My Story of "Clean"

In Apr 2017, the Holy Week begins so is the nightmare that never leaves me. The fateful Monday where I got home, supposedly to bring my son to see a GP for the severe headache he had that afternoon (based upon a message from my younger son) – did not materialise as he was already lying unconscious on the floor that late afternoon 5:30pm. But nothing would prepare me for what is to come…

Fast forward, a year later in 2018 , I took my redundancy and left the corporate world where I had been of over 2 decades, leaving behind my comfort zone of good pay and security which has always been the motto of my life.     

I finally stepped into my calling ( to live this legacy for myself and my son) and ventured into coaching. Being amateur with no advises from my coach then at that time, I chose performance coaching to begin this journey. There, I discovered sky is the limit, and my calling  – to be able to help others to uncover their own authentic journey and be truth to themselves. Hence, I done my 2nd qualification in NLP

In NLP, my mind was blown away with the power of the subconscious mind. I started to study and explore further into the mind, the brain (because my son died from haemorrhage).   NLP has also open me to the doors of hypnosis, metaphors where I fell in love with. This took me to my current 3rd journey

Clean Language (CL) – I saw the power of metaphors again and again during my coaching and found that CL can be used effectively in Coaching as well as Therapy

The constant question where do I go: Coaching or Therapy especially both my NLP trainers were adamant that I am gifted and I would be a greater therapist than just a transformation coach as I would be able to serve more people. However, I know I am not ready to face clients especially one who is still nursing her own pain. Tears welled up my eyes just the thought of Nathaniel. 

I have no word of comfort for those like me because I don’t have one myself. I do not understand why he must suffer so much in his short life-span and suffered again on that day and collapse from the pain/burst of his blood vessels (from the mouth of my 14 years old son who was the last to see him suffering – yelling in pain due to the burst of the blood vessels). I wasn’t with him in his last awakening hours – maybe God wants to space me that painful, helpless state but my younger son has to bear that for the rest of his life as he was the last to see him conscious and he blamed himself for not knowing earlier….   

With Metaphor and CL, I know I finally found the answer – the answer within.   

Clean Language is a method developed by David Grove to dialogue with a client's symbolic representations and metaphoric expressions. 

Clean Language is ‘clean’ because it keeps the facilitator from unwittingly introducing their metaphors, assumptions or suggestions into a conversation (no matter how well meaning these may be). Clean questions encourage metaphors, ideas, self-reflections and ah-ha’s to crystallise in awareness. When personal change is the goal, Clean Language invites a client's perceptions to evolve and change organically — one question at a time.

Because of its ability to respectfully invite clients to attend to particular aspects of their inner world, Clean Language influences the direction of a client’s mind-body-spirit process – without contaminating the content of their experience. 

A metaphor is a figure of speech that describes something by saying something else. It's not actually true yet it gives the reader a clearer idea of what it is like. Examples : She's walking a tightrope with her grades this semester, Laughter is the music of the soul and many more.

The word Metaphor comes from the combination of two Greek words ie ’meta’ which means to go above and beyond and ‘phor’ which means to carry.

A metaphor therefore is any comment, story or communication that carries a person from where they are to where they want to be

Like many parents, when our child left us in such a sudden manner, there is this deep hole within us that is somehow always empty. For people especially like myself who is generally restless– I guess I asked more questions, wonder more, where all these lead.  

Many like to ask how did I manage my grieve – the truth is I am still in my process – how do I reconcile with the fact that he is gone, with one day of his happy, cheerful self, the next he is lying there on the floor, in fact the very same day as I was told from the doctor, that’s it. 

I found out over the years, that we, as parents all suffered immense guilt when our children died before us, whatever the circumstances that is. I spent my initial hours, days, weeks, months and now years asking why.

Still I have no answers, and I might never have an answer just like what the neurologist said, it just happened and when it does, there is nothing anyone can do.

But I am still alive, living in this world. How do I face the rest of my life knowing the unknown. How important is it to know the why then or even now, can I bring him back to life.  

If you have ever loved a child, then you understand what it’s like to love someone more than you love life itself. If you have ever lost a child, then you understand more about hell than anyone could possibly be expected to know. This isn’t something you get over, Only those who have lost a child can understand the depths to which this pain travels.

I know I am not alone, for each one of us is unique in our journey because it is our journey with our child, 一点一滴, nothing can replace our relationship with our child.

Now, I realised I need to find it all within me because no one has my journey, my experience other than myself especially the one I have with Nathaniel (not had because to me he is right there with me, not gone). It is probably not an one-off clean session and will take time, just like my life.

As I travel in this journey of mine, I want to encourage those like myself not to drown in the sorrows of losing their child as I have seen many – and it is heart-breaking… 

The use of ‘Clean’ open up this bridge to fill this gap – to find that “answer” deep within me, and this is my new journey. (Clean Language is not only used for resolving wounds & hurts - as I find it less invasive than the many who want to "fix/help" to get over my pains, it is very much used in facilitating positive outcomes as I uncover in my training ..)

My wish is for you to find this special place of comfort that belongs only to you and your child, and have that special memory in your heart your thoughts, your mind, your consciousness. Remembrance! He is physically gone from me, yet I know he is always with me forever just as your child is living with you for your rest of your life. He is part of me, the very moment I conceived him and nothing will ever change, death or life…