Confidence from Within

"I am really lucky,  4 promotions in 4 years in my company, and the people are genuinely nice. 

Now, being in a middle management, no longer the young trainee.  I realised that I am the only female for all my colleagues are white men in their 50s.   Sometimes, it just felt so difficult.  Let me give you an example.  Whenever there is a presentation,  each of them will use Powerpoint and they will list all the facts, statistics,  I try doing it their way but was totally burned out,  so I decided to do it my way and found that when I did that, my colleagues told me that “I was on fire” and  I do feel that there is so much more confidence in me too.  I noticed I am able to explain my WHY when I was asked, unlike before, it is always a struggle when someone question my motivation."

When I hear this from my client, I thought is not this a perfect example of authenticity that brings out one’s confidence. 

When you are confident, not faking it where would that confidence comes from?    Yes,  it comes right from your core, and you feel it and know it right in your gut. That confidence is like what? 

For me, it is simply mean Authenticity 

When you are in your full authentic self, that’s like what? 

Then what happen to your self-confidence? 

We all have heard people saying “ fake it till you made it”.  Do you agree?   Unfortunately I do not and I know many out there do not either. 

For me, I need to be real, to be true to myself so how can I have confidence. 

Self-confidence in short, is an attitude about your own skills and abilities.   If  we are honest,  many of us have the skills and abilities yet we feel we are not good enough!   There is always someone who is better, somewhere, somehow....   

Attitude – a way of thinking or feeling, so if we are not thinking or feeling that we are that good about our skills or abilities then confidence would be a challenge. 

When we are able to embrace our Authenticity, Something happens within us,  there is an energy,  there is invisible empowering. 

The compelling need to compare with others, to be perfect, to be in control, to be... no longer have its hold on us,  the society conditioning loses its grip. 

Because we found our ‘Core’. 

And when we reclaim our authenticity, 

We began to have better self-esteem. 

We began to have better confidence 

We began to have presence 

Because You know who you are and what makes up that very unique identity of yours, your culture, values, beliefs, experience,..... 

When we are not our authentic self,  it also means we are looking on the outisde to validate our existence, our being.   In so doing, we are never good enough.  How can we for we are only mere mortal,  we can be good in one thing but not all things.  When we look outward, we see many.  As the chinese says,  there is always a taller mountain, 

Indeed,  if you choose to compare your skills & abilities to someone, I can guarantee you that there is someone better than you in some aspects, one way or another. 

But when you accept and trust yourself ie acknowledge all of your goodness, or the part that is not so good, we let our true self surface and you being you,  no one can be like you in any sense. 

With all the goodness of authenticity, why so many people still struggled to embrace it and live authentically especially when we are in a corporate setting. 

The bottom line for most of us is we are scared.   As a human species, we want to belong, want to be part of something, a community, a tribe. Yet being different mean otherwise. 

We do not want to deal with the consequences of authenticity because it impliess people's judgments or reactions, our own fears and doubts, failure or rejection, and more – so we just shut up and try to fit in. 

It is so much easier to shy away from the authentic self and seek comfort in conformity and this is what you and I see everywhere especially when you are the minority in a majority place, be it that you are wrong gender,  the wrong colour, wrong culture, beliefs, etc etc.   To be accepted into the place,  we conform,  we change, we adapt,  we gradually forgot about the core self.   

Then what happened? 

Winnicott (an English paediatrician and psychoanalyst who was especially influential in the field of object relations theory and development psychology) points out that having a very strong False Self persona keeps people from acting according to their spontaneity and creative impulses, leaving the person feeling unoriginal and empty, sometimes with very little idea as to why they feel this way.   

Pause for a moment, do you think having a strong False Self Persona will be a confidence person ?   

How about  someone who is true, real, full of integrity? 

Self Confidence comes from within you, not simply about skills and abilities but the attitude of your skills and abilities and to fully have that “attitude” comes from you Authentic Self. 

As the famous Laozi words  "Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her." -

Are you ready to embrace Your Full Self, to allow that confidence to shine through?