The Authentic YOU
When you are difference
“I am the only one who is non-white, middle-class, not from an elite school, no rich lifestyle, no rich parents…
How do I speak up, stand up and join them at my workplace, at my prestige university...”
Does my skin colour, my gender, my background defines me?
Is this a form of inferiority?
Inferiority complexity is the feeling of inadequacy or inferiority where we feel others are much better than us, more successful, richer, prettier, more handsome etc because we are different, we are not to the ‘standards’, but this has nothing to do with one’s strength, intelligence or capability.
My next thought, in our current era, haven’t we recognise that the difference is precisely the diversity, and hence the importance of inclusivity and equity. Otherwise, our society inequity will always remain, be it the material possessions or our gender, or our skin colours that separate us.
Why should I feel inferior because my skin is not the right colour!
Why should I feel inadequate because I am not of the right gender
Why should I feel less because I do not come from wealthy family
Why should I feel out of place simply I am from a middle class family
Does our society still discriminate today?
YES
Is it spell out in black & white – NO
Yet, we all know it and know it right in our gut. When we see someone who is different (richer, better looking, skin tone). to us, we know it and we feel it!
It’s human tendency to notice the difference for 2 reasons
One : we are tribal ie the DNA is built within each of us – similarity means safety while, difference mean danger; thousands of years ago, people build tribe for protection, our human instinct of safety is inbuilt hence the need to look for similarities
Two : our society looks at each one of us exteriorly ie how wealthy I am, how well-dressed I am, how do I look, what is my skin tone. So when someone is different, not in the define category what would that mean?
My point here is when you are in the majority space you don’t realise there is a need for DEI because every aspects is from your lens but when you are part of that minority be it, being the colour, the gender, you feel out of place. You know you don’t belong, you know you are treated differently.
What can I do ? How can I overcome this real yet subtle, unconscious difference when I am different!
The truth is we are all different! We are all unique being, no two persons is identical even if they are twins. We all have our own individual DNA, personality, identity
Do you notice there are certain people who despite their disadvantages, colour, gender, sexuality, is able to live in their authenticity, embrace their difference.
If so, what is that difference you notice?
Yes, the "VAS" power :
- Value - Know who you are (your values/ your Northern Star, your strengths & weaknesses)
- Accept - who you are (your colour, height, weight, sexuality, heritage)
- SAGE - Find your inner wiser self
When you know who you are, what you stand for. It is no longer about using the standards of the society where we thought to be higher standing if we have the wealth, go to elite school, live a certain lifestyle. It is very much going deep to know who is that person, the deep realisation of my self-worth is not measured by dollars and cents nor based on society standing, intelligence.
Henceforth, no longer the need to compare because knowing one is always different from another based on own uniqueness – the culture, values, belief….
SAGE Power, made popular by Positive Intelligence, author Shirzad Chamine talks about in every one of us, when we can tap into the Thrive Region of our brain, where in the middle prefrontal cortex is, the empathy circuitry, part of the right brain.
It generates positive emotions while handling life’s challenges. These include empathy, compassion, gratitude, curiosity, joy of creativity, and calm, clear-headed laser-focused action. This region is wired for creativity and big picture awareness of what is important and the best course of action. Activating this region results in release of endorphins that counter the negative impacts of stress-induced cortisol.
When we learnt to do that, the conditions and/or the feeling of inferiority would no longer exists because this activation means we have the senses of connectivity with the rest of the world, thus no longer about comparison, no longer about worthiness of self vs others.
This is not friction but based on facts and neuroscience. In the book of “My Stroke of Insight” by Dr Jill Boyle Tayler where she talked about how she personally experienced through the stroke where the left side of her brain shut down, losing all the ability to logic, to read, write. In addition, the chattering of the monkey mind went silent too! And that little ego voice that tells her she is Dr Jill Boytle Tayler, the neuroscientist was replaced by these awe-inspiring experiential sensations of the present moment.
Do you know your Self-Worth? If so, what are you comparing? Isn’t you enough?
Do you know SAGE Power? If yes, please spread your SAGE power to others because it is contagious.
If not, let’s talk.
