Balance of Life

Her GP said this to her. “I see a lot of women like you, trying to do it all. You can’t, you know.” She then wanted to punch her in the face, but was crying so hard that she could barely see the GP’s face”……. She said she didn’t want it all. No woman does, it’s a nonsense. She just wanted to live her life, do her job, raise her family and not feel like she was drowning, all the time 

Does this sound familiar ?   

When I left UK 13 years ago, thinking that I would finally able to live my life with “freedom” ie not having to face the irresponsibility of an ex-husband, have a good career, raise my children single-handedly in Singapore. I was all wrong, when my sibling told me that I cannot burden my mum with caring for my children, so I dumped them straight at the care centres the following Monday upon arriving in Singapore and I was back in office. I struggled so much with my day-to-day, the work demands and caring for my special needs children as a single mum.

Crying has become so much part of my life then, as my children struggled to adjust to the new environment. I also found out that my elder son’s case was a lot more complex than I realised. Next, a spiral of events where I took another 3 years before he was finally diagnosed with a number of conditions. In the meantime, he was ostracised by his cousins, his grandparents, his aunt, etc at home. Life feels so hard that at times it is just not worth living at all.

So, how do we especially as a mother juggle this issue of Balance in our life. When we all know life is not static, it is dynamic. It is a flow, just like the river, never at standstill. 

So what does one manage this flow of life.

The issue of balance exists on 2 levels : The underlying quality of life vs The day to day experience 

In the big picture, fulfilment is about living a life that is valued, purposeful, and alive. Balance is about choosing a life that is in action, aligned with a compiling vision.    

For life is never about evening out everything especially all the pieces in our life carry different weight! There is no static point in life. Life is inherently dynamic and we are constantly balancing.   

 Think about your own life in the last one year! How has it been like for you?

Balancing is definitely not about slowing down, where some like to think – when I am so overwhelmed, I just need to slow down or do less. Although slowing down may be just the recipe some days. Balance is not about simplifying, although sorting out the pieces, choosing ‘yes’ to some things and ‘no’ to others, may be the ideal way to create the most fulfilling flow. In short, it is not about going faster or slower or to have more or less but rather to have a life-giving ride supported on the rails of a fulfilling life vision.  

So what is this balance ?

Have you asked yourself these 2 questions in this sequence?

- Am I living a life that is purposeful, driven, in alignment to my vision/ dreams? What have I focusing on? (Or this is simply too daunting to think about.)

- Why some people seem to be able to have it all?

If you are truly honest with yourselves, you will start to notice why your equilibrium has gone off balance. 

•   Understand what is important to you
  
•   Understand your true priorities
  
•   Know your perspective 
  
•   Align your heart and head
  
•   Understand the effects of using the right language  
  

Many people find it difficult to say what they want, what they truly want. In today busy society, there are simply too many responsibilities and distraction from all directions. There are so many aspects of our life – finance, health, relationship, career, spiritual, family to name the core few. We know it is not the same for each one of us in terms of priorities, in terms of satisfaction.

At times, we seem to know, yet that thought quickly vanishes, just as fast as it came into our mind. How can we truly know what we are really seeking – how can we see our own heart?  

Have you truly allow yourself time to quieten down your mind to seek that truth within you, or you are simply too busy…

Your values – the stuff that is most important to you – are what motivates you and drive your behaviour at an even deeper level. Are you very clear on your values? !

A common theme is that our fear is stronger than our desire for fulfilment. That fear, which leads to self-sabotage, comes in a variety of guises.   

If you are not making choices based on your values, then the effect will be some form oof dissonance. It can be frustration, boredom, indifference, anger, resignation, or persistent justification for a course of action that looks very much like self-betrayal or martyrdom.  

Another way of putting it – it is our ultimate and most fulfilling form of expressing and relating. If you are truly living in alignment to your values – it does not mean that life is easy, plain sailing with no challenges but your heart knows and will tell you that you are just right

For if you are not absolutely sure about what you value most, you may be acting in ways that don’t serve you.

What is your perspective ? What is the right perspective ? 

Perception is your ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses. Perception is the biggest factor in what makes you who you are. Your perception of any given situation determines the outcome, the way you will act, or behave, and how you feel about things. 

“We go inside first, decide what kind of the world we want to experience and then project that world outside making it the truth as we experience it. “ (Helen Schucman, A course in Miracles)

How much awareness you have of your own perception ? And the saying that we do not know our very own blind spots, so we will be lead by we think we see (or rather chose to see/hear/feel).

When you know your values, your perception, do you have the courage to align your heart with your head and live in congruence of who you really are

And use the right language to help you to live a more fulfilled, balance life. For language has a direct influence on our unconscious mind. Hence the importance of stating the positive.

If you are able to be fully honest with yourself then go deep, ask yourself these questions and see where your heart leads you.

Or you have simply chosen to tolerate, compromise or give up?

Remember, it is never an easy task to get on the track for that equilibrium as life is a flow and knowing you have a choice and living in congruence is that very first step!