Never stop loving

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was named Nathaniel (meaning the gift from GOD) as he was conceived unexpectedly 2 months after their parents’ wedding.

He possessed such a gentle spirit that captured my heart from the very moment I laid eyes on him. Even as a little baby, there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, yet an undeniable aura of tranquility surrounded him. It was an extraordinary combination to observe in a child. 

However, as he continued to grow, he remained notably quiet, not uttering a word, with only hmm, umm. It wasn't until he reached the age of four that he sought assistance to begin his journey into speech. His educational voyage commenced at the age of five, as is customary in the UK, and he quickly endeared himself to everyone with his gentle and caring nature.  Yet, this was also the time when teachers began to notice his struggle with maintaining focus and attention..." 

Meanwhile, his silly mum decided to take him back to her home country thinking it is best for them all,  a place known for their advance education,  good for her career progression and away from the father who find the children a burden.  The little boy went eagerly to explore the new land, not knowing the hostility, the challenges that come with it.

He no longer has friends in school, everyone find him different especially with his accent.   Gradually he dropped his accent and speak like the other kids but his difficulties in school became more and more obvious.

This round, there is no longer any help because the new place was foreign to special needs children.    Meanwhile, he was labelled with many names by relatives, tuition teachers  etc. 

3 years later, he finally got his first diagnosis on ADHD and language deficits…  but no help was rendered …. As the government hospital was not forthcoming for instance, the speech therapist expecting ADHD to be cured before she will see him. Yet, we know there is no such thing as cure for ADHD as it is a form of neurodivergence condition rather than illness.    Although medication can help to settle them their hyper-activeness.

Challenges, difficulties continue with some understanding after the diagnosis…

The boy continues to grow despite the challenges he faced, and GOD has been merciful in his own ways as he received helps in other ways through an accidental encounter with a child psychologist (his parents were separating at that time) and got further diagnose of sensory and found private help with an Occupational Therapist.

The boy’s kind heartedness & enthusiasm was gradually seen by many, and this won him heart of other youths, young adults/adults where he belonged to in a church.  Although, many still puzzled how such a combination exists (super active / super energy yet super gentle with young ones or those with needs)

One Monday morning, he went to school like any other day, his mum waving good bye to him before she get ready for work.   Who knows this is the very last time everyone will ‘see’ or hear from him. For he came home in that afternoon as usual but the blood vessel has already starting to burst in his brain stem.   Going in and out of coma, while his younger brother not understanding or knowing try to reach his mum without success.    "As he appeared to be having a severe headache" thought the younger brother.  The younger brother finally managed to get hold of the grand mother who thought to drop by later in the evening to bring him to see a doctor and  inform the mum.

In any case, the mum was contacted and  decided to get home earlier to bring the son to see the doctor, never in her wildest dream to see her son lying there on the floor, with vomits and seizure when she got into the house.

The rest is a blur – calling the ambulance, waiting for the ambulance, the hospital.  Nothing seem to be real.

There are, there were many why, but there is never an answer.   It just happened, and it can happen to anyone as the neurologist told the poor mum.

At his funeral, quite a number came forward to tell the mum what he did for them, how he encouraged them to return to the church, to the community, how he used computer games to reach out to the other boys, how he tell the other adults the importance of good sleep, to look after themselves, how he the ‘looked after’ look out for the adult instead during the church camp…..

All these happened on the holy Week of 2017. 

As you all could have guess by now, this is my story and the story of my son.   This time of every year, I was reminded of his life – his sufferings, his love….

What is death?   When we all experienced death in some forms especially with the recent covid, or rather the Ukraine/Russia war where we have seen.

I, the living choose to remember goodness, kindness, to celebrate his life, however short that might be.

You, the alive how would you like to remember and celebrate your loved ones be it they are still with you or have gone.

I chose to Be presence, be intentional with my life, because I wish he is still alive and his life is not so short but I also know, wishing in this sense will not change the fact that he is gone.  The important thing is what I want to do with my life, with his legacy. 

And what have you chosen with your life?  What have you wish for?  And can you still pursue, if yes,  are you doing it. ?  If not, what do you want to do about it?

This was written in remembrance of Nathaniel as 14^th Apr 2022 is his fifth year of passing.