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Fear Series - #1
Aries Yeo • Feb 13, 2021
Fear Series I
Fear is one of the seven universal emotions experienced by everyone around the world. Fear arises with the threat of harm, either physical , emotional, or psychological, real or imagined. While traditionally considered a “negative” emotion, fear actually serves an important role in keeping us safe as it mobilizes us to cope with potential danger.
Fear, however also causes physiological changes and ultimately behavioural changes, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events.
With this in mind, I would like to cover a series of fear behaviours we see in ourselves and many around us when we are observant, and how we can learn to recognise, acknowledge and overcome our fears.
- Rejection (today post)
- Imposter Syndrome
- Stepping out of comfort zone
- I am not good enough, self doubt
- How I am perceived
- Many more…
“You can ask anyone for anything if you don’t buy into your thinking about what it would mean if they said ‘no’ ”
Michael Neill.
What a profound saying !
Easier said than done, wouldn't you say so? How am I do that?
Slow down. Read on as it is true, very true as pondered deeply about the words quoted above.
The moment we are able to accept ‘no’ for an answer or response, no matter how dramatically that ‘no’ may be delivered then we are no longer held captive, paralysed by fear of the word ‘NO’, a word that we heard often when we were young, a word that comes so naturally to us, way beyond our memories.
Just look at a child, when they are young (before we conditioned them with shame, embarrassment, etc), they behave as if they so choose, they can conquer the world!
In fact, "NO' is one of the very early words we all learnt.
The more comfortable you are with the ‘no' the less likely you are to get caught in a sort of ‘post traumatic stress disorder’ of the mind, walking on eggshells and becoming more and more afraid to ask for what you want.
Do you also know when you no longer have the fear of ‘no’, you are literally free to ask for anything you want.
Now, let’s have a deeper look into why people say no to us, is it really a rejection of our offer or there is more behind this NO?
Have you come across some people who simply walk away in fear of what you have to say to them. The fear, or insecurity that you may talk them into thinking about something they don’t want to think about or doing something they don’t want to do. This could be because of:
- a lack of information or understanding about how what you’re asking will be of benefit to them, either directly or indirectly- a genuine knowing on their part that they don’t want to be, or have what you’re requesting
Have you noticed, none of these have anything to do with you as a person. If their ‘no’ is coming from their own fear, that’s about their thinking and level of consciousness, not you or your external request.
If it’s lack of information or understanding, it's still impersonal – and it is entirely up to you whether or not to continue until they have enough information or understanding to make an informed decision.
If they are saying no because they simply do not want to, then again it is not a reflection on you.
Personally, I have reached a point where I realise that I much prefer a clear yes or no, even though I can still be taken aback, or become a little upset at times. You see, when we ask or make a request even among friends or family, we have the tendency to put ourselves, our self-image or self esteem on the line along with whatever it is we are asking.
Ways to overcome the feeling of Rejection
1. Notice whether the attention is on yourself or the other person
- because if it is on you, that self directed self conscious thinking will create a fear or discomfort
2. Impersonalise the Ask - Turn the light on the other person – whatever you are asking is beneficial and serving them. The discomfort will disappear and you will find it surprisingly easy to ask
Let’s try an experiment…
Ask 10 people - 5 friends/family and 5 strangers with the objective of receiving 'NO' as an answer. See how you feel and what is going on in your thoughts (remember to apply the 2 principles).
I would love to hear your feedback – drop me a line, let me know how successful/unsuccessful you have been.
All the best!
