing a marathon.
Organising a successful charity event.
Mentoring a co-worker or fellow student.

Even our curriculum vitae is a summary of achievements, so our potential employers know how good we are.

What do you feel when asked about your achievements?

Achievements by definition simply means: a thing done successfully with effort, skill, or courage.

Yet for many who are hyper achiever, goal getter this question might just have the opposite effects. When you are constantly achieving, so much so that you don’t even realise how much you have achieved, it’s like from one target to another, like an inner monster who is always hunger, not for food but achievements and you hardly take time to celebrate any of your successes.

Sounds familiar?

Our society looks upon our achievements as necessary as if it’s what defined us and we wear it like a badge on us.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” Ralph Waldo Emerson, American transcendentalist, essayist, and author.

Being a high achiever is great, for you are generally driven, pragmatic, adaptable, goal oriented and capable of growing self and others to achieve that full potential.

This is also very much needed in our competitive corporate world as we need to show the results we are capable of. There is no denying to it (I came from the corporate world myself of over 2 decades).

Yet so much is riding on your performance – as if there is no choice but to be competitive. You depend on that constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self validation.

In a recent conversation with a client who told me that she find herself not getting things done like the past where she is a goal getter, efficient, effective . Although, she felt such a strong need to do the things she was supposed to do yet she find that she ended up doing something else and felt guilty about it. Her motivation, enthusiasm eg going to gym instead of having a nice dinner seem to have gone.

Where has that rational, efficient self gone to, this new self seem to be more relaxed and chill about things, so much so she felt guilty for she is not “on the toes” anymore and this must be wrong.

If you were this client of mine, how would you be feeling? Guilty that you are not performing to your own mark/ standards?

As we dive deeper into the conversation, she reflected upon what was that difference. Her perspective of herself and situation has changed brought upon by the pandemic where she learnt to be more empathetic towards herself and others.

In fact, this very new her has been ‘achieving even more’ – not from herself like the past but as a team. The ability to tab into her empathy power has been liberating for she no longer needs to hold that tight rein on others like before which she realised is not sustainable and the ability to relax and chill has made her a much understanding manager. In fact, she loves her new self as she reflected – where she no longer needs the achievements to validate her self-worth. She no longer needs to be the task master of herself and others but a human who has time to sit back and relax, who is more understanding, who is ok with less self achievements.

What is your biggest achievement ?

For the greatest achievements is never what you got or have but who you really are!

Are you guts enough to go and get that greatest achievement of yours?

The Authentic YOU

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Sun, 03 Jul 2022 20:30:13 GMT

When you are difference

“I am the only one who is non-white, middle-class, not from an elite school, no rich lifestyle, no rich parents…

How do I speak up, stand up and join them at my workplace, at my prestige university...”

Does my skin colour, my gender, my background defines me?

Is this a form of inferiority?

Inferiority complexity is the feeling of inadequacy or inferiority where we feel others are much better than us, more successful, richer, prettier, more handsome etc because we are different, we are not to the ‘standards’, but this has nothing to do with one’s strength, intelligence or capability.

My next thought, in our current era, haven’t we recognise that the difference is precisely the diversity, and hence the importance of inclusivity and equity. Otherwise, our society inequity will always remain, be it the material possessions or our gender, or our skin colours that separate us.

Why should I feel inferior because my skin is not the right colour!

Why should I feel inadequate because I am not of the right gender

Why should I feel less because I do not come from wealthy family

Why should I feel out of place simply I am from a middle class family

Does our society still discriminate today?

YES

Is it spell out in black & white – NO

Yet, we all know it and know it right in our gut. When we see someone who is different (richer, better looking, skin tone). to us, we know it and we feel it!

It’s human tendency to notice the difference for 2 reasons

One : we are tribal ie the DNA is built within each of us – similarity means safety while, difference mean danger; thousands of years ago, people build tribe for protection, our human instinct of safety is inbuilt hence the need to look for similarities

Two : our society looks at each one of us exteriorly ie how wealthy I am, how well-dressed I am, how do I look, what is my skin tone. So when someone is different, not in the define category what would that mean?

My point here is when you are in the majority space you don’t realise there is a need for DEI because every aspects is from your lens but when you are part of that minority be it, being the colour, the gender, you feel out of place. You know you don’t belong, you know you are treated differently.

What can I do ? How can I overcome this real yet subtle, unconscious difference when I am different!

The truth is we are all different! We are all unique being, no two persons is identical even if they are twins. We all have our own individual DNA, personality, identity

Do you notice there are certain people who despite their disadvantages, colour, gender, sexuality, is able to live in their authenticity, embrace their difference.

If so, what is that difference you notice?

Yes, the "VAS" power :

Value - Know who you are (your values/ your Northern Star, your strengths & weaknesses)
Accept - who you are (your colour, height, weight, sexuality, heritage)
SAGE - Find your inner wiser self

When you know who you are, what you stand for. It is no longer about using the standards of the society where we thought to be higher standing if we have the wealth, go to elite school, live a certain lifestyle. It is very much going deep to know who is that person, the deep realisation of my self-worth is not measured by dollars and cents nor based on society standing, intelligence.

Henceforth, no longer the need to compare because knowing one is always different from another based on own uniqueness – the culture, values, belief….

SAGE Power, made popular by Positive Intelligence, author Shirzad Chamine talks about in every one of us, when we can tap into the Thrive Region of our brain, where in the middle prefrontal cortex is, the empathy circuitry, part of the right brain.

It generates positive emotions while handling life’s challenges. These include empathy, compassion, gratitude, curiosity, joy of creativity, and calm, clear-headed laser-focused action. This region is wired for creativity and big picture awareness of what is important and the best course of action. Activating this region results in release of endorphins that counter the negative impacts of stress-induced cortisol.

When we learnt to do that, the conditions and/or the feeling of inferiority would no longer exists because this activation means we have the senses of connectivity with the rest of the world, thus no longer about comparison, no longer about worthiness of self vs others.

This is not friction but based on facts and neuroscience. In the book of “My Stroke of Insight” by Dr Jill Boyle Tayler where she talked about how she personally experienced through the stroke where the left side of her brain shut down, losing all the ability to logic, to read, write. In addition, the chattering of the monkey mind went silent too! And that little ego voice that tells her she is Dr Jill Boytle Tayler, the neuroscientist was replaced by these awe-inspiring experiential sensations of the present moment.

Do you know your Self-Worth? If so, what are you comparing? Isn’t you enough?

Do you know SAGE Power? If yes, please spread your SAGE power to others because it is contagious.

If not, let’s talk.

You are Guilty!

Sat, 11 Jun 2022 19:17:56 GMT

The true Feedback

How many of us can truly said that when we gave feedback, we are 100% judgement-free, evidence based and filled with compassion for the other person, no assumption made on our parts as in there is no inference (we are in the perfect state throughout).

Giving and receiving feedback is so much part of our life, or even our daily life, whether we expressed it outwardly to the other person likewise whether we received it explicitly.

Why is feedback important?

Feedback is information meant to help us orient ourselves in the world, not only in the workplace.

Feedback is not a new concept. In fact, I believe that gossip is the original form of feedback, dating back to our cave ancestors.

In The Science of Storytelling , W. Storr talks about the evolutionary benefits of gossip and the fact that it’s embedded in our genetic make-up. It served th e purpose of self-regulation in response to expectations: uphold expectations and be welcomed in the cave by the fire; question the expectations and become the philosopher of the tribe; rebel and be thrown out in the rain

Now, Research is showing the link between free-flowing feedback and better business results. In workplaces where managers don’t engage in feedback, employee engagement rates limp in at 29% . O n the flip side, when feedback is regularly exchanged between managers and employees, engagement jumps to 79%.

When feedback is regularly exchanged between managers and employees, engagement jumps to 79%.

When HBR asked 550 CEOs what factors were most likely to bring them business success in the next year, employee engagement ranked in the top three, above ability to innovate and even sales and marketing. Feedback leads to employees caring about their work, and if executives are right, that leads to business results.

YET, Feedback is quite a taboo word, we freeze, we run, we hide, our brain just not as cooperating in its usual capacity. Why?

What is your instinctive reaction when this word is mentioned?

Generally, when we received feedback, it is near impossible or impossible not to attach any emotions to the feedback. Positive or negative especially the negative ones. The ones where we were told we did something incorrect, or not as good, etc.

Being a non-perfect being, ie we all carry assumption, and we have our perspective based on our culture, values, belief, upbringings, experience etc etc and it is instant reaction (trigger) internally, although I believe most of us are not likely to express that disagreement outright.

Let me tell this very personal incident of mine.

In a recent facilitation training, I was put on the spot - to host a room so an invited guest / trainer whom I know (because I did some training with her). can assess how I am doing.

Upon the 30mins, we will ask to do a self evaluation on what’s went well and what didn’t. Sounded good?

Then, we ask each of the participant, how did it go for them? Excellent session where everyone enjoyed and find it very smothering with the voice, helping to visualise the theme ‘listen’.

Then assessor step in, commented that my hyper-animation style (including voice) is totally unacceptable as it has the tendency to sway the audiences and ‘this work of ours’ must be impartial so when the voice is too rhythmic which has the power to persuade is wrong. Of course, I was in absolute shock after such a positive feedback from the rest of the group.

What I am trying to say here is Perspective.

The assessor comes from the view that this is an unique technique where we are facilitating the participants to come to their own realisation/finding, hence if we use our voice to lead/help the participants to arrive at that realisation through kind of trance is an absolutely no.

I was very upset by her harsh comments and it took me weeks and a retreat to come to a realisation she might be coming from the view where she knows me better than the other participants and hence unconsciously have an expectation of me to do better so her feedback is a lot more critical.

Let’s face it, we’re human, and as human we find it difficult to give and receive non-positive feedbacks . Our brain is wired to ‘negativity’ a form of survival instinct, hence negative feedback does not sit well with anyone.

Many feedback methodologies will empathise on the principle on using “its not who you are, its what you do”.

What a wonderful advise !

The reality !

How many of you, have given feedback or receive feedback based on the principle above, yet still upset when received or find out that the person who received the feedback from you is upset .

Indeed when we are giving feedback, it might not be so clear cut at times. Like my case, how do I separate my voice or my way of speaking from me. It’s just me, you can’t ask me to speak without tone, without expressions!

Instead of just focusing on the evidence/facts, highlight what inference you are making on what you saw / heard ? This is very effective because the giver needs to be humble and “using the ‘I’. to tell the other person what I am making up based on the language (words/body / tone).

If you have never experienced a clean feedback from someone OR to someone, let’s talk.

Mind Mapping in your SPACE

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Tue, 03 May 2022 18:31:39 GMT

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to lay out the contents of your mind in front of you?

Mind Maps, a concept where most of us probably very familiar with, especially these two school of thoughts :

The Buzan Map
Spider and Bubble Maps

Mind maps are graphical representations of information. In contrast to the traditional, linear notes you might make in a text document or even on paper, mind maps let you capture thoughts, ideas and keywords on a blank canvas

Benefits of

To structure information effectively
To improve reading comprehension
To boost productivity
To inspire creativity 
To improve memory and recall

These ideas are organized in a two-dimensional structure, with the title/main idea always located in the center of the map for visibility. Related ideas branch off from the center in all directions, creating a radiant structure, or until you find an arrangement that works best for you?

Creativity is a phenomenon whereby something new and valuable is formed. The created item may be intangible or a physical object. 

Like mind-mapping, clean space is a process to get you to map out the information in a physical manner using the space around you. In other words, it is a 3D process where you are in the process and you formed part of that map!

Sound intriguing! Oh yes.

According to the Bible, creation started when GOD separated Light from Darkness and called the light “day’ and the darkness “night’. God is making a distinction and labelling things individually.

When we single things out, we removed that cloud that overshadow our visions and allows us to see clearly. Also, this labelling allows us to draw a boundary between what that thing is and what it is not.

From there, we connect the dots, we linked up the unrelated events together and form that creativity where new ideas are generated. In fact, there is a talk on Neuroscience of Creativity by Baroness Susan Greenfield who said creativity happens when the brain creates unusual associations for the first time.

Whether we think in words, pictures, sounds or feelings, our brains are associative organs. One thing will reminds us of another, and so on and before we know it we have related two or more thing together and formed a new idea.

This creativity is further enhanced through our physical moving as there is a deep, intuitive connection between moving and creativity.

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking “ Friedrich Nietsche

Space Mapping uses the concept similar to mindmapping, with a wider adaption of the physical network and metaphor where it helps our brains to better tab into the creativity that might lies dormant.

For instance, Disney thought of himself as a “little bee going from one area of the studio to another, gathering pollen and stimulating everyone.” While Mozart is constantly looking for two notes that loved each other.

In using metaphor and physical environment, we tab into a space that has not been made available to them before. When we moved our body, something happened inside us, hence there is the power pose, helicopter view of the situation, when we changed our position especially physical position something moves.

There is a saying that “ The soul never thinks without a mental image.”

Aristotle.

So it is time to start trusting yourself, for you do know more than what you think you do .

if you haven’t experience for yourself the magic of your Space, book a session, asking specifically for Clean Space and see for yourself, how you can have that enlightenment!

http://eepurl.com/hmi7Gb

Never stop loving

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Tue, 12 Apr 2022 11:40:09 GMT

Dedicated to my son, Nathaniel

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was named Nathaniel (meaning the gift from GOD) as he was conceived unexpectedly 2 months after their parents’ wedding.

He possessed such a gentle spirit that captured my heart from the very moment I laid eyes on him. Even as a little baby, there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, yet an undeniable aura of tranquility surrounded him. It was an extraordinary combination to observe in a child.

However, as he continued to grow, he remained notably quiet, not uttering a word, with only hmm, umm. It wasn't until he reached the age of four that he sought assistance to begin his journey into speech. His educational voyage commenced at the age of five, as is customary in the UK, and he quickly endeared himself to everyone with his gentle and caring nature. Yet, this was also the time when teachers began to notice his struggle with maintaining focus and attention..."

Meanwhile, his silly mum decided to take him back to her home country thinking it is best for them all, a place known for their advance education, good for her career progression and away from the father who find the children a burden. The little boy went eagerly to explore the new land, not knowing the hostility, the challenges that come with it.

He no longer has friends in school, everyone find him different especially with his accent. Gradually he dropped his accent and speak like the other kids but his difficulties in school became more and more obvious.

This round, there is no longer any help because the new place was foreign to special needs children. Meanwhile, he was labelled with many names by relatives, tuition teachers etc.

3 years later, he finally got his first diagnosis on ADHD and language deficits… but no help was rendered …. As the government hospital was not forthcoming for instance, the speech therapist expecting ADHD to be cured before she will see him. Yet, we know there is no such thing as cure for ADHD as it is a form of neurodivergence condition rather than illness. Although medication can help to settle them their hyper-activeness.

Challenges, difficulties continue with some understanding after the diagnosis…

The boy continues to grow despite the challenges he faced, and GOD has been merciful in his own ways as he received helps in other ways through an accidental encounter with a child psychologist (his parents were separating at that time) and got further diagnose of sensory and found private help with an Occupational Therapist.

The boy’s kind heartedness & enthusiasm was gradually seen by many, and this won him heart of other youths, young adults/adults where he belonged to in a church. Although, many still puzzled how such a combination exists (super active / super energy yet super gentle with young ones or those with needs)

One Monday morning, he went to school like any other day, his mum waving good bye to him before she get ready for work. Who knows this is the very last time everyone will ‘see’ or hear from him. For he came home in that afternoon as usual but the blood vessel has already starting to burst in his brain stem. Going in and out of coma, while his younger brother not understanding or knowing try to reach his mum without success. "As he appeared to be having a severe headache" thought the younger brother. The younger brother finally managed to get hold of the grand mother who thought to drop by later in the evening to bring him to see a doctor and inform the mum.

In any case, the mum was contacted and decided to get home earlier to bring the son to see the doctor, never in her wildest dream to see her son lying there on the floor, with vomits and seizure when she got into the house.

The rest is a blur – calling the ambulance, waiting for the ambulance, the hospital. Nothing seem to be real.

There are, there were many why, but there is never an answer. It just happened, and it can happen to anyone as the neurologist told the poor mum.

At his funeral, quite a number came forward to tell the mum what he did for them, how he encouraged them to return to the church, to the community, how he used computer games to reach out to the other boys, how he tell the other adults the importance of good sleep, to look after themselves, how he the ‘looked after’ look out for the adult instead during the church camp…..

All these happened on the holy Week of 2017.

As you all could have guess by now, this is my story and the story of my son. This time of every year, I was reminded of his life – his sufferings, his love….

What is death? When we all experienced death in some forms especially with the recent covid, or rather the Ukraine/Russia war where we have seen.

I, the living choose to remember goodness, kindness, to celebrate his life, however short that might be.

You, the alive how would you like to remember and celebrate your loved ones be it they are still with you or have gone.

I chose to Be presence, be intentional with my life, because I wish he is still alive and his life is not so short but I also know, wishing in this sense will not change the fact that he is gone. The important thing is what I want to do with my life, with his legacy.

And what have you chosen with your life? What have you wish for? And can you still pursue, if yes, are you doing it. ? If not, what do you want to do about it?

This was written in remembrance of Nathaniel as 14 ^th Apr 2022 is his fifth year of passing.

Something better than Heaven

Fri, 11 Mar 2022 18:22:06 GMT

Creativity

“T here is something better than heaven. It’s the eternal, meaningless, infinitely creative mind. It can’t stop for time or space or even joy. It is so brilliant that it will shake what’s left of you to the depths of all-consuming wonders .” Bryon Katie

The bottomless well of creativity where Napoleon Hill called it “infinite intelligence”

Better than Heaven!

Can’t stop for time!

So brilliant that it will shake me to the depths !

What kind of something that can be all the above! I definitely want a piece of it

Then it strikes me that Bryon Katie is talking about Creativity that is in each one of us!

Oh mind how can that be everyone especially me! I freak out the moment I heard the word creativity. I can’t draw, lousy in crafts works, I still remember to this day – I was given a “F” for drawing in class, I never have any creative in my life!

The point here is what is this creativity Byron Katie is talking about. How can it be better than heaven, not stop for time, and shake me to the depths. And can that really be me?

When having all these thoughts, my conditioning has already kicked in without my realisation. What is conditioning? It was all part of my upbringing, education that tell me how I should be, whether I am good, no good, intelligence, creativity…

Inside the story, as per Steve chandler words “ I had been conditioned just as like a piece of meat get marinated.” It is over and done with!

The truth is conditioning never stops as conditioning is a process, we are always evolving in accordance to our environment, to the people around us. Human is the most adaptive creatures on this planet. Like neuroplasticity, when scientists have first found that it is only feasible in the child but now we know regardless of age, our brain can continue to grow, it’s more of a speed rather yes vs no.

If we are not the marinated meat, we can always be like a culinary work in progress. Each day is full of its possibility, if we allow it for the menu is always new.

If we allowed it!

Do you allow it?

When I looked back on my life, I believe money solves all problems, I believe to gain the attention & acceptance of my parents/ society – I need to have a good education like a minimum of a degree from a good reputable university of course with a good grade.

As I hold these as truth, I live my life as such – no creativity which I will shove away, I cringe when I hear that. Everything I do, needs to be logical, sensible so naturally pursuing a degree in accounting and finance in a good university is the perfect outcome. You get the idea!

Creativity is not about drawing, not about arts or crafts. It is simply a Being! Being who you are, recognising your own beauty! Having that courage just like a child

Winnicott used true self to describe a sense of self based on spontaneous authentic experience and a feeling of being alive, having a real self. ^[2] The false self, by contrast, Winnicott saw as a defensive façade, ^[1] which in extreme cases could leave its holders lacking spontaneity and feeling dead and empty, behind a mere appearance of being real. ^[1]

This true self is just like children at play, which is spontaneous, abundance but often repressed in adulthood due to our over conditioning.

To live in the world of creation – to get into it and stay in it – to frequent it and haunt it – to think intently and fruitfully – to woo combinations and inspiration into being by a depth and continuity of attention and meditation – this is the only thing “ Henry Jam

“I’m always thinking about creating. My future starts when I wake up every morning…. Every day I find something creative to do with my life.” Miles Davis

Stop hiding away from Being You, embrace your true self, the spontaneous, abundance self.

If this message speaks to you, book a time and let’s speak!

Do I need Authenticity for my promotion?

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Tue, 08 Feb 2022 21:05:56 GMT

Is Authenticity needed for my promotion?

This phrase, authentic has somehow slipped into our vocabulary without much of our conscious awareness these days.

During a TED talk, Jun 2018 by Prof Herminia Ibarra where she highlighted the soar of the use of the work “authenticity” from about 100 to nearly 300 over a period of ten years in the Business Press either in headlines or lead paragraphs. Likewise, the number of books in amazon on this topic has also risen drastically with about 20,000 books – on how to be authentic.

In fact, while writing about this, a conversation that happened 2 year ago with a female executive came to mind. The conversation has left me with such an impression that I remember to this day. In our dialogue, she mentioned that her boss has told her that she is excellent in her work, networking, what she needs is to work on her authenticity. But she wasn’t sure what does that actually constitute to ?

Exactly? What is authenticity that one needs to work on. It does not seem to make any sense, of course I am authentic, aren’t you?

Yet, this is the hot topic these days, so much so that it has somehow become a pre-requisition in leadership position.

WHY?

Authenticity helps organisation….

If you google for the definition of authenticity, you will find this “ of undisputed origin and not a copy; genuine”.

But too often, this knowledge does not serve us. Because in reality, we are not born to lead, we learn to lead.

How has authenticity got to do with leadership especially aren’t we already authentic since we are supposedly unique, one of a kind.

A leader leads, not follow or copy or imitate yet to be able to lead, the leader must first learn, and who is in the better position to lead other than who are already leading. You see, you and me, learn to lead from our role model, just like a child model after their parents, this is our inherent trait marks as a person.

From its beginnings over 500 years ago, the ideal of authenticity has been embedded in the value system of modern Western civilization. “To thine own self be true” from a character in Shakespeare’s Hamlet, reflect that in each of us, according to this ideal, has our own path to tread, determined by our unique combination of traits and potentials.

Authentic Leadership emphasis transparency, genuineness and honesty. This way, the leaders inspire trust in their employees, and trust is the base to whatever work we do in an organization or any relationship we want to build.

In other words, to be an effective leader, one must be authentic to who they are, not try to take on a different personality in the name of leadership. (Sure there are skills that all leaders should master like, communication, delegation and giving effective feedback.) And the leaders do not try to hide or change who they are down.

Employees, simultaneously want to be able to show their full, authentic selves at work which has become a growing trend that companies are honouring with measures targeting inclusion and belonging.

However, if there is no psychological safety—or the degree to which someone feels they can be authentic without fear of negative consequences—these measures can only go so far. In order to cultivate psychological safety, authenticity must start at the top—with authentic leadership. This authenticity means the wiling to show the true, imperfect side of them, yes that vulnerability , that inclusive, that empathy, to accept to recognise the individualism, the uniqueness of each.

And you, as the leader when you lead with your authenticity, what is that message you are relaying to your people, your employees?

A New Year; A New Beginning

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Mon, 03 Jan 2022 16:30:53 GMT

Happy Birthday 2022

A new year, a new beginning

It seems that I have just celebrated my birthday and before I know it, it’s year-end. 2022 is here, sometimes I would wonder what’s it like to have birthday nearer the beginning the year or mid of the year. So, we can not only celebrate the birthday but reflect of what we have been for the past year, won’t this be more productive, rather than to wait till the year-end?

2021 was an unique year for me, in Sep, I ‘celebrated’ my son’s 21, in Oct my young son went to university, in Nov, it was my 50 ^th celebration. In reality, nothing was closed to the so-called celebration. In Sep, I remember my elder son’s short 16.5 years of life, in Oct was the panic and worries of my younger son going to university as he has not spoken for months before going to the University (yes literally silent with no words). To make matters worse, we as parents are not allowed to step in to assist in anyway due to the law in UK ie when they reached 18, they are adults. We must get their written consents to assist (regardless of the person’ conditions/ ability). Coming from Asia background, I strongly feel this is totally absurd. This is how I ended my 2021 – a state of helplessness against the cruel realities instead of the celebrations..

So what has 2022 behold? Especially I have crossed the ½ a century of living, shouldn’t I be wiser?

It is not the age - I learnt, I realised. it is the experience that taught us, it is what we allowed our state of mind to be.

When one year ends, another year begins.

How can I ensure each year is lived with the Right Intent! The same purposeful living, the staying on track, making my life truly counted with an impact not only for me but others as well.

Every year, we see many big celebrations, to welcome the new year. Most people join in the celebration procession on the streets, at home, drinking, partying.

What actually are we celebrating ? Simply another year, if so, why not celebrate another day.

For every day is a good day, a day we can choose to begin with negative or positive thoughts,

This year – I want to begin my year, knowing full well that I have the power to choose the kind of life I want

What is that intention you have set for this year?

What is that intention that is different from last year or your previous year?

What is the difference; today from yesterday?

What have you learnt today ? That would make your tomorrow ‘better’ - whatever that better means for you. For those such as refugees - it is safety, food, shelter while right to the other end of the spectrum - those who have the stability and wealth, then what else are you looking for.

As we begin a NEW YEAR!

What is that True desire in your heart ?

"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right." Henry Ford

Since you are right either way, ie there is NO a right or wrong here.

What is your Intent for 2022?

The Perfect Novel

Fri, 17 Dec 2021 11:55:22 GMT

The Perfect Novel

"Wherever you are is the entry point “ Kabir

I am supposed to be the Wise, Experienced Person now that I have done my ½ century on this planet, am I?

I wonder….

As I reflected back through my 50 years, I saw many stories – good, bad, interesting, sad, happy, empowering, encouraging, disappointing, even the traumatic ones….

I am actually not sure where to begin.

There is a saying that :

Everything that has happened in your life has been preparing you for who you have become. Not a single thing in your life was ever wasted or was ever random.

Your life is the perfectly written novel, written by the perfect novelist, where you as the hero have been put through all these chapters, but not a single chapter was wasted. Not a single thing was put there randomly.

These wise words was part of an exercise I did with Positive Intelligence that talks about how we can look at every element in our life until this very moment to guide us into what we wants to happen next. (Pls reach out if you like to have a copy of this exercise).

So when can be the best time to reflect other than hitting the 50 years mark! Is that truth? Probably, maybe, definitely.

I have seen quite a number of people doing so, how about me?

Then I realised, this year, 2021 is a big year. The year I turned 50 is also the year, Nathaniel, my eldest turn 21. I wish I could celebrate his birthday, I wish it is a real 双喜临门 not 阴阳相隔 (means I hope it is a truth double celebration rather than separated by death).

With this, I realised age is only a number, yes we do get less energy, lower metabolism rate, etc, but we also get more, a lot more life experiences that gives us the wisdom if only we have truthfully, honestly and humbly reflect upon it.

For years, I harbour the thought that if only I can give the rest of my lifespan to my son, at least he has the chance to grow up to experience life, to….

But everyone has their 命数, life, none of us is in the position to say if to another whether it is a 1, 10 years or 90 years. I know deep in my heart what is truly important is not the number of years we have walked on the planet, it is the impact we have on another individual.

At my son funeral, I learnt despite his short life, he has made his impacts on the youth and young adults, SO how about you?

How would you like to live your life ?

How would you like your Perfect Novel to be written when you reflect back on your many years or maybe not so many years yet?

Drop me a line if you like to get hold of this "Perfect Novel" Journal.

Squid Games

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Fri, 05 Nov 2021 11:10:19 GMT

The Inside vs Outside

Squid Game is a South Korean television series streaming on Netflix. The plot centres on a group of 456 adult debtors, thieves, and gamblers competing against each other in a series of childhood games (with life and death implication) for a grand cash prize.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-58729766

At the very end, there was indeed one surviving participant who was not surprising, totally, absolutely, thoroughly traumatised by the experience as he saw with his own eyes how the other participants were gunned down at each game when they failed to win.

Despite his winning the game 45.6billions KRW (USD 39mio) he was unable to use the prize money that was in his bank account and went back to his old life – poor, very poor despite his wealth!

A year later, he got the same card invitation to a place and there he saw the first participant – the old man where he befriended during the game. There he realised the old man was real mastermind behind it all – the brutality, the degradation of humanity with the lure of money, yet none of the participants are forced to join… they are invited and they accepted the invitation to play this death/life games

The old man on his death bed (he has a tumour in his head and does not have long to live), then asked this lead character Seong Gi-hun to bet with him about the beggar by the street whether anyone will come to his aid before midnight or leave to die.

There the old rich man begin his story.

How he made his billions but life became meaningless, when you can have all you want to eat, drink, shelter, all the luxuries in the world, what else would you need or should I say want?

In fact, he realised that there is a common traits between the very poor and the super rich is that they have both “life”. The very poor is constantly fighting for the very basic survivals while the very rich took it for granted – it is no longer about the food or drink but how it was presented, where it was served. It is the same yet so different! What a ironic I felt when the contrast is placed before our eyes.

I am not here to promote the drama but cannot help reflect upon the many insights it gave me to ponder upon.

The Rich vs the Poor

Adult vs the Child

Simplicity vs Complexity

Each one has so much insights, in our society there are so many rich people, in fact it was found that there are millionaires created everyday, while we see many people in many parts of the world remain poor. This is not only seen in third world countries, but very much in developed countries like UK, Singapore, America.. What does this say of our current society?

So, what makes one poor and what makes one rich. Here we are just talking about physical wealth. In this story, there are 456 stories (people), the lead character is of course Seong Gi-hun who is a chauffeur addicted to gambling and owes money to loan sharks. Another his former classmate Cho Sang-woo apparently a very intelligent guy who graduated form S.Korean university, worked in the bank – like the 2 ^nd Nick Neeson who played in the futures and lost it all including his mum’s shop. The list goes on and I think you get the picture…

I questioned why are people still poor? Laying aside the fact even if you are born in a poor family, when you have received minimum education with no disability. What does say of one self? Is everything in life circumstance driven or we do have certain choice?

Adult Vs Child

What is the main differences?

Responsibilities vs Carefree

A child is carefree, curious, innocent, trusting, fun and real. While an adult has lots of responsibilities, stress, pressure, ambitious and goals.

When I was a child, I acted like a child

Squid Games was using the children games playing it in a life and death manner. Because the mastermind felt that there is no more meaning in life and seeking to find that joy and fun like a child (hence he even decide to participate rather than watch as a spectator).

When we are young, we want to be grown up – independent. When we are older, we wish we are a child once again, no aging, no worries… When we are poor, we want to be rich. And when we are rich, the worries we thought that will go ahead with being poor might have disappeared while other problems surfaced. It seems whoever we are, we want to be someone else other than ourselves. Why? What is wrong with ourselves? Why can’t people simply be happy with who they are.

Simplicity vs Complexity

Sometimes, I wonder have we made our life too complex. There is a saying, man is a meaning-making machines, we want to make meaning of everything we do or don’t do. Do you know that everyone has 60 -80 thousand thoughts a day, although the majority of it is repetitive. Have you noticed that ?

This is a very simple storyline drama yet have caught the world attention. If you lose the game – the childhood game, you lose your life. And this catches our attention – the complexity of humanity.

As I reflected upon the drama, I wonder what is the lesson each one of us can take away for our life ?

1. Does life really have no choice

2. Have you look deep enough in yourself to see that goodness and beauty within you?

3. What do you want to pursue in this life?

Love to hear of your feedback especially those who have watched the drama.

Adaptivity

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 13:35:36 GMT

“Be willing to change because life won’t stay the same.” Anonymous

A relatively simple statement to understand but I wonder how many is truly able to grasp the full meaning and live it! For we all know life never stay the same with many talks about the change –in circumstances, in other but never in themselves,.

How often have we heard of phrases like this “If only I knew, if only he/she did not do that, if only the situation is not the same, if only…”

Somehow we would like our circumstances to change, rather than having that change in ourselves because changing oneself is the hardest yet the easiest.

The ability to adapt is one of the most important traits you can have as a person. For change is constant, and there are many things in your life that you cannot control.

When you open your eyes to see and your ears to listen. You will notice the truly successful ones are the one who is the most adaptable

“ADAPTIVITY is the foundation of ALL success.” Tony Dovale – LifeMasters

In fact one of the most famous quotes about adapting is “adapt or die” by Charles Darwin where he mentioned that only the strongest survive. Adapting can require a massive amount of strength, so it doesn’t surprise me that these two quotes came from the same person.

It is much easier to adapt to situations that only cause a mild level of discomfort. Unfortunately, life often throws us things that are incredibly painful. Such things offer us no other option than to adapt if we are going to be able to live with the pain.

If change is crucial in our life, then why do people not change/adapt themselves to their environment but expect their environment to adapt to them.

1. Change oneself is not easy, because it requires strong motivation and consistency. Our brain is wired according to the habits that we do day in and day out, if one day we decided to make a change. Do you think this change is overnight or one-off ? All changes takes time and effort to build into our muscles.

2. Change many a times is stepping into the unknown that is scary, fearful move. Everyone likes a certain level stability, where most called them the comfort zone. Change means outside of this comfort zone and how many is able to do it on their own, without support, encouragement.

3. Change from within comes from the strong desire of wanting to, ie motivation, how can you maintain your motivation unless you have a clear destination in mind.

When you are clear on your destination, your motivation level will stay high because you know your mission, you know where you are heading hence despite challenges and obstacles, you will come back to the track even when you fall away. Although it takes time, you will not be easily discouraged. And all these are complemented with encouragement and support for we are only human, and our path is not meant to be walk alone.

So be wise to see who are the ones who will lend you the support, who will believe in you. Because we all need someone to believe in us, to support us.

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ― Albert Einstein. And this ability to change is based on 3 factors

• Having the end in mind – be clear on your destination

• Determination / motivation because you are living in alignment to your values

• Support & encouragement

Reach out for that conversation to find out what is yours?

Let Your Life Speaks

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 05:59:54 GMT

My Why – A purposeful Life

There is a story about a journalist who pursued Mahatma Gandhi through a train station, hoping to get an interview for his newspaper. Despite his persistence, Gandhi politely but repeatedly declined to respond to the man’s questions.

Finally, as the train was pulling out of the station, the reporter called out ‘Please, give me your message for the people!’

Without hesitation, Gandhi shouted back ‘ My life is my message!’

If my life was a message, what would the message be?

and this is also my WHY to the many who have asked why do I move into coaching when my corporate job paid me well whereas at this movement in life I have the uncertainty of income and living mainly off my savings.

My story being…

In Easter 2017, when I had an encounter of ‘death’ through my elder son who suddenly passed away due to internal bleeding in his brain stem. Life took a different meaning / purpose or should I say I can no longer live as I live.

I need the WHY to stay alive. And I remember someone gave me this quote

‘Wound is my medicine

Pain is my purpose’

I felt like shit, rotten to put it quite mildly, the guilt is tremendous because my second chance in life is through the death of my child, not even my own encounter with death. The helplessness, the unreality of the situation takes days, weeks and months to kick in, he is no longer around. My child is gone. The baby that I once held in my arms is suddenly gone.

What is life ?

At his funeral, the eulogies given by the youth and the young adults in church were my awakening call. I saw with my own eyes how much he had impacted on those youths and young adults around him despite the traumatic and unfair treatment he had suffered as a child. He demonstrated what is love and touched their lives

How do I live my life now?– a truly meaningful and impactful life. A life that counts! It was something that I had previously been far too busy to acknowledge, far too self-important to search for, far too scared to attempt to find.

Each time, I choked when I was asked on my why because it still hurt. Why do I have to wait till the death of Nathaniel to have this awakening?

I heard many stories of injuries, health issues, but nothing of the guilt as a parent where their child suddenly died, leaving so much unknown especially to the injustice they suffered (if applicable).

Honestly, I have no answer in particular to any parents who have experienced such a pain. A pain that is out of order, unnatural, unexpected and unfathomable.

There is a saying that God will never put you in a situation that is beyond you. I have said ‘BS’ to that for years, because I realised my resilience was learnt, a strength that I hate because I don’t want what I have experienced. Resilience, the ability to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. Such resilience is too painful and heart-breaking for any parents to endure.

Many people told me that I am strong woman as I managed to stay alive, to continue my volunteering work (with Financial Women Association of Singapore), for I strongly felt that it was not right to put the other volunteers in a difficult position because of my own personal situation so I took a 2 weeks off and back to running the mentoring events then.

It is truth, at times we should not ask why because there is no answer. I don’t know why my son has to depart from this world in such a sudden, painful manner. . I wasn’t with him in his last awakening hours – maybe God wants to space me that painful, helpless state but my younger son has to bear that for the rest of his life as he was the last to see him conscious and he blamed himself for not knowing earlier…. I don’t know why he has to suffer injustice as a child, I don’t know why God has given him to me yet took him away, I don’t know why do I have to suffer such pain in this life, I don’t know why …

I realised these questions have no end.

The WHY is always there but I also it’s a question I would never get an answer. As if it is fated that he would one day just gone and there is no way I can hold on him.

In life, we might not always get to know the WHY especially for those of us still grieving over the loss of our children. The fact remains no matter the reasons, I can never bring him back to life, of course I can say, if only I have been a better mum, if only I have more time for him, if only I put aside my own desire/dream, if only … will that truly eliminate the guilt I have as a mum?

"For in grief nothing stays put . One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?

But if on a spiral, am I going up or down it?

How often... will it be for alw ays?

How often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say. 'I never realised my loss till this moment'? The same leg is cut off time after time ." CS Lewis

I realised I can choose to swallow in my grief or choose to live a life that bring him comfort.

Where would all these “why” and what if lead me and even if I do know the answer, I can’t bring him back. Nothing, absolutely nothing I do now will bring him back to me.

I need to start making my life count which will in turn make his life count

It is the What

What can I do now?

So here I am – in the crossroad between coaching and therapy. Coaching – the first professional ‘giving’ work I chose where I have been seeing again and again the transformations I have brought to people’ lives. How I wish I have found it earlier … then I stopped myself would I have the courage to step out of my comfort zone then to pursue this “self”.

It is no longer what is past, what is done.

It is about now. What I can do now for others, a legacy for Nathaniel.

My journey for coaching and therapy begins….

Remember, it is not a bunch of noble-sounding ideas, ranging from ‘help yourself by helping others’. It is literally, be Real, be yourself, what it really is.

This is not about ‘what would you like the message to be?’ - that would come later.

Begin first by taking a long look at the mirror. Even if you don’t like what you see (and it’s fine if you do), there’s no better place to start than right where you are sitting now.

From theory to practice …

Start your search..
Know who you are, what you stand for, what is truly important
If you died today, what is it that you really want to do
Do not be afraid of stepping into yourself
Because you will find the power, the true beauty of just being YOU

It is this realisation that gave me the courage to live, to live my message, to let my life speaks.

What is your Message, what is that inner voice saying to you...

This is written in memory of Nathaniel's 21st Birthday in September 2021.

Your Mind is your greatest Ally and Your greatest Enemy

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 16:26:18 GMT

The setting the direction of your Mind

Last month, I travelled back from UK to Singapore, with my son for his National Service enlistment. In the midst of the covid, we have to monitor SG MOH website regularly to ensure that we are compliance with the latest regulation.

Despite knowing that there will be uncertainties surrounding the travel, the stress of the unknown due to the constant change in the rules especially with regards to taking the covid tests, period of quarantine, the process, airport/airlines, and the vaccination we took as it was very close to our departure dates, we don’t even know we are able to get the 2nd vaccination in UK or any complication if we are to take the 2nd vaccination in SG, have definitely been very unnerving

Due to the uncertainties of the vaccinations, I started to look for answers instead found a very interesting FB group for anyone who plans / has entered SG in the past one year or so during the covid situation. It was a brilliant group, where everyone shares generously about their experience with many asking questions what to expect in many different details and people have been most helpful to answer.

Through this amazing group, I get to know what was like during quarantine including seeing the food served via pictures posted, the complaints of each of the hotels, the DIY self cleaning in every aspects, not allowed to see any single soul during the quarantine, etc etc. has been both enlightening and informative which has reduced a lot of anxiety on the unknown.

Now that I am all prepared for the travel, I neglected one important aspect the day of setting off to the airport. I only gotten the swap test result on the day before which I have missed so tried to do the check-in on the morning itself but we received negative email to say that we can’t as the record cannot be verified This sent me to a spiral of worries. What if we are not allowed to fly due to the silly situation of the British unable to verify our names in the swap test (because in UK and Singapore), name is written very different. With Chinese surname is written in the front while the British has its as their last name . Hence, we decided to set off much earlier for any hiccups at the airport, upon arrival there was more unexpected. Apparently, we are no longer allowed to stop at the terminal carpark, instead of quick drop off that cost £5 per 5 mins. To cut the story, we ended paying probably £15 just to drop off …

At the airport, again there is hiccups as British Airway is not familiar with the Singapore regulation so we are asked questions like which hotel we are staying for the quarantine (which of course we won’t know as it is decided not by us the passengers)…

Determined not to be dampen by the situation, we continue our journey

The 1st sight at the airport was immigration, I have expected a less crowded with the covid so it is. Next, saw the big starbucks closed, I was a little taken aback. When we arrived at Heathrow, we are not allowed to do a transit but directed to arrival and then re-entered into the departure Hall. My initial reaction was anger as knowing how horrible is the immigration but my son said why don’t we step out for a breather and I realised that was a blessing in disguise as we will be ‘indoor’ 24hours since leaving our house.

Heathrow Airport was really quite a sign – pretty empty, immigration was practically empty and only Gate A has shops with a few big restaurants closed, at our departure gates all shops are closed.

Flight was ¾ empty, wearing the mask throughout, upon arrival at SG airport, which was even more shocking. Every shop is shut, people are all covered in mask and blue gown, it looks more like a high risk zone than an airport.

The total quietness of the airport was beyond my description as upon picking up the luggage – we are instructed to go for our swap test (PCR), everything was extremely orderly then assigned to wait for over 1/2hour before we are being lead out of the airport to the coach area . Of course, I am not surprised I have to do the luggage all by myself without any help. And our fate is now at the hands of the driver who will bring us to whichever hotel ie to be.

Although SG website clearly stated that we don’t get to choose our quarantine hotel like other countries – where someone said it is like a lottery where you are sent to ! IT is quite an experience not to know where you will be ‘lockaway’ for two weeks

And so our 2 weeks begin.

Two weeks all by ourselves, with 3 meals being delivered at the door, limited in-room services from hotel, all cleaning is DIY and we start our isolation (face to face)

Actually both my son and I find that it is ok, unlike the horrible experiences I read. Although there is some discomfort like breakfast served at 7:30am where we slept to nearly 12 noon due to jet-lag for the first week. Food too spicy, we have to eat at the time it was served otherwise it is cold. I lost a kg after 3 days. I forgot to mention the portion was not big – being a relatively small eater, we are alright so now I understand why my niece lost 4 kgs in her 3 weeks of quarantine.

Wait wait, we arrived on a Friday evening, on Sun – a friend brought us lots of yummy sushi, sashimi, mochi, etc and we ended up having a feast on Sun. In fact, she did it again on the following Sun - she satisfy our craving for Japanese food.

Of course, I ordered lots of fruits, titbits, drinks, instant noodles from the supermarket to supplements our 3 meals a day, with only a half rotten apple in the first few mornings we received. Again, knowing that we are able to receive foods, things etc from friends/family or even ordered ourselves has been extremely useful. Not only did I do our supermarket shopping online, I brought a yoga mat, and a number of items during our stay. Its truly an experience!

What I learnt

Knowing what to expect and adequately prepared for it has really helped to calm my mind. I realised I wasn’t worried at all which hotel I am going to because I have mentally prepared for the worst.
Also, come with the curiosity mindset of wanting to experience what’s like to be quarantined is really refreshing. Of course not to mention that I have agreed to help Channel News Asia to do the recording in video of the process including as much as what I do on a daily basis in that hotel room and most importantly reflection of first day and last day including the traumatic swap test done on Day 14.
Support - Having good friends to bring us food has not only satisfied the craving but more importantly warmed my heart. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Through this incident, my biggest take-away is when we open ourselves up for new ‘adventure’, the experience can be very different from worrying what is to come. The curiosity mindset vs the worrying mindset has prepared us to take things as it come 兵来将挡水来土掩

So, my dear friends, open your heart to embrace the challenges that comes your way (not blindly) but with as much preparation and knowledge to smooth out the process / anxiety.

Our mind is greatest ally can also be our greatest enemy.

Are you having your greatest ally or your greatest enemy with you now.

Find out what is your greatest enemy in this free saboteurs assessment and start taking notice how you can build your resilence in the positive way.. �� https://www.ariesyeo.com/positive-intelligence

To Soar

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Mon, 28 Jun 2021 10:11:33 GMT

Are you ready to rise to the sky just like the sunrise?

"Letting Go", a word that I have probably heard too many times after my son sudden departure from life.

BUT it is incredibly difficult. In fact, an impossibility for far too many of us. We said we want to let go, we said we need to let go, we went to see counsellor… yet it is still clinging on to us somehow, somewhere .

So what is this “Letting GO” is all about

In accordance to Cambridge Dictionary, it is simply to stop holding on to something or to stop thinking about or being about the past or something that happened in the past

The definition is probably not surprising but what is surprising is this word is used quite frequently either on others or ourselves

Recently, I seen another client who came to see me about coaching, when I asked her “what does she want to work on ?”

She told me she wants to find coping mechanism with regards to her situation, where she is stressful and anxious. To shorten the story, she went away with a new strategy ie understanding what is within and beyond her control, and works around what is within her influence of control. She is happy.

The next session, she reported that the strategy has been useful but then she realised all her anxieties, stresses , fear is not just about coping mechanisms, there is the need to let go so she is able to fully move forward.

She eagerly seeks to move on with her life but somehow this unforgiveness self of her is not in agreement, she found she has sweeping it under the carpet and it has gone right back to her and staying right there.

Letting go takes literal work on our part and might take time where it requires us to do some introspection about what’s true and what we’re actually attached to.

Can you remember how you felt when you broke off with your first boy/girlfriend? The world seem to come to an end, isn’t it ? A wound that seem to never recover. What about that divorce ? That Perfect job?

Unfortunately, we often experience events in our lives that feel much bigger than that and leave us with a void that feels insurmountable. Perhaps it’s abuse, or the abandonment by our parent(s),or our partner/spouse. These types of events leave us with wounds that are carved deep into our souls and can be much more challenging to overcome than the puppy love.

It is not about simply forgetting what has happened but rather an acceptance of what had happened, the situation, and the self.

When we accept a situation, or ourselves, there is a transformative change within us, as though we found we no longer need to cling to the person, the situation or an unforgiveness within self.

“If you want to fly in the sky, you need to leave the earth. If you want to move forward, you need to let go the past that drags you down.” Amit Ray

Logical yet many despite the desire to fly in the sky, remain on the ground as there was such a strong pull on the earth.

So, how can one truly let go and be free, soaring in the sky as one seeks.

Can you honestly ask yourself, "have I done these"

1. A truth acceptance of whatever has had happened.

2. Focus on the Positive, the NOW.

3. Build your support system be it your mindfulness exercise, friends around you, even having that therapist / counsellor to walk you with you

4. Be Kind to yourself

Acceptance is probably the hardest part in letting go. How do I accept a situation especially when it involved my child sudden departure in life. Hence I realised the last stage or the hardest stage is acceptance because there is always the immense guilt as a parent. It is a form of reconciliation, not resignation yourself to the fate, but an ability to tab into your empathy sage.

Know that the human spirit has the capacity to overcome almost anything.

When we let go of the thought that we can’t heal from something that has deeply wounded us, we open ourselves up to the growth potential this event holds.

Focus on the Positive

When you are on the positive mindset, surroundings, you will start to notice – the good is flowing into you. Likewise when you focus on the negatives, you see all the bad happenings. What you focus is what you get – your reality is your own construct (pls refer to my earlier article where it was explained in more details)

Build Your support System

Have a group of people who believes in you and support you in making the changes. So you know you are not doing it alone. Your family, friends, loved ones who care for you, they want to help, think for a moment, would you lend a hand, does accountability checks for eg for a friend in needs?

Be Kind to yourself

And I want to end with this quote “ Be kind. Learn to be kind to yourself. Let your mind free, close your eyes, breathe deeply and remain calm. Life is majestic and meaningful enough. Kindness is in vogue. Be kind to yourself. You are a work in progress. In fact we all are. Be kind to yourself.

If it is time for you soar in the sky, and leave the earth, ‘let go’ of that burden that you have been carrying, or be willing to let someone help to gradually, gently remove it so the gravity no longer holds you back. ��

The 2 bounce-back Pills

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Fri, 11 Jun 2021 08:37:36 GMT

The 2 pills you need to bounce back - Gratitude & Motivation

The 2 Pills you need to bounce back

How do we “keep” ourselves up when we are faced with challenges

Not too long ago, I saw this client who told me that he wants to be positive, but there are times he simply can’t help feeling negative, demotivated, lethargic.

“I am not even myself anymore, I am feeling anxious, fearful..”

So he began to tell me his story

I have been working so hard for my GP training, failed the RCA (Royal College of GP) by one mark, I am still in shock.

For the last 2 years, I got married, became a father, had covid, my grandma passed away, burnout

My motivation level is no longer the same, felt disappointment with myself, felt stuck…

Somehow overcoming obstacles has become harder, maybe it’s the baby, the change in routine, the challenges of getting another case done, overall its such a strange feeling.

Sound familiar,

How can you pick yourself up in the midst of these storms, one after another, it seem like there is no end. As if the stormy weather, will simply not pass over, 雨过天晴 (sunshine after the storm) sounds like a joke when there is no light beyond this dark, dark tunnel.

Just like this medical doctor who was simply at his wits’ end, especially he knows time can help, heal. All he needs to find back that motivation in his life again. But how ?

No – I don’t have that magic pill or want to make everything right instantly. All I did is listen, and still listen deeply and whole heartily, and hold the space for him to outpour, reflect upon his words. And he found his 1st insights – his WHY in pursuing this profession.

When life get difficult, as we all know life is not a bed of roses, how can you pick up yourself up and move forward.

• BE clear on your values (this is your inner compass of your life)

• your WHY,

• And stay focus on your “goal”.

(remember your goal has to be aligned to your values)

His 2nd insight – gratitude.

Most of us probably know the importance of gratitude but how many of us truly practice it diligently Or rather know the significance of Gratitude.

Gratitude, is the expression of appreciation for what one has. It is a recognition of value independent of monetary worth.

In order to be grateful, there must be something good in our life for us to be thankful, to show appreciation for. Henceforth, gratitude is spontaneously generated from within, it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth.

But do you also know that gratitude can be cultivated deliberately. Studies show that making conscious efforts to count one’s blessings. It is possible to feel grateful for loved ones, colleagues, animals, nature, and life in general. With brain scans, it has shown that gratitude has a lasting impact on the prefrontal cortex that heighten sensitivity to future experiences of gratitude.

In fact, psychologists have also find that, over time, feeling grateful boosts happiness and fosters both physical and psychological health, even among those already struggling with mental health problems.

When we practice gratitude , it curbs the use of words expressing negative emotions and shifts inner attention away from those negative emotions such as resentment and envy, minimizing the possibility of ruminating, which is a hallmark of depression.

People who are grateful feel less pain, less stress, suffer insomnia less, have stronger immune systems, experience healthier relationships, and do better academically and professionally. Overall it can boost both your mental and your physical health.

Grateful people are indeed less likely to have mental health problems like depression. One study found that a gratitude intervention was successful in reducing negative affect and increasing mental resilience in a group of older adults.

My invitation to you today is find your motivation as above and know if you are able to tag into your gratitude (if only you allow yourself to), a cup of tea, even the rain that waters the plants, trees, forest, the beautiful sound it gives out, the rainbow after the rain. And there are many more, when you open your heart to see, hear, and feel the things and the people around you to be grateful for and feel the warmth from within.

Choice within YOU!

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Fri, 14 May 2021 18:50:31 GMT

Where is Your Power of Choice

“Who is Timothy?” someone asked when he saw a recent birthday post. “ My son” I replied, so the conversation continues.

“How’s he doing? Military services? Uni?” the next question..

“We don’t know, not up to us to decide, have to return over the summer after his A level and see what happened “ I said.

How does this conversation sound to you? Helpless, not having a choice? Someone else is in-charge of your life?

The word choice in accordance to the Cambridge English Dictionary defines it as an act of choosing between two or more possibilities.

Yet many of us have the tendency to say – I don’t have the choice in this matter, situation, and ended up resentment the situation that we are in, or feeling stuck, helpless because we find ourselves in a situation which is not our ideal or desirable state.

This is so common that I have to confess that I was, or rather definitely been feeling this way for far too many years

2 decades in the banking sectors with the top-tier banks like JPMorgan, Credit Suisse and Deutsche. I still feel some sort of regrets, what if things have been different as in I am not constrained with the fact that I am a single mum ( I need to put the boys’ needs before my passions/dreams) – I can’t travel, I can’t this, I can’t that….

As I looked back behind the scene, I realised there have been many decision points in my life that I unconsciously made that “decision”, choosing my boys, my marriage before myself, and feeling frustrated that I can’t pursue my career. Why am I the one who has to give it all up? Sense of unfairness…

But do you know that your choices are very much in alignment to your values & beliefs, it is only a matter of whether you are in awareness of it.

Many a times, in our life when we come to the crossway and when we don’t know what’s the next step. How did we decide? Based on the pros and cons? Or you ask yourself what is the underlying value that I am actually fulfilling because I learnt in every situation, we live according to our values although it might be in conflicts… eg which jobs should I choose ?

How about your beliefs?

In this case, upon deeper reflections, I realised although it appeared that the decision is taken out of my hands. I do have a choice and the choice I choose is to obey the statutory law. Not only it is the law, more importantly it is my belief that as a citizen it is only our duty to serve country, if everyone simply choose themselves over their country then who will serve our country.

Saying that, I do have to confess that if this has been 30 years ago, I would probably agree that I have no choice because I don’t want my son to give away 2 years of his time yet have to accept that it is inevitable of course unless he is prepared to go to prison for going against the law.

And remember “I f you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. ” – Neil Peart and that is the choice of giving up making the decision

Our beliefs drive us to make that choice in our life, aware or unaware because belief is deep rooted and if we are not “careful” – the choice will become unconscious, and we are likely to end up blaming fate, asking why we have to be in the situation. In this case, why do we need to have national services.

As a rule of thumb, we perceive other people or external events to be the situations in our life and our happiness, unhappiness, success or failure as the results (The Effects).

As human beings, we tend to see the world in terms of Cause & Effect Equations – implies one thing leads to another or causes another.

If we make an attempt to slow down the process we can see that there is an additional stage to this process ie our reaction to what happens to us.

“ Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom ” Viktor Frankl

He was put through some of the most horrific struggles a human being could image. But he never lost hope, and used his experiences to continue his work helping other people find meaning in their lives. Frankl’s story is one of strength, of hope, and of a man who made an impact on the world.

His parents, his brother and his wife died one after another either in the camps or gas cabinet. Except for his sister, his entire family perished, Frankl himself suffered torture and innumerable indignities, never knowing from one moment to the next if his path would lead to the gas oven or if he would be among the “saved” who would remove the bodies or shovel out the ashes of those so fated.

One day, naked and alone in a small room, he began to become aware of what he later called ‘the last of the human freedoms’ – the freedom his Nazi captors could not take away. They could control his entire environment, they could do what they wanted to his body (physic), but Frankl himself was a self-aware being who look as an observer at his very own involvement. His basic identity was intact. He could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him, or the stimulus; and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response.

The good news is we can break down our reactions further into 2 parts – our seemingly automatic emotional reaction to what happens, and the actions we choose to take in response to that emotional reaction which we can call as “choice”

In other words, the easiest place to interrupt, inhibit and/or restrict of our habitual, automatic emotional reaction is before we act (response). We can do this most easily by shutting down or system: no thinking, no speaking, no doing. Instead, take a deep breath. Focus on your heart. Bite your lips. If you like, count to ten.

It is only when we are aware of that power within us, we are able to make the wise choice

“ I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become “ Carl Jung

Find your Inner Power to Choose

My Story of "Clean"

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Thu, 15 Apr 2021 08:04:18 GMT

Where should I start or rather how far back should I begin….

In Apr 2017, the Holy Week begins so is the nightmare that never leaves me. The fateful Monday where I got home, supposedly to bring my son to see a GP for the severe headache he had that afternoon (based upon a message from my younger son) – did not materialise as he was already lying unconscious on the floor that late afternoon 5:30pm. But nothing would prepare me for what is to come…

Fast forward, a year later in 2018 , I took my redundancy and left the corporate world where I had been of over 2 decades, leaving behind my comfort zone of good pay and security which has always been the motto of my life.

I finally stepped into my calling ( to live this legacy for myself and my son) and ventured into coaching. Being amateur with no advises from my coach then at that time, I chose performance coaching to begin this journey. There, I discovered sky is the limit, and my calling – to be able to help others to uncover their own authentic journey and be truth to themselves. Hence, I done my 2nd qualification in NLP

In NLP, my mind was blown away with the power of the subconscious mind. I started to study and explore further into the mind, the brain (because my son died from haemorrhage). NLP has also open me to the doors of hypnosis, metaphors where I fell in love with. This took me to my current 3rd journey

Clean Language (CL) – I saw the power of metaphors again and again during my coaching and found that CL can be used effectively in Coaching as well as Therapy

The constant question where do I go: Coaching or Therapy especially both my NLP trainers were adamant that I am gifted and I would be a greater therapist than just a transformation coach as I would be able to serve more people. However, I know I am not ready to face clients especially one who is still nursing her own pain. Tears welled up my eyes just the thought of Nathaniel.

I have no word of comfort for those like me because I don’t have one myself. I do not understand why he must suffer so much in his short life-span and suffered again on that day and collapse from the pain/burst of his blood vessels (from the mouth of my 14 years old son who was the last to see him suffering – yelling in pain due to the burst of the blood vessels). I wasn’t with him in his last awakening hours – maybe God wants to space me that painful, helpless state but my younger son has to bear that for the rest of his life as he was the last to see him conscious and he blamed himself for not knowing earlier….

With Metaphor and CL, I know I finally found the answer – the answer within.

Clean Language is a method developed by David Grove to dialogue with a client's symbolic representations and metaphoric expressions.

Clean Language is ‘clean’ because it keeps the facilitator from unwittingly introducing their metaphors, assumptions or suggestions into a conversation (no matter how well meaning these may be). Clean questions encourage metaphors, ideas, self-reflections and ah-ha’s to crystallise in awareness. When personal change is the goal, Clean Language invites a client's perceptions to evolve and change organically — one question at a time.

Because of its ability to respectfully invite clients to attend to particular aspects of their inner world, Clean Language influences the direction of a client’s mind-body-spirit process – without contaminating the content of their experience.

A metaphor is a figure of speech that describes something by saying something else. It's not actually true yet it gives the reader a clearer idea of what it is like. Examples : She's walking a tightrope with her grades this semester, Laughter is the music of the soul and many more.

The word Metaphor comes from the combination of two Greek words ie ’meta’ which means to go above and beyond and ‘phor’ which means to carry.

A metaphor therefore is any comment, story or communication that carries a person from where they are to where they want to be

Like many parents, when our child left us in such a sudden manner, there is this deep hole within us that is somehow always empty. For people especially like myself who is generally restless– I guess I asked more questions, wonder more, where all these lead.

Many like to ask how did I manage my grieve – the truth is I am still in my process – how do I reconcile with the fact that he is gone, with one day of his happy, cheerful self, the next he is lying there on the floor, in fact the very same day as I was told from the doctor, that’s it.

I found out over the years, that we, as parents all suffered immense guilt when our children died before us, whatever the circumstances that is. I spent my initial hours, days, weeks, months and now years asking why.

Still I have no answers, and I might never have an answer just like what the neurologist said, it just happened and when it does, there is nothing anyone can do.

But I am still alive, living in this world. How do I face the rest of my life knowing the unknown. How important is it to know the why then or even now, can I bring him back to life.

If you have ever loved a child, then you understand what it’s like to love someone more than you love life itself. If you have ever lost a child, then you understand more about hell than anyone could possibly be expected to know. This isn’t something you get over, Only those who have lost a child can understand the depths to which this pain travels.

I know I am not alone, for each one of us is unique in our journey because it is our journey with our child, 一点一滴, nothing can replace our relationship with our child.

Now, I realised I need to find it all within me because no one has my journey, my experience other than myself especially the one I have with Nathaniel (not had because to me he is right there with me, not gone). It is probably not an one-off clean session and will take time, just like my life.

As I travel in this journey of mine, I want to encourage those like myself not to drown in the sorrows of losing their child as I have seen many – and it is heart-breaking…

The use of ‘Clean’ open up this bridge to fill this gap – to find that “answer” deep within me, and this is my new journey. (Clean Language is not only used for resolving wounds & hurts - as I find it less invasive than the many who want to "fix/help" to get over my pains, it is very much used in facilitating positive outcomes as I uncover in my training . .)

My wish is for you to find this special place of comfort that belongs only to you and your child, and have that special memory in your heart your thoughts, your mind, your consciousness. Remembrance! He is physically gone from me, yet I know he is always with me forever just as your child is living with you for your rest of your life. He is part of me, the very moment I conceived him and nothing will ever change, death or life…

Fear Series #2

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Fri, 12 Mar 2021 14:17:32 GMT

Imposter Syndrome / The Gifts of Imperfections

“ I need to be extremely confident…”

“ Oh, I am not good enough, my colleagues are much better than me ..”

“ I can’t switch off, I have so much to do”

“ Let me send off that email before I switch off for the night..” , the constant need to prove yourself… to justify whatever you are doing, praise is difficult to accept, someone else is always better.

Sound familiar ?

The feeling you are not good enough, never good enough, or even kind of feel like a fraud, like you don’t belong, or you only got there by dumb luck.

And do you know that this ‘feeling’ or ‘thought’ can affect anyone regardless of their gender, social status, education or work background, etc.

Imposter syndrome: an internal fear of being a fraud, no matter how successful and accomplished you appear on the outside. Imposter syndrome is not a diagnosable psychiatric disorder, but a cluster of symptoms that add up to a life not truly lived at its fullest. It makes a person doubt their own accomplishments, and more often than not they have a persistent worry about being exposed as a fake.

Imposter syndrome causes people to doubt their achievements and fear that others will expose them as fraudulent. The condition can affect anyone, regardless of their job or social status. The term that was first used by psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s. When the concept was introduced, it was originally thought to apply mostly to high-achieving women. Since then, it has been recognized as being more widely experienced. Although I have to admit I have seen many such behaviours especially in women and I would definitely include myself as one of them. For years, I didn’t realise there was this ‘I don’t count’ eating away at my inner being. There was a constant need to prove myself, I was ambitious, I wanted to be successful, to be the top of the game. So naturally, the corporate world was where I headed.

Some of the common signs we see :

1 Self-doubt : The constant doubting of your abilities, even in the face of all the evidence

2. Excessive Work - over-preparing and overworking , not able to switch off.

3 Attributing your success to external factors.

4 Berating your own performance.

5 Fear that you won't live up to expectations.

6 Overachieving.

7 Perfectionism : the need to do it the perfect way.

8 Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short.

Do you recognise any of these ?

SO where do all these originated from?

From studies and the experience of psychotherapists, it is not surprising to find that many of these symptoms have their roots far back in our childhood.

There is a long-standing discussion of whether nature vs nurture makes a difference. In this case, fortunately or unfortunately both derived the same results. Children in their earlier years, pre-school or early school days, have no praise, attention given or acknowledgement. Times, when the child is scolded or mocked for doing or not doing something according to their teachers, caretakers or parents’ rigorous standards, or worse to have their efforts ignored.

When you don’t receive adequate praise and encouragement from caregivers, you can end up internalising a negative view of your achievements and believe you have to work super-hard and super-long to impress those around you. In essence, you believe you are not enough. This was definitely one of my traits for decades, as I strove to excel in my academic studies for that acknowledgment from my mum and I have seen many of my coaching clients who ‘needed’ to get that distinction grade otherwise they just felt paralysed.

How to overcome this:

1. Awareness - all things in life start from knowing. There is well-known competencies cycle that says, only when we are conscious of what we do not know then we can take the steps to learn, in this case to combat.

2. Acknowledge your self-doubt, your need for perfection, the constant need to be better, to prove we are good.

3. Let it out. Share your thoughts and Fears . There is a saying, once we say it out loud, it no longer counts. Try it! And you will be surprised that you are not the only one!

4. Reconsider your perception – separate feelings from actions. You are not your behaviour!

5. Practice self acceptance – success does not mean perfection. We do not need to be extremely confident/perfect in order to be successful in our job or business.

6. Refrain from comparison – learn to accept compliments gracefully

7. Celebrate your accomplishments – You are good! Otherwise you wouldn't be where you are now. Put it in writing and surprise yourself!

8. Reframe your Thoughts - instead of thinking, “I don’t know”, tell yourself “Everyone who starts something new feels off-base in the beginning. I may not know all the answers but I’m smart enough to find them out.” Instead of looking around the room and thinking, “Oh my God everyone here is brilliant…. and I’m not” go with “Wow, everyone here is brilliant – I’m really going to learn a lot!”

9. Visualise Success – Do what the professional athletes do. Spend time beforehand picturing yourself making a successful presentation or calmly posing your question in class. It sure beats picturing impending disaster and will help with performance-related stress.

Have a go at the above and drop me a line to tell me which ones work the best for you. Or join me in my workshops where I will cover some of the techniques in more detail. Subscribe now to receive my regular newsletter with articles and full details of all upcoming workshops and events direct to your mailbox:

Fear Series - #1

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 20:06:03 GMT

Fear Series I

Fear is one of the seven universal emotions experienced by everyone around the world. Fear arises with the threat of harm, either physical , emotional, or psychological, real or imagined. While traditionally considered a “negative” emotion, fear actually serves an important role in keeping us safe as it mobilizes us to cope with potential danger.

Fear, however also causes physiological changes and ultimately behavioural changes, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events.

With this in mind, I would like to cover a series of fear behaviours we see in ourselves and many around us when we are observant, and how we can learn to recognise, acknowledge and overcome our fears.

Rejection (today post)

Imposter Syndrome

Stepping out of comfort zone

I am not good enough, self doubt

How I am perceived

Many more…

“You can ask anyone for anything if you don’t buy into your thinking about what it would mean if they said ‘no’ ”

Michael Neill.

What a profound saying !

Easier said than done, wouldn't you say so? How am I do that?

Slow down. Read on as it is true, very true as pondered deeply about the words quoted above.

The moment we are able to accept ‘no’ for an answer or response, no matter how dramatically that ‘no’ may be delivered then we are no longer held captive, paralysed by fear of the word ‘NO’, a word that we heard often when we were young, a word that comes so naturally to us, way beyond our memories.

Just look at a child, when they are young (before we conditioned them with shame, embarrassment, etc), they behave as if they so choose, they can conquer the world!

In fact, "NO' is one of the very early words we all learnt.

The more comfortable you are with the ‘no' the less likely you are to get caught in a sort of ‘post traumatic stress disorder’ of the mind, walking on eggshells and becoming more and more afraid to ask for what you want.

Do you also know when you no longer have the fear of ‘no’, you are literally free to ask for anything you want.

Now, let’s have a deeper look into why people say no to us, is it really a rejection of our offer or there is more behind this NO?

Have you come across some people who simply walk away in fear of what you have to say to them. The fear, or insecurity that you may talk them into thinking about something they don’t want to think about or doing something they don’t want to do. This could be because of:

- a lack of information or understanding about how what you’re asking will be of benefit to them, either directly or indirectly

- a genuine knowing on their part that they don’t want to be, or have what you’re requesting

Have you noticed, none of these have anything to do with you as a person. If their ‘no’ is coming from their own fear, that’s about their thinking and level of consciousness, not you or your external request.

If it’s lack of information or understanding, it's still impersonal – and it is entirely up to you whether or not to continue until they have enough information or understanding to make an informed decision.

If they are saying no because they simply do not want to, then again it is not a reflection on you.

Personally, I have reached a point where I realise that I much prefer a clear yes or no, even though I can still be taken aback, or become a little upset at times. You see, when we ask or make a request even among friends or family, we have the tendency to put ourselves, our self-image or self esteem on the line along with whatever it is we are asking.

Ways to overcome the feeling of Rejection

1. Notice whether the attention is on yourself or the other person - b ecause if it is on you, that self directed self conscious thinking will create a fear or discomfort

2. Impersonalise the Ask - Turn the light on the other person – whatever you are asking is beneficial and serving them. The discomfort will disappear and you will find it surprisingly easy to ask

Let’s try an experiment…

Ask 10 people - 5 friends/family and 5 strangers with the objective of receiving 'NO' as an answer. See how you feel and what is going on in your thoughts (remember to apply the 2 principles).

I would love to hear your feedback – drop me a line, let me know how successful/unsuccessful you have been.

All the best!

Begin with the end in Mind

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 13:21:14 GMT

Reflections of 2020

I was not particularly good in putting down my goals, reflecting upon how my year had gone because I used to find that year end is just another day, another date. More important, I thought, is how I need to live my life every day.

Actually, there was an underlying fear – fear of dreaming big or of telling anyone of my goal because if I don’t achieve it, it will be so embarrassing ...

But now I realise, I got it all wrong ...

There is nothing wrong in setting goals, it is how you set your goal. “Begin with the End in Mind” (habit #2 from Stephen Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people) is a phrase which I particularly love because I finally learn that if we do not have a destination, we can easily just flow along with the goals of others since we do not have a clear understanding of where we want to head, so how can we take steps in the right direction.

In the picture, the golfer knows where he needs to swing his club to hit his goal as he has a clear intention - to ensure that he aims towards the final destination. Even though there will be obstacles along the way, he starts on track, he stays focused, knowing where he is going.

It is incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busyness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy – very busy, without being particularly effective.

I am not saying that year-end must be a time to reflect and the new year must be a time to set goals for the coming year; rather it is a good prompter, a time to check-in on where you are now with your destination and what have you learnt in this journey of yours.

There is a saying that there is no unresourceful person, only an unresourceful state. In the past, I have totally mixed up the state and the person, the behaviour with the person. When we have the right state of mind, regardless of our environment, we feel different, we see things differently and people will respond to us differently....

For me personally, 2020 is a year of achievements and accomplishments and it is not until now that I reflect upon my year that I fully realised.

- I qualified as Performance Coach with a distinction after over 12 months of hard work.

- I qualified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) after months of pains, as it was not just a qualification, a training, a learning, it was a very personal walk of my life, my healing, my courage to step into myself.

- I found Clean Language, the beginning of another journey (look out for my next article on my story of Clean – be prepared to come with lots of tissues) as it is written with lots of tears, with sharp arrows piercing into my heart.

This is also the year that I started my coaching business, and what does that mean? I moved from pro bono coaching where I bear the cost, to having clients to bear part of the cost of working with me, for appreciating their journey of self discovery…

Reflecting back, I noted that there are many dips this year

- Cov19 means my NLP training could not proceed due to the lockdown and it was postponed for a couple of months, eventually being taken online. Meanwhile, I was told that I need to sort out my emotions as in to seek professional help otherwise I would not be allowed to resume my training for I may not be in the right state of mind to handle the training (dealing of past emotions)

- My paperwork for my Performance coaching diploma had to be re-worked as I realised I had just jotted down thoughts of each of my coaching session then without much structure. What I learned from this was to be more organised and structured, especially in terms of ICF core competencies and be crystal clear on my ongoing development.

After all the ‘hard work’ and ‘hardships’, I qualified with distinction for my coaching, and further recognitions by my NLP trainers.

Now, I found that there is another world out there in which to establish myself as a professional coach (to make a living out of it). This round, the dip is much bigger because it is no longer only about working hard and being true to myself, it’s about overcoming my weaknesses, my dislikes, stepping out of my comfort zone, including making use of social media and being consistent and structured with making posts and other networking activities.

My destination is clear – I want to be amongst the top 100 coaches of the world. What does that mean? The recognition is important otherwise it will just be a qualification with no real impact. How can I make an impact if no one knows of my work. How can I truly make that difference in more peoples’ lives and help them to live a life that belongs to them, to be true to themselves, to have the courage to be authentic, living a fruitful life and to fully evolve into the whole person they are meant to be.

This seem like an impossible dream for a newly starting coach, especially with the challenges I have on hand – cov19, constant lockdown, away from my homeland (Singapore) in a small town in North Wales, UK, how bad can it get.

Yet, I know I am living in alignment to my values, my calling because I am walking the truth, I can feel it from the bottom of my heart, my soul. And in the many testimonials given by my clients, I have been told again and again that they can feel the connection, the authenticity and depth of the conversation with me. Through it, their new journey begins.

When your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take just gets you to the wrong place faster.

How different your life will be when you really know what is deeply important to you, and keeping that picture in mind, you will manage yourself each day to be and to do what really matters most.

If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you at your funeral, you will find your destination.

For I have been there (unfortunately, it wasn’t mine but my child). Times may be tough but I am clear where I am heading and why I am doing what I am doing. To live a life of legacy for Nathaniel, to live in truth to myself, in accordance to my values. And this is a journey, when the wind gets strong, I will adjust my sails or slow down but not stop for I am heading towards my destination.

And when I walked this truth myself, time will tell and others will see that in me.

Decide where you want to go from here….

Begin your journey with the End in Your Mind…

Your Reality is a Construct

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 17:40:19 GMT

The map is not my territory

Have you ever stopped to question the nature of your reality?

The world you experience feels vivid and tangible, yet how often have you found yourself misunderstood—your carefully crafted message lost, as if the other person simply couldn’t hear you?

What you may not realize is that your reality is uniquely shaped by your perceptions, beliefs, and memories. Every interaction and decision passes through this personal lens—your mental construct of reality.

But what if that construct isn’t as solid as it seems? Could rethinking it change everything?

This concept stems from Alfred Korzybski’s seminal work, Science and Sanity. He illustrates this with a simple analogy: imagine a map of the UK’s roads, where motorways are marked in blue. In reality, those roads are black tarmac. The map isn’t the territory—it’s a symbolic representation, much like our interpretations of reality.

What Korsybski was referring is to the fact we experience the world through our senses (sight, hearing, touching, smell and taste) – the territory.

You then take this external phenomenon and make an internal representation of it within your brain – the map.

This internal map you create of the external world, shaped by your perceptions, is never an exact replica. In other words, what is outside can never be the same as what is inside your brain.

You see, our senses, beliefs and past experience give us a map of the world from which we operate in. But our map can never be completely accurate.

Let me tell you this story of mine...

One day, I went into a fish & chips shop and was asked to fill in a short form about the quality, service and value for money of the food. The 2 women at the counter were apparently very upset that the man just before me had declined the survey, quite rudely to fill the form.

I then asked the ladies if they have considered how the poor man might have felt if he was illiterate and was rude because he was embarrassed.

The change in the two ladies were phenomenal. ‘Oh, I never even thought about that, gasped one. Their demeanour changed immediately from one of anger and resentment to one of deep sympathy. They also felt much better in themselves and were able to let of all the negative feelings they had been holding onto.

It is easy to see from this scenario, in real life, we tend to project our assumption (our reality) onto the situation, but the reality might not be what we have perceived.

People respond according to the map of their world, for it is their reality.

It is not my past that makes who I am but how I respond to it

Reality isn't something you perceive; it's something you create in your mind. Isaac Lidsky learned this profound lesson firsthand, when unexpected life circumstances yielded valuable insights. In this introspective, personal talk, he challenges us to let go of excuses, assumptions and fears, and accept the awesome responsibility of being the creators of our own reality.

Therefore, truly, your reality is an illusion of your mind. It is your mental construct, which you use to add meaning and structure to your life and identity. Thus, the illusion of reality becomes the reality in the human mind, while the reality that originally induced it remains completely or mostly unknown.

All our experiences—all our perceptions, sensations, dreams, thoughts and feelings—are forms appearing in consciousness. It doesn't always seem that way. When I see a tree it seems as if I am seeing the tree directly. But science tells us something completely different is happening. Light entering the eye triggers chemical reactions in the retina, these produce electro-chemical impulses which travel along nerve fibers to the brain. The brain analyses the data it receives, and then creates its own picture of what is out there. I then have the experience of seeing a tree. But what I am actually experiencing is not the tree itself, only the image that appears in the mind. This is true of everything I experience. Everything we know, perceive, and imagine, every color, sound, sensation, every thought and every feeling, is a form appearing in the mind. It is all an in-forming of consciousness.

This is actually why when we all see that same tree yet we are very likely to describe it quite differently for the reality is not the tree but how we see it based on our values, beliefs and experience.

The same applies to the language we use to describe what is going on within us. The words we use might be not the event or the item they represent but an approximation of it. Although the words we use to describe an event are chosen to represent the event, the words themselves are not the actual event itself.

Do you know that when we are unable to put a word to a situation eg naming the colours we can unable to register it in our mind. This has been proven scientifically using an experiment with a tribe in Africa where there is no word in “blue” in African languages hence they are unable to capture that image fully into their brain. On the other hand, their vocabulary allows them to name many different shades of green so they are able to tell what they see. This has only proven that with the language ability, our mind expands, register and works differently from an image that we are unable to name.

Have you ever encountered something you couldn’t quite label—a situation or object that defied your understanding? Compare that to something you can easily define. Notice the difference? The way we label and interpret the world is always through language that then shapes our emotions and reactions.

When you master the art of constructing your own “map,” you gain the ability to bend your reality.

To truly connect or negotiate with someone, you must understand their constructed reality, which is inherently different from yours. Seeing the world through their eyes, hearing it through their ears, and feeling it through their perspective builds trust and opens the door to powerful communication.

How much do you understand your own reality?

When you are able to fully embrace this perspective of perception, you unlock a tool that transforms how you relate to others.

Is it time to explore your reality—and others? Let's speak

Vulnerability

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Mon, 26 Oct 2020 09:58:59 GMT

Embrace your Vulnerability

For years, I see vulnerability as something shameful, unacceptable, weaknesses. And I spent years hiding behind my mask because I thought I need to be appeared strong, so people will look up to me.

In writing this article, I thought I will google what is the definition of Vulnerable.

Not sure this is expected or shocked. In according to Cambridge English Dictionary, vulnerability is the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally:

Wow, what a strong negative word – attacked, harmed physically or emotionally

If our society sees vulnerability as the state of being exposed to being attacked or harmed it is no surprise that no one will want to be vulnerable or appear vulnerable. I definitely would not want to be in the position of being attacked or harmed, physically or emotionally. Anyone?

Nearly 50 now, I realised, there is no shame in truly showing up as my Real self and that includes my weakness because perfectionism does not exist at all. Only when we show up as ourselves, this can be truly align with our integrity, our true authentic self.

Vulnerability has such a horrible definition in our dictionary and the very opposite said that it is safe, secure, protected, shielded, immune, resistant, unstoppable, bulletproof, impassable…..

Suddenly it dawned on me, whether we have ever search for this word in a dictionary, we have indeed behave in every way possible, not to have any association with “vulnerability” as we want to be safe, protected, shielded, ….. you get the picture.

However, in my journey of finding myself. I realised the opposite is the real truth ie only when I am vulnerable, I am strong.

The real courage is where we are able to shed off that mask that we built up over the many years as we learnt since we are a child. RThere are many conditions of the world what is acceptable vs what is not acceptable, what is so called right vs wrong. Gradually, we forget the true meaning of integrity and we began to flow with this world and show up as expected.

How many of us here is able to say that he/she is able to show up authentically with no vulnerability in them

Let’s take a a look at those beautiful fashion models, they are so slim and beautiful, elegant and they are literally perfect. But we know they are far from perfect, and we hear it in the news all the time how they have maintain that image of beauty and perfection. And we also know how much they ‘paid’ to maintain this image - the extreme strict diet where it does not even allow them to eat properly and hence damaging their health, the perfection creates the imposter syndrome, drug addiction and so on.

If everyone is only showing their strong self because there is no weakness. How perfect our world will be or should I say – should be.

During a recent coaching session, I gave this metaphor to my client where I “brought” her to a beautiful place in connection with the nature where there is a Stonehouse and beautiful sunlight. Upon my clean questioning, she realised that she holds the key to the house ie herself and it is her decision and no one else whether she wants to let the light into the stone house, symbolising removing of her fears ie the darkness. This is only a very simple illustration – what I want to say is many a times, we do hold the key to all the questions, it is only whether we allow ourselves to be fully presence – to show up as ourselves, not constantly worrying that someone would be upset or offended with our incompliant to their wishes…

I learnt it is not my courage/strength but my real, sincere self that draw people to me -underneath if we are genuine and sincere, people will see it and connect with that sincerity. They see in me, my authenticity that includes my vulnerability and probably strength and resilience which I never for a moment thought I have until ….

I noticed we tend to be our own worst critics, we always look at another saying how beautiful, strong, intelligence, kind, etc yet we don’t use those same powerful words on ourselves. WHY?

This brings back a recent incident to my mind, I posted in FB in Sep commentated my son’s 20th Birthday. An old friend replied, apologising to me that she was heart broken when she first heard about my son’s sudden passing but she didn’t know how to comfort me so she avoided me.

I was so shocked in that short little message – because in that short message, we connected. I know she no longer rejects me and in fact she feel for me just that it is so difficult to show her care and concern. And I truly understand because I was once in that position.

This is a very simple message yet it is so powerful – we are connected because we are not showing our intelligence, strength. It is just a simply heart-warming love and care, and acknowledging she is sorry because she didn’t know what to do or say.

Emotion is so much part of us, yet we learnt from young, very young - it is not right to show it, and no one likes to see your weakness/vulnerability.

“Vulnerability” holds a very special place in my heart in my own journey of self discovery, it is also very much my children. I saw and unfortunately realised years later – the impact of vulnerability on my younger son. How he chose to lock himself away because he finds that this is not an acceptable traits around the adults (due to the treatment of his elder brother).

This word “vulnerability” has brought me and my children so much pains hence this is a very personal article which I struggled to write for a while.

Can’t remember where I saw this quote, it said : “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”

Do you agree?

At the heart of authenticity and strength, is the ability to truly show up, show up as who we are and that includes our flaw because no one is perfect.

Do I, do we, does each of us has the courage to show up as your full authentic self and that means our vulnerability

So can I truly differentiate vulnerability from the word courage.

The more I search and I dig, I keep coming back to this word – courage, courage to show up as my full authentic self.

Why do I need to hid behind my mask.

This I realised when I search for the meaning – when we change the Word, we change our mind. This is another short post on the power of words in our mind (if you have a few moment to read and the video

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/aries-yeo-180a30a_change-your-mind-change-your-words-change-activity-6725341115886661632-pi0f

Because we associated vulnerability to exposure to dangers, to harm. We naturally shy away from it as it is our natural instinct.

If each one of us, disassociated with the exposure to harm and associated this word to courage and strength.

Do you still need to hide, or you can now show up as who you are.

In my journey of search and the number of people I coached, I found the more we stepped into ourselves, the greater the strength we have within us , to be the real You.

We no longer need to live under another shadow, or values that is us, because that only made us more unhappy, and the weaker we become.

Quoting Brene Brown’s words from the book of Dare to lead, she mentioned 4 core skills to master

• Rumbling with Vulnerability

• Living with our values

• Braving Trust

• Learning to Rise

I can’t agree more although her context was more on leadership. I think this is very relevant to everyone, because we all have values, we generally shy from vulnerability unless one finds advantages to show up as vulnerable (that is a separate topic that we have to explore another day).

We can’t truly separate the vulnerability from us as it is in each one of us and to be able to show up fully, we need courage and strength. It is kind of all bundle together, for you can’t do one without another. It’s simply the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.

Take it this way, in all your courage and boldness you shown up, are there no vulnerability within you or it is just hidden somewhere.

Don’t you just need the guts to show your vulnerability and to do that, isn’t courage part of that equation!

Living with Values, our North Star, when we are fully aligned with our core values, we have the strength to live an authentic life because we know who we are, and where we are heading. This implies a self awareness (a trait of Emotional Intelligence)… when we know our emotions, recognise it as it happens, we managed it better.

The more we tried to hide/ bury that feeling/emotion, the more it will come back to haunt us because if we are honest with ourselves, we found that only when we acknowledge this emotion that stir up within us, the better we handle it. This in turn, also allow us to recognise the emotions in others (empathy) and handle relationship with others better. To sum it up, it is all interconnected.

This also gives us the strength to brave the challenges ahead and navigate through the thick fog as there is a compass on hand. As we know we no longer want to live a life that is not us.

This gives us courage to trust ourselves to do what is in our heart and gradually to rise as who you are, and live a fulfilled life. A life ….that you are called to…. And fulfilled your very purpose. Be authentic and embrace your 'vulnerability'.

Personal Boundary

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 10:43:28 GMT

Honour Yourself

In my younger days or rather practically in all my life, I was constantly trying to be a pleaser, to my parents, to my sisters, friends, workplace especially bosses. In my little vocabulary, there is no such word as personal boundary.

Looking back, I recalled I was rather afraid of my bosses in my earlier career, especially this particular one who was well-known for being a horrible, mean person. She used to shout across the desk to get my attention rather than picking the phone to ask me over, if she doesn’t leave the office, there is an unspoken rule, we can’t go either (even though she is just waiting for her husband to pick her up from work), she likes to make unreasonable demands, or even calling a meeting at 7pm if she happens to leave office late. There was this younger colleague of mine who passed the remarks that I have the tolerance level of the building we were working in while hers was the desk. Honestly, I am not sure that is a good compliment because after 18months (my inner volcano erupted), I quit my job.

For it simply did not occurred to me that I have a choice, I am able to speak if I choose to. One of the common misconceptions when it comes to honouring our boundaries is believing other people will be upset when we do. We thought they won’t like us anymore or they’ll be unhappy that we don’t submit to their wants and needs as we may have done in the past.

Sound familiar ?

Have you ever chosen not to speak up for yourself simply because you didn’t think it was an option? Have I the courage to speak up to my boss, she might realise that she needs to be mindful of her behaviour towards her subordinates (as we are not her slaves or otherwise). The only thing is I heard from quite others a few others – after she was made redundant due to the financial crisis in 2008 (I think) and joined another bank subsequently, she became a changed person.

This has taught me so many lessons, never ever allow anyone to disrespect me and cross my personal boundary because you lose your own self-respect. Also, there will come a point where you are no longer able to withstand either the verbal abuse or overload, whatever that could be. We have a mental breakdown or I called it the volcano eruption. But this is at what expenses to us!

Honouring your personal boundaries isn’t only about not letting others walk all over you or violate your personal space; it’s about protecting yourself so that you can’t emotionally drained or be taken advantage of.

When you don’t honour yourself, your happiness (your sense of self worth) gradually erodes over time without you even realising it . It slowly fades away and you become more and more jaded.

Personal Boundaries are directly related to the level of respect you have for yourself. The more you respect yourself, the more you’ll be able to honour your path even if others disagree with you. When someone does not agree with us, it does not mean that they do not respect us, it is just we have different views or opinions about certain ideas or situation, and this is where we learnt to negotiate / evaluate what is the best way forward. We never know, it could end up being a win/win situation. Also, simply giving in without voicing our opinion is never the best way forward.

This is especially common among women as most not know how to stand up for themselves and ask for what they want or deserve. They always though so long I work hard and put in the efforts, my bosses will recognise it. This is not only in the work place, this is unfortunately very evidenced in the home environment too – we often hear the mothers are taken for granted – she is like a 24 hours by 7 personal maid, assistant in the house especially if she does not have a full time job or worse she has a full-time job and she felt guilty that she can’t be there all the time for her children so … she made it up to them by being available at all cost!

Have you thought about that overwhelm within you, the “resentment” you have at times with life, or people.

Much of life’s resentments come from the inability or choice to not honour our boundaries. The more we choose not to stand up or speak up for ourselves, the more resentful we feel towards others.

We assume that other people know what we want, since we have been colleagues a long time, family members, then wait for them to accommodate us in some way. This is especially prevalent in familiar or intimate relationship.

How often have others thought they knew how you felt, but they were often wrong?

We may know how someone might response to a situation, it does not necessarily mean we know what they are thinking or feeling .

if we chose not to tell the others about how we think or feel, the gap can therefore only be filled by own assumption which is generally not the full truth.

Remember ,

When you honour yourself, you tend to get the results you want in life as opposed to the ones you don’t want. The more your behaviour aligns with your thoughts and feelings, the more authenticity you are putting out into the world. When you are being authentically you, you are less stressed, more motivated, and taking bolder steps to create the outcomes you want. You’re simply happier, and achieving more. Your loved ones will recognise it and they will respect your boundary too!

Just think for a moment, if you have a loved one who does not speak up and always let the others choose for them , don’t you find it difficult to respect/help them because you don’t know either because they don’t tell you.

You see when you are able to make it clear what you will or won’t, which behaviour is acceptable and which is not, others will clearly see what you need for them to do to honour you

You are worthy and deserve respect.

So Why is honouring ourselves so difficult when we know it is important for our well-being.

What is the underlying message that creates this behaviour in us?

It suddenly dawned on me – it’s our need to be like, to be accepted ? And this goes all the way back to our childhood, our little self, how the society conditioned us from young.

As little being, we are constantly seeking our parents, guardian, teachers etc for approval, in our little minds we “perceive” that we need to earn the love otherwise we are not worth it, we start to generalise what they said..

I want to end this note to say – be mindful how we project ourselves to others, especially what we say to ourselves innocently everyday as our words create a very powerful message to our subconscious mind.

Just imagine, if you say to yourselves everyday that you are an interesting, smart, kind person, and begin your day with a wonderful start, observe how your day pen out. And I would invite to share of your observation...

Balance of Life

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 14:25:53 GMT

The flow of life

“ I started crying and couldn’t stop”. Writer and mother of two, Holly Wainwright shared her story in a recent YOU magazine.

Her GP said this to her. “I see a lot of women like you, trying to do it all. You can’t, you know.” She then wanted to punch her in the face, but was crying so hard that she could barely see the GP’s face”……. She said she didn’t want it all. No woman does, it’s a nonsense. She just wanted to live her life, do her job, raise her family and not feel like she was drowning, all the time

Does this sound familiar ?

When I left UK 13 years ago, thinking that I would finally able to live my life with “freedom” ie not having to face the irresponsibility of an ex-husband, have a good career, raise my children single-handedly in Singapore. I was all wrong, when my sibling told me that I cannot burden my mum with caring for my children, so I dumped them straight at the care centres the following Monday upon arriving in Singapore and I was back in office. I struggled so much with my day-to-day, the work demands and caring for my special needs children as a single mum.

Crying has become so much part of my life then, as my children struggled to adjust to the new environment. I also found out that my elder son’s case was a lot more complex than I realised. Next, a spiral of events where I took another 3 years before he was finally diagnosed with a number of conditions. In the meantime, he was ostracised by his cousins, his grandparents, his aunt, etc at home. Life feels so hard that at times it is just not worth living at all.

So, how do we especially as a mother juggle this issue of Balance in our life. When we all know life is not static, it is dynamic. It is a flow, just like the river, never at standstill.

So what does one manage this flow of life.

The issue of balance exists on 2 levels : The underlying quality of life vs The day to day experience

In the big picture, fulfilment is about living a life that is valued, purposeful, and alive. Balance is about choosing a life that is in action, aligned with a compiling vision.

For life is never about evening out everything especially all the pieces in our life carry different weight! There is no static point in life. Life is inherently dynamic and we are constantly balancing.

Think about your own life in the last one year! How has it been like for you?

Balancing is definitely not about slowing down, where some like to think – when I am so overwhelmed, I just need to slow down or do less. Although slowing down may be just the recipe some days. Balance is not about simplifying, although sorting out the pieces, choosing ‘yes’ to some things and ‘no’ to others, may be the ideal way to create the most fulfilling flow. In short, it is not about going faster or slower or to have more or less but rather to have a life-giving ride supported on the rails of a fulfilling life vision.

So what is this balance ?

Have you asked yourself these 2 questions in this sequence?

- Am I living a life that is purposeful, driven, in alignment to my vision/ dreams? What have I focusing on? (Or this is simply too daunting to think about.)

- Why some people seem to be able to have it all?

If you are truly honest with yourselves, you will start to notice why your equilibrium has gone off balance.

5 Keys to the Balance of your Life:

Understand what is important to you
Understand your true priorities
Know your perspective
Align your heart and head
Understand the effects of using the right language

Many people find it difficult to say what they want, what they truly want. In today busy society, there are simply too many responsibilities and distraction from all directions. There are so many aspects of our life – finance, health, relationship, career, spiritual, family to name the core few. We know it is not the same for each one of us in terms of priorities, in terms of satisfaction.

At times, we seem to know, yet that thought quickly vanishes, just as fast as it came into our mind. How can we truly know what we are really seeking – how can we see our own heart?

Have you truly allow yourself time to quieten down your mind to seek that truth within you, or you are simply too busy…

Your values – the stuff that is most important to you – are what motivates you and drive your behaviour at an even deeper level. Are you very clear on your values? !

A common theme is that our fear is stronger than our desire for fulfilment. That fear, which leads to self-sabotage, comes in a variety of guises.

If you are not making choices based on your values, then the effect will be some form oof dissonance. It can be frustration, boredom, indifference, anger, resignation, or persistent justification for a course of action that looks very much like self-betrayal or martyrdom.

Another way of putting it – it is our ultimate and most fulfilling form of expressing and relating. If you are truly living in alignment to your values – it does not mean that life is easy, plain sailing with no challenges but your heart knows and will tell you that you are just right

For if you are not absolutely sure about what you value most, you may be acting in ways that don’t serve you.

What is your perspective ? What is the right perspective ?

Perception is your ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses. Perception is the biggest factor in what makes you who you are. Your perception of any given situation determines the outcome, the way you will act, or behave, and how you feel about things.

“We go inside first, decide what kind of the world we want to experience and then project that world outside making it the truth as we experience it. “ (Helen Schucman, A course in Miracles)

How much awareness you have of your own perception ? And the saying that we do not know our very own blind spots, so we will be lead by we think we see (or rather chose to see/hear/feel).

When you know your values, your perception, do you have the courage to align your heart with your head and live in congruence of who you really are

And use the right language to help you to live a more fulfilled, balance life. For language has a direct influence on our unconscious mind. Hence the importance of stating the positive.

If you are able to be fully honest with yourself then go deep, ask yourself these questions and see where your heart leads you.

Be ready for a new perspective and a change mindset

Be confidence and believe in yourself

Have the courage to rediscover what is truly in your heart and find that strategies to get there

Or you have simply chosen to tolerate, compromise or give up?

Remember, it is never an easy task to get on the track for that equilibrium as life is a flow and knowing you have a choice and living in congruence is that very first step!

Power of Thoughts

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Mon, 14 Sep 2020 12:41:30 GMT

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so

One of the most distinguishing aspects of what it is written to be human is our ability to create, retain and be influenced by the impact of events experienced earlier in our lives.

In other words, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” Shakespeare, Hamlet

Dr Maurice Massey talked about 4 evolutionary periods where we move through from our birth 0-7, 7-14, 12-21 and 21 onwards on how our values/beliefs, memories/ emotions are created and impacted.

1. The Imprint Period. Up to the age of seven, we are like sponges, absorbing everything around us and accepting much of it as true, especially when it comes from our parents. The confusion and blind belief of this period can also lead to the early formation of trauma and other deep problems. The critical thing here is to learn a sense of right and wrong, good and bad. This is a human construction which we nevertheless often assume would exist even if we were not here (which is an indication of how deeply imprinted it has become).

2. The Modeling Period. Between the ages of eight and thirteen, we copy people, often our parents, but also other people. Rather than blind acceptance, we are trying on things like suit of clothes, to see how they feel. We may be much impressed with religion or our teachers. You may remember being particularly influenced by junior school teachers who seemed so knowledgeable—maybe even more so than your parents.

3. The Socialization Period. Between 13 and 21, we are very largely influenced by our peers. As we develop as individuals and look for ways to get away from the earlier programming, we naturally turn to people who seem more like us. Other influences at these ages include the media, especially those parts which seem to resonate with the values of our peer groups.

4. Professional Period. 21years onwards, Here the individual is starting to make their own way in the world an dmy stop associating with friends from the earlier periods and form neew alliances and allegiances. The individual begins to consider their career or profession and becomes increasinglu independent.

Dr Massey defines a Significant Emotional Event as: “an experience that is so mentally arresting that it becomes a catalyst for you to consider, examine, and possibly change your initial values or value system.”

A Significant Emotional Event is therefore an experience (or experiences) that creates an emotional meaning – a belief if you like – which affects us in later life. That emotional meaning could be positive (enjoying a School nativity play as a kid; enjoying public speaking as an adult) or it could be negative (hating a school nativity play as a kid; hating public speaking as an adult).

In most cases, the earliest event to which an unexpressed and unuseful emotion is attached can be a trivial event. Once this event is created as a memory, it can then trigger to which a particular emotion is attached.

These negative influences are referred to as Significant Emotional Events (SEE). They are originally, few in numbers, however, the nature of our unconscious mind is to deal with current situations by initially referring to our past experiences. It will attempt to identify if we have had a similar experience before and if so how we dealt with it.

An event is therefore just an event however it is the emotion we assign to it that personalise it, be it anger, sadness, guilt, and by doing so we give it life within our unconscious mind. This gradually builds up and limits us .

Where most of us have such SEE with us because in the first few years of our life, we absorb with very little distinction and judgement input from the outside world regardless of where it comes from as we were too young to judge what is good / bad.

When you are empowered, you’ll be able to make decision that is right for yourself. In my client’s case, the ability to say no and not feel guilt, the ability to make decision no longer based on the unknown fear of consequences. You’ll take steps to honour yourself at your core, moving you towards a mentally healthier version of yourself.

The coping mechanism we learnt as a child generally do not serve us as an adult. For a child, we figured out how to respond to the world around us so that we could survive. I know, this sound like a Big word because it may or may not an actual life threatening situation. However when we were younger, we didn’t know if that was true or not! And the more dysfunction you experienced in your family growing up, the more likely you created beliefs about people and the world that aren’t necessarily true anymore.

Eric Berne who wrote the “The Games People Play’ in 1964 , suggested that our values and beliefs are formed by the age of 4 or 5 , the life script was written. By 7, it was polished and had the essential characters. By 12 years old it was further polished and was beginning to be lived out. (http://www.ariesyeo.com/values-beliefs)

If we hold these unexpressed and unuseful emotions built during our childhood and take them into our adulthood (in our unconscious mind) which will continue to limit us unless we adopt a new belief system or heal from those hurts.

It is also possible to have a great childhood and still develop unexpressed and unuseful emotions that no longer serve us as an adult. After all, trauma comes in many forms with different levels of intensity.

The best way to tell if you have beliefs that serve you or not is to look at the results you get when going after what you want most in life. For instance if you want a wonderful relationship but keep attracting hurtful or abusive people, you probably have beliefs that keep drawing you to the wrong people. Likewise for job situation, have a think do you have issues in staying on a job because you feel burnt out or you simply lost the passion about the work after a while.

In much of what stops us from getting the life we want is wrapped up in beliefs that aren’t working, values that we aren’t even aware of, and perceptions that cause us to see reality in a way that is not resourceful.

The better we are at handling our emotions, we better we are at living our life to the fullest.

Are you ready to take the first step to reframe your unuseful and unexpressed emotions or those beliefs that no longer serve you.

Perception is Projection

Wed, 12 Aug 2020 13:33:22 GMT

Perception is Projection

Perception is projection says:

“We go inside first, decide what kind of the world we want to experience and then project that world outside making it the truth as we experience it. “ (Helen Schucman, A course in Miracles)

In other words, the world is a reflection of our inner thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs. The outer world is a reflection of what’s going on inside.

“We can only perceive what is already in our consciousness”. This comes from a guy called Carl Jung, who was a Swiss psychologist and one of the 3 ‘fathers of psychology’, along with Freud and Adler.

Jung introduced the notion of ‘projection’ to explain how people can feel certain they know what another person is like and what they think, then interact with the other person on the basis of those assumptions.

Projection occurs when we attribute an element of our personality which resides in our unconscious to another person or group. We can project both negative and positive characteristics, however there is a greater tendency to project the former rather than the latter.

Sigmund Freud, who popularized the term in the mid-1890’s, believed projection to be a defence mechanism used to avoid the anxiety that is provoked when one is forced to face up to one’s faults, weaknesses, and destructive tendencies.

For instance, if you’ve a major disagreement with a colleague and feeling aggrieved about it, you may perceive their subsequent behaviour as hostile towards you when others maintain that it is not. In fact, some Jungian psychologists suggest when we are irritated by the behaviour of a colleague, it’s really ourselves we are irritated with; when we’re pleased with someone else, it’s really ourselves we’re pleased with. During my NLP training, my trainer related one of his experiences where he simply could not stand another delegate during his NLP Master training whom he projected as hostile. It was much later into the training that he realised it was him all along who held the perception that the other guy was a nasty fellow and he had literally projected this onto that person while the other person had no awareness of this hostility.

Sound familiar ?

This could easily happen in a family as well; I have a client who told me that she found it difficult to live with her son-in-law whom she felt did not respect her and she was being bullied in her own house.

Upon diving deeper into the concept of perception, we saw many things are from her own perspective and upon the perception positioning exercise - her conflicts with her son-in-law were resolved.

Far too many people, do not want to acknowledge that many times in life, it is more of ourselves, our defence mechanisms that we deploy to stay ignorant of our faults and weaknesses. For it is easier to believe that it is the other person who is being difficult. When we are willing to open up our unconscious mind, willing to take the steps to resolve that perception, we are always surprised with the results.

What these attests to is that perception is subjective as we project what we perceive as the reality rather than the actual situation.

Jung put forward the idea of projection in relation to other people. He suggested that we see others as we are, not necessarily as they are.

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for “ John Lubbock

.Just like the social media algorithms that show you further examples of anything you’ve ‘liked’ or ‘shared’, our brains perpetuate our beliefs by noticing the experiences that support them and screen out anything that contradicts our view of the world.

Every thought is a judgement. The moment a judgement about someone or something else comes into your awareness, it is only your perception and is only true for you.

When we unconsciously create subjective perceptions of other people and events, we are actually forming our perceptions on the basis of what we already think we know.

However, once we’re consciously aware of our perceptions, we can choose to question them, to look for contrary evidence or alternative explanations. We can ask ourselves, ‘how real is that impression?’ or ‘is that judgement really justified?’ or ‘how do I know that?

The perceptions and projections appear to ‘happen to us’ rather than being the result of deliberate choice. That’s because it’s all going on outside of conscious awareness

People do what they do. How you react to what they do is all about how you are you. Make sense?

Remember, we always have a choice in our view. We can choose to look beyond that obvious interpretation of what we saw and ask if there is another perspective…

Beliefs

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 19:28:56 GMT

Understanding of your own Beliefs

Beliefs are the propositions you deem to be true

Peer interaction and society, in general, play an important role in the formation of personal beliefs. Beliefs are derived from what a person experiences, hears, sees and think, and they change as new evidences or experiences challenge what was previously held.

Where your beliefs come from

Initially, they come from other people like parents, teachers, peer group, friends, family, the media and religion. In fact, from anyone who ever exerts influence over us. They are formed in our childhood and during adolescence.

Think back to your own childhood. How was your behaviour affected by what someone else said about you? Perhaps a cutting remark from a teacher or friend such as “what a stupid answer!” made you think twice about raising your hand again in class, for fear of ridicule and humiliation.

Analogy – observe a baby. It reflects back the non-verbal signals. It smiles when someone smiles at it and probably cry when someone frowns at it. In this constant interaction of ‘receive and reflect back’ a behaviour is learned and instilled in the mind.

If a school teacher, carer or parent makes a careless remark like, “You are clumsy”, the child will have the seeds of clumsiness sown in their mind. Then, every time that the child drops something, the thought “I am clumsy”, may sprung to mind. The more they think of it and the more often this is reinforced, the clumsier they will become. It may culminate in a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If that same teacher has lovingly tell the child that it is alright to make the mistake, as no one is perfect, and encourage the child to persevere and continue. How will that impact this child then?

Eric Berne who wrote the “The Games People Play’ in 1964 , suggested that by the age of 4 or 5, our life script was written. By 7, it was polished and had the essential characters. By 12 years old it was further polished and was beginning to be lived out.

Your subconscious, by its nature, keeps its intention hidden. It is a powerful force where most of us know it is what that drives our behaviour, decisions and beliefs

For instance, a child’s parent leaves them and doesn’t come back, that child may subconsciously beliee that they did something worthy of this abandonment. If the child is abused or neglected, they may believe that they did something that made deserve to be abused or not taken care of.

If the parents never told them ‘ I love you”, they may come to believe on a deeper level that they are unlovable.

Myself, it is only now that I am nearly 50, having studied so much on this subconscious mind that I began to unravel my own insecurities because I realised my parents have never say a positive word or affirmation to me - my only recalled memories is that of my mum telling me how useless I am, I am too argumentative, hopeless, non-achiever.

Being a high “I” under the DiSC profiling, this personality type fears the most is loss of popularity and that includes their very own parents, so I spent all my life trying to be a pleaser, so no one can say that I am argumentative, to do well in my studies so I am not considered as useless , to earn lots of money and power so I am successful.

Such subconscious negative beliefs are very common and affects us not only when it comes to relationships but also with self-care and our general choices about what we do and how we prioritise our life.

How can we re-write our Beliefs ?

Beliefs are not something we are born with, we “decide” or come to believe them, sometimes consciously and sometimes not as we have seen - we adopted them along our journey in life.

Coaches and their clients get the chance to re-visit the script, to rewrite it and to do something different. That is one of the main reasons that clients seek a coach. They want help to make a change.

So how aware are you of your belief systems that are driving you?

How can you overcome the beliefs that is limiting you ?

Remember your Beliefs drives your thoughts and its your thoughts that drives your behaviour from which the results.

If you are constantly finding yourself not able to do what your heart desire. Its probably time to think deeper.

Take sometime to examine the beliefs you have about yourself. Make two lists of beliefs,

- one : list all the positive beliefs you have about yourself

- two : list all the negative beliefs you have about yourself, including things you are not good at

Take a closer look at your list of negative beliefs; let's say the top three, ask yourself

- What has this belief cost me on a daily basis

- How do I know it is true or still true ?

- How would tomorrow be like if you were to let go of this belief?

Rewire your Brain for the First Time

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Wed, 05 Aug 2020 19:28:44 GMT

New Habits

Do you have to concentrate to tie your shoelaces?

Probably not these days, but that was not always the case, was it?

I am sure that it seemed quite complicated the first time that you did it. You opened up a neural pathway to tying your shoelaces, the more often that you did it, the wider the pathway became.

Think of a dense forest, the floor of the forest is completely overgrown. In order to go into the forest you would need to trample out a pathway. It would be hard work breaking trail, and if you only used the path once then it would soon become overgrown again. The more that you use the path the wider it becomes and the more familiar it is to you, the easier it is to get into the forest.

Just like our habit, let’s say our eating habit, I love sweets so I always have a piece of cake + tea for my afternoon, if one day the cake runs out, I will feel weird. Because we have wired our brain to expect this treat.

Our behaviour define our life, they make us what we are. Repeated behaviour is what we called habits that can determine how long we live, our happiness levels throughout our life, how successful we are or not as the case may be.

We are not born with these behaviours but acquired them throughout our life, let me give you another eg, I like my tea with only fresh milk, not sugar or condensed milk as I picked this habit about 28 years ago when I first came to UK.

The only behaviour that we are born with is the ability to breathe.

Since habits are acquired, it can also be changed consciously or unconsciously. In my case, I know I have developed lactose intolerance over the years as I tend to get bloated stomach, so do I totally give up on all diary products in my diet or just reduce the intake. This becomes a conscious choice!

Our behaviour could determine our success in life or happiness, take the famous Jack Ma for example, we know his story. He did not succeed in his very first attempt in his business or education. His firm believe in “ there is no such thing as failure only feedback” has proven indeed his firm believe has driven his behaviour to keep on going, and today we have Alibaba Group, a public listed company. He began studying English at a young age by conversing with English-speakers at Hangzhou International Hotel. For nine years, Ma would ride 27 km (17 miles) on his bicycle to give tourists tours of the area to practice his English. His journey did not come smoothly but rather with relentless, persistence habit.

For a habit is developed in our unique internal network, our nervous system. We make a request for some kind of action, whether it be a physical movement or a thought. Our nervous system handles the request and directs it to the appropriate part of the body for a response.

Now, the first time that we make a request, this creates what is known as a neural or neurological pathway. The more times that we run the request the stronger the pathway becomes and the easier it is for the nervous system to handle the request, until it forms a habit and the behaviour becomes, automatic, it just happens without a formal request being made.

The first time that you make the journey, the first time you try to speak a foreign language, the first time you try to go on a stage, the first time you walk (as a baby). It is really hard going and it may take you a long time, but the more attempts you try, the easier it get. The pathway gradually develops and eventually it become well defined!

That is how habits develop. Repeated actions, thoughts or behaviours will eventually become habits.

Do your habits support you? Take one habit that you are not happy with and make a decision to change it. Say, for example you swear and wish that you didn’t. Choose a replacement word for your swearword. Whenever you catch yourself about to swear, stop yourself and use the replacement word instead.

At first you may find it tricky to stop yourself until it is too late but the more times you do manage to stop yourself, the more times that you walk down that path, the easier it will get. Keep this up for a week and your habit will be broken.

Drop me a line and let me know whether this works for you. Otherwise, I am happy to do some “magic” trick with you to help to rewire your subconsciousness to remove this unwanted habit.

Awareness of SELF

ariesjbyeo@yahoo.co.uk (Aries Yeo) — Thu, 05 Dec 2019 13:32:07 GMT

Awareness of SELF

What is awareness?

Is there a difference between a general awareness vs self awareness.

To be aware is to understand your environment, the ability to perceive things as they are

While self awareness is recognising those internal factors that distorts one own perceptions of the reality and the ability to control it.

We often see people question about their misfortunate, life fairness, why things are happening to me??? The list can go on.

We all know that when we look at the half filled glass – what we see can be either half full or half empty. For this is very much driven by our personal perspective! For some it is half full while others they seem to be only able to see as half empty. Neither is wrong as its about personal perception.

Self-awareness (sometimes also referred to as self-knowledge or introspection) is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you the unique individual that you are. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting to life's changes. When we have a better understanding of ourselves, we are able to experience ourselves as unique and separate individuals. This empowers us to make changes and build on our areas of strength, as well as identify areas where we would like to make improvements. Self-awareness is often the first step to setting goals. For not knowing ourselves means we set unrealistic goals, and subsequently beat ourselves to it for not achieving or eventually gave up on setting goals.

self-awareness allows an individual to appreciate the strengths and weaknesses of one’s own character. Realizing this will enable one to take actions, and make choices and decisions that are consistent with their own abilities. It is important to put the time in – self-awareness is not learned in a book, but achieved through self-reflection by using what you have learned about yourself to inform decisions, behaviors, and interactions with other people

Edward Deci & Richard Ryan (University of Rochester) have shown that the primary driver for all species (not just just human) is the drive for autonomy. However, to be in-charge of our own destiny we need to know ourselves, the self awareness otherwise we let others to be the driver of our life – to determine where we are going and what we are doing.

Some techniques that can help you, or your clients if you are a therapist, become more self-aware include:

• Take psychometric tests

• Attend some awareness workshops such as Emotional Intelligence, Body Intelligence, etc

• Journaling, where one reflects on one’s experiences by writing about them outside the therapy session. Such insights can make therapy more effective.

• Bibliotherapy, including self-help books, especially those recommended by one’s therapist or coaches because they are particularly insightful, where some are based on sound research.

• Art therapies and sand trays, where one creates images or arranges figures and objects that bring the playful imagination of childhood into greater awareness for self-discovery and healing.

• Being Mindful, you can attend some formal mindfulness courses like MBCT for depression and anxiety or MBSR for general stress. Mindfulness is a simple yet powerful practice of training our attention. It’s simple in that it’s really just about paying attention to what’s happening here and now (i.e. sensations, thoughts, and emotions) in a non-judgemental way.

• Group therapies/ coaching, where one’s self-awareness is enhanced by feedback from others and by hearing others’ similar experiences. One’s social interactions are also observed “live,” so the therapist / coach and group can address them.

• A deep one-to-one conversation with a coach to nagivate emotions, thoughts that you have not allowed yourself to explore in the past.

Values & Beliefs

Wed, 20 Nov 2019 17:05:37 GMT

How Beliefs are formed

Values are who we are. Deeply rooted fundamental beliefs. Guides that dictate your behavior and actions. The foundations of what is driving your decisions. Ingrained principles that help you declare who you are and what you stand for.

Values represent the things you cherish and hold to be most dear

Your core values are the heart, home, and centre of why you are doing what you do and why, and what you are not doing

It doesn't matter what area of your life you want to bring into the container, at the core of everything is 'you', the you that you've been, the you that is present and the you that you want to become.

Belief is defined by the lexicographers at Oxford Dictionaries as an acceptance that something exists or is true, especially one without proofs.

Development of personal values starts as early as childhood and is shaped by the beliefs and values of parents, grandparents. Peer interaction and society, in general, play an important role in the formation of personal beliefs. In fact, from anyone who ever exerts influence over us. They are formed in our childhood and during adolescence. Beliefs are derived from what a person experiences, hears, sees and think, and they change as new evidences or experiences challenge what was previously held.

Analogy

– observe a baby. It reflects back the non-verbal signals. It smiles when someone smiles at it and probably cry when someone frowns at it. In this constant interaction of ‘receive and reflect back’ a behaviour is learned and instilled in the mind.

If that same teacher had said, "Well done, you really tried hard", what do you think will this child response be like? And how will this child response to the subsequent quest/ obstacles in life?

Eric Berne who wrote the “The Games People Play’ in 1964 , suggested that by the age of 4 or 5, the life script was written. By 7, it was polished and had the essential characters. By 12 years old it was further polished and was beginning to be lived out.

How aware are you of your own belief systems? Are they driving you forward or pulling you from what you want to achieve in your life? How about your very own child? How are we as parents shaping their values and beliefs in life? I asked this question because as I began to understand this myself. I also saw the vast differences between my 2 children, the trusting, the cheerfulness, the warm-loving nature vs the caution/always doubting, the fear of people, building of thousands of walls surrounding himself as a protection against others, unfortunately that includes me the mom.

The journey to finding Oneself - Part III

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 09:14:26 GMT

Values : Part III

Life is a journey. A journey needs a destination. A destination needs the core value as it directs us, guide consciously and/or unconsciously.

Now that I understand that. Now that I know my values. What’s next?

Live a life that align to your values, including the ones that you want to have but often don’t have especially in a job or situation and the ones that is operational (unconscious) that gives you security, comfort and choices

• What is currently being practiced in your life that needs to be removed ?

• What can you do more of? What can you do less of?

• Where are you out of alignment with your core values?

• What will happen if nothing changes?

Reach out to someone like a life coach if you are still searching, find that person who you are able to relate to and let them walk with you in this journey of self discovery, of finding your very own destination, your “North Star”.

“If you don’t have a clear vision of what you want, you ended up sweep away by the vision of others”

Mainstream gets us to focus on money, prestige, titles, qualifications. Is this what you truly want for your own life?

How do you measure success? What is success to you? Rich? Owning a big house? A promising career? Or just simply a fulfilment where only your heart knows

Authenticity - Part II

Thu, 31 Oct 2019 17:08:05 GMT

Values : Part II

Values are who we are.

• It’s a single, abstract word!

• Our deeply rooted fundamental beliefs.

• Guides that dictate our behavior and actions.

• The foundations of what is driving our decisions.

• Ingrained principles that help our declare who we are and what we stand for.

Values represent the things we cherish and hold to be most dear

Our core values are the heart, home, and centre of why we are doing what we do and what we are not doing

Values are more an integral part of who we are. Development of personal values starts as early as childhood and is shaped by the beliefs and values of our parents or caretakers.

Another way to put it is our ultimate and most fulfilling form of expressing and relating. Our values serve as a compass pointing out what it means to be true to oneself. When we honor our values on a regular and consistent basis, life is good and fulfilling.

Value are what matter to us; what’s important, what we focus on (unconsciously), for they make us take action (or not take action). It is not who we would like to be, not who we think we should be, but who we are in our lives, right now.

Values drive individual’s choices and decisions. They attract or repulse us to an activity or goal and determine the actions we will take.

Take a look at how you spend your time, that will give you a good starting point for identifying your core values.

• What makes you laugh?

• What makes you angry, frustrated

• What can’t you tolerate?

Now that we know what is our values, what made us do what we do and what we don’t do. Do we question where these values are from?

Values may be instilled through pain and pleasure throughout our formative years. Initially through our parents and or carers, and later by our peers, friends, teachers and educators, religion, culture, employers, partners, society and media. They shaped own life based on what we want most and what we fear most.

We have the potential to change. The change the value that is not ours to start with. But how did it get there?

You were born authentic. You are not a copy. There is no one like, nor has been, nor will be ever again. Your best self is your ‘real’ self. You were born with a mission and role to fulfil, which is simply: be who you are. Authenticity means to be the author of your own life.

Being authentic is a lifelong process. It’s never something that anyone can give you. It’s not something you learn from books, it’s never a ‘done once’ affair. It’s every moment of every day.

Authenticity is the willingness to constantly learn and develop as a human being.

Your value evolves over time or re-enforced itself through your very experience you encountered… It takes a lot of thought, it requires you to ask many questions about what you are saying and who you are being.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by Dogma which is living with the results of other people’s thinking” Steve Jobs.

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know who truly want to become

Are you ready to find out that Self?

The Search - Part I

Wed, 18 Sep 2019 15:23:58 GMT

Values : Part I

Like most people's, life is a rollercoaster of a journey. There are highs, lows and some distinct plateaus where I slept-walked through many years of existence.

I have always aspired to go to university, that's to me is the greatest achievement in life in my younger days. Silly me, not knowing that it is my way of getting acknowledgement from my mom. I have totally forgotten what a playful child I was and what inspired me, for studies is the last thing on my little mind - school is the most boring thing in life then! . Hence, I am labelled an useless or good for nothing child. This labelling has unconsciously created a craving for higher qualification at the back of the need for acknowledgement which has driven my many directions in life including my marriage, unfortunately this has resulted in another failure.

The hunger for acknowledgement has also caused me to strike for many things in life - power/money. So I thought banking is another great adventure (with power and money) so there I was. However, there is always something nagging at me and I keep looking for more… More work, more challenges, more responsibilities, promotion, money…. It is just not enough.

Sound familiar?

Our values drive us to make decision, to act consciously or unconsciously.

You may already know what's important to you in almost all the major areas of your life. For you have lived long enough to realise what you do and don't want, and you are likely to do your best to keep those things in mind as you get in relationships, new careers, and other major life situations. That way, you can lead a somewhat normal and enjoyable existence. As such, in relationship for example, you might prefer an honest, respectful partner. In careers, you might value friendly colleagues. How about the wants and desires that aren't being met?

Think about your own life for a moment. What is your vision of a really fulfilling life? What would that be like? Savor that thought….

When we take the time to think about it, most of us spend our lives searching for fulfilment.

And what is fulfilment? Having more ? Money, power, challenges, excitements, adventures/ fun?

Fulfilment is not about having more nor about what fills your pockets or closets

It’s about what fills your heart and soul

Fulfilment is about being fully alive. Fulfilment is the state of fully expressing of who we are and what is right for us. Its wholeness, satisfaction, a sense of rightness and harmony. It is aligning to our core value. Life is vibrating…. The resonant feeling, when action and deep purposes are aligned, is an enormous engine for motivation as well. Making the connection fuels the desire and commitment especially when the hill is steep or the headwinds strong.

When we honour our values and the choices we make in our lives, we feel an internal “rightness.” Its’ as if each value produces its own special tone. When we live our values, the various tones create an unique harmony. When we are not living our vales, there is dissonance. The discord can get so extreme, so jarring that it can become physically unhealthy. Because human beings are flexible and resilient, it is possible to absorb a tremendous amount of discord and keep going, but there is a very high price to pay – a sense of selling out on oneself – and the result is a life of toleration or betrayal rather than fulfilment.

20 years in the corporate world and it’s only the sudden death of my son that has put my life in a standstill! This is my threshold, my toleration of not aligning to my value for more than 2 decades, or rather I found out that I have conflicting values and been living one while struggling with another.

My quest became even more urgent. How do I live this life now– a truly meaningful and impactful life, what is my value ? Where is that “North Star” of mine. It was something that I had previously been far too busy to acknowledge, far too self-important to search for, far too scared to attempt to find.

My journey to my true self. A legacy for my son began.

Rejection

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 19:25:13 GMT

What gives you the strength to overcome rejection

Someone recommended this book to me sometimes back and told me that it is a brilliant book as it helps you to overcome your own fears. So, I thought why not when I have the time.

Although this is a book on rejection, I found there are a lot more insights than simply taking courage to overcome our fears.

Unlike the author, I never wanted to be an entrepreneur, my dream is always to be the CEO of a MNC, not starting my own business, for I am not a creative person, how can I ever be an entrepreneur ! So what will I learn from this book.

However, the book is really an “easy” read so I continued. But it sparkle so much thoughts that my head is swirling with more provoking thoughts.

What is rejection? Why does the author spend so much time talking about it, a blog, video and even gain fame from it.

I find the author’s approach very intriguing, using the Jason Comely‘s theory, he decided to do a 100 days rejection journey. Wow, I think this is really brave! I meant deliberately to seek rejection to desensitize oneself to the pain of the world no. I simply can’t image if I have the “lizard” in front of me 24/7, ( you see I am really scared of lizards – if they suddenly appear in front of me, I won’t be able to stop screaming and ended up shivering in fears/shocks).

What the heck! Who in the hell will do such a ridiculous thing! Everyone hates rejection, so do I! I would think of ways and means to overcome people rejection – to get their agreement. I think he is nuts to do such a thing. Yet, he is truly one of the kind, apparenlty he wants to build accountability, what better way than blogging.

Being a life coach and have recently embarked on an online retail business, rejection is inevitable. This book seems the perfect solution to my situation. So, if I am in his place, what would I do? And what have I done so far?

Rejection? Why is everyone so fearful of this term that it made us stop doing what we so desired or wanted to do.

How can we desensitize ourselves other than this ingenious matter by Jia Jiang

The author talks about this love, his dream that he had since he was a child and how unhappy he has been even though he has a 6 figure salary job. Eventually, his very supportive wife issued him a challenge to go and do what his heart truly wants with the 6 months time frame. This is where he begins his journey.

His first obstacles was a rejection, a NO from the investor. He was totally devastated and wanted to give up (when it is only 4 months into the timeline), his wife spear him on. This ingenious guy then think of way- his very famous 100 days of rejection journey to overcome his fear of rejections..

There are 2 things that really caught my attention:

One - His determination, his focus when it was obvious he is scared, he is fearful of what is to come, yet he take courage to do the opposite : there was this nagging unfulfilled desire that he knows he need to try otherwise he would regret for the rest of his life.

Do you have something that is nagging at you yet you are scared to leave the comfort of your security?

I want to challenge you to find that fulfilment! That value that is in YOU! Although I am not Jia Jiang, his courage to pursue his dreams is phenomenal, we all have our own “secret” dream or desire that we have forgotten, locked away.

When you are 85 years old, and looking back, what is the one thing that you will say to yourself ? “I wish I’d had the courage to ……” What is yours?

Two – Support. He has a wonderful supportive wife that not only believe in him but also encourage, challenge him. There is always a saying behind every successful man (woman), there is a woman (man). How truth – looking at his story, we know he will probably stay at his job and be miserable if his wife hasn’t issue him that challenge. And where is your support? If you are single, then how can you get your support to spear you, who are the people who believes in you!

The beginning

Fri, 06 Sep 2019 10:49:55 GMT

The 2nd phase of my life

This was written sometimes back as a reflection of the year of 2018, which I struggled to post it as it is so personal and so raw........

20+ years in the corporate world. At 45+, after going through the death of my son, reflection is no longer about fruitfulness or achievement but grieve and pain. It has become an impossibility. So why am I writing this now down.

Maybe age is a factor, it makes me start thinking what have I really done this year or rather what have I done all these years? I wrote this sometimes earlier this year but never have the courage to post because it is too personal, maybe it's Nathaniel 19th birthday in a week time, or maybe its time to open up to face the fact that life is still going on.

2018 begins with lots of pain and grieve, unlike any other years as this is the first “new” year without Nathaniel, without having to worry about the start of a new school year, books, school uniform etc etc.

However, office politics continued, it seems become inevitable that my work is getting redundant – only a matter of time. I heard rumours from colleague that my boss was already talking about it. The final “talk” came and I started to officially look for roles within and outside, but nothing materialised. I eventually have my letter and left the company in mid Jun 2018. This officially ended my corporate life in banking. It was such a relief to leave the toxic environment, but I haven’t been managing my finance very well so leaving without a job is not sustainable for a long term. Unfortunately, or fortunately life is never predicable, I couldn’t get another job (that I want to do), while I began the search of my inner calling….

I was kind of “floating around” after leaving the company, on one hand, desperate and worried about getting another job, on the other hand I am not too sure I really want a job back in corporate. I am sure I don’t want to do the same type of work, I want to work with people, to help others but how do I do that in a corporate environment, how do I stay in the corporate as a “saint” and not get involved in the politics yet managed my finance. I seem to be totally unrealistic.

Days passed into weeks, I continued my search, going to the job placement centre, working on my CV etc. But it is just didn’t feel right. I finally decided to take the plunge to sign up with TMI, hoping that a coach can help me to identify my “destiny” and bring me more network (as part of the job search) but nothing was further away from the truth. I learnt a big costly lesson and realised that this is a journey that I have to go through.

Is this God’s way of telling me to take charge of my current situation, to focus on Tim (my other son) first, to take stock of my life, to stop and truly look what is really important regardless of finance. It is very scary especially for a single mum, a sole breadwinner as my ex-husband has never stepped into the shoes as the provider for the children.. How can I walk in faith in such daunting situation, Proverbs 16:9 came to my mind "a man plan his course but its God that determines our step" and I need to let him walk me through this journey.

God has been graceful. Along the way, I met other coaches like Gerald Tan who has helped me without asking for a cent. I have then slowly come to terms with my inner calling and the guts to live with it. Of course, I have too many friends to thank for their wonderful support and encouragements like Shree Mogan (she is such a joy to be with), helping me with nearly all of my applications preparation, etc, and Grace Seah who never stop to encourage me to walk close with God.

I thank God that the decision was made to move to UK, with Tim as the first priority after the months of struggle what should I do .

Finally in North Wales, reflecting on what has happened in the year of 2018, the struggles to come to this decision, the transition from an employee, a corporate executive to a self-employer, an entrepreneur. Never, in my wildest dream will I thought one day my life would take such a turn because I hate the insecurity of working without a stable income. Yet, I know this is my calling, my calling to live a life of truth to my core.

If Nathaniel's departure has any value - then it is an awakening call to tell his mum that I need to live a life, a life of my full potential, not in fear, not in worries, but in courage, in truth. Although this is only just the beginning, I can feel the true self emerging like a caterpillar into a butterfly.

Please journey with me or allow me to partner with you to journey with you to a stronger self. Let's us hold each other accountable and support each other in our walk to a brighter side not just for ourselves, rather more as a role model for our children and children of this world.

MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT

Nine Years, One Day, and What Remains

The Day That Was Only Loss — Until It Wasn’t

The Reality of Authentic Intention in a Curated World

The Modern Authenticity Crisis

Grief, Regret, and Finding Purpose

A Journey to the Authentic Self

The Power of Authentic Self Expression

Beyond MINORITY

Myth of Work life Balance

Why Integration and Purpose Matter More Than Balance.

Authentic Intention

Bridging the Gap Between Vision and Reality

The Paradox of Success

An Executive Coach's Year-End Reflection

Embrace the Unexpected

Harnessing your Optimism to Navigate Life's Uncertainties

The Cornerstone of a Powerful Personal Brand

The interplay between authenticity and self-actualisation.

The Path to Personal Fulfillment

The interplay between authenticity and self-actualisation

Beyond the Noise: The Hidden Power of Stillness

Unshackle your authentic Self

The Journey from People Pleasing to Empowerment

Quiet Extrovert

Extroversion enjoying quiet movement

﻿

Unlock Your Productivity Potential

Mindful Clarity

Mothering Sunday

Happy Mother's Day!

﻿

Know the Truth in my Heart

A journey of reflections

The Authenticity Equation

Navigating Workplace Dynamics

Embrace the Renewal

Temporal Tapestry: Reflecting on 2023 and Anticipating 2024

Cultivating a Deeper Connection with Yourself

The relationship of your Authenticity and mindfulness

Navigating the Maze of Decision-Making

Overcoming Struggles and Finding Clarity

The Catalyst Or the Constraint

Unraveling the Forces that Propel or Hinder You

Giving the Authentic Feedback

Be in your Truth

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

What does Self Awareness do for you, as a Leader?

Ultimate Goal

The Pursuit of Happiness

Authentic Influence

What's the secret to your success?

Authentic Selling

When you are just being You!

A letter from my Dream

My Authenticity

Dare to communicate authenticity

Authentic Communication

The KEY to Imposter Syndrome

Is authenticity the answer to your Imposter Syndrome?

Seeing the REAL You

Awareness of SELF

When Magic happens

Finds Your Magic....

3 Keys to Success

Do you have the clarity to succeed in life?

Confidence from Within

Believing in Yourself?

How to give of Your BEST..

Strength = BEST?

Your Greatest Achievement

“What is your greatest achievement?”

The Authentic YOU

When you are difference

You are Guilty!

The true Feedback

Why is feedback important?

Mind Mapping in your SPACE

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to lay out the contents of your mind in front of you?

Never stop loving